How to overcome frustration in 6 steps

There’s always that day when the to-do list is long and you can’t complete any of them. There are also simpler situations where everything goes wrong. You go to the supermarket, for example, to buy specific items and you don’t find anything, or you prepare a surprise for your partner and he finds out.

The fact is that returning home without having met expectations generates a feeling that is very familiar to all of us, that of frustration. “It is a state that happens when we feel upset”, defines the neuroscientist and psychopedagogue Adriana Fozwhich has just released a book on the subject, Frustration (Benvirá🇧🇷🇧🇷

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Victim of a stroke at the age of 32, Adriana had to work hard to overcome the consequences. She learned how to deal with disappointment and, from her experience, she got the concept of emotional plasticity, the result of conscious training of emotional skills in favor of overcoming. This transformation of something so painful into a driving force is the lesson she delivers in her publication and here.

1. Rationalize

Better than overcoming frustration is not having to face it. It seems difficult, but it is possible to take precautions so as not to suffer later. This armor Adriana recognizes as the ability to identify potentially frustrating situations. It is necessary to know how to weigh.

When faced with important decisions, take a moment to to analyze the conjuncture from several angles with its probable consequences. If the consequences seem unfavorable, develop strategies to change course and make changes. Take into account previous experiences and have a plan B even after making your choice.

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2. Dose expectations

The origin of some disappointments is wanting too much and getting too little. so unconsciouswe project our desires onto others or onto life in general, even if deep down we know that not everything will turn out the way we envision it.

To avoid falling into the trap of building sand castles, focus on what is concrete, achievable and within reach, even if it requires a lot of waiting, slow advances and even retreats. If you are an impatient person, invest in activities that require calm, such as pilates and meditation🇧🇷 And know that being restrained in no way implies adopting a pessimistic posture. “Being optimistic has nothing to do with having expectations; so we need to unbind. It is, in fact, a daily exercise to maintain hope that better times will come, despite bad things happening”, teaches Adriana.

3. Cultivate empathy

As the social creatures that we are, we are constantly bonding with those around us. And for connections to develop fully, communication is essential. Exercising this tool effectively, however, is not a simple task. We cannot guess what the other thinks, but we must ask.

Once we are aware of the feelings and desires of those around us, we gain the chance to see a situation from a new perspective. This attitude is nothing more than the empathy in action. Observe, ask, listen and, above all, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. “By understanding the other’s needs, it becomes easier to understand why the situation did not turn out the way we imagined”, says Adriana.

4. Control self-criticism

Adriana explains that, due to sociocultural issues, we tend to deal with errors in a different way. punitive, especially when it comes to our failures. This conditions us to constant self-criticism. When not taken care of, this trait cuts off potential skills that would otherwise be well developed. In the face of frustration, instead of assuming the role of your own executioner, try to look at yourself with the understanding you would use with another person in the same circumstances – time to remember empathy.

Punishing yourself severely won’t make the problem go away, and it will keep you from focusing on more important things, like finding ways to overcome obstacles. Channel the energy you would spend beating yourself up and direct it to moments of self-care. “Contemplating yourself with a kind look is as important as the kindness directed at the other”, concludes the author, in the work.

5. Recognize your efforts

Although it is sad and frustrating not to reach a goal, it is necessary to recognize when it is time to stop trying. Avoid looking for reasons or justifications, stop insisting. There are things that just don’t work out. So that disappointment doesn’t have a paralyzing effect, turn your attention to the path traveled there.

Think about everything you’ve learned, how much you’ve developed, the strength you’ve shown by persevering and not giving up in the face of the first adversity. Realize that he did all he could and appreciate the journey. It can be just as rewarding as the conquest. A very useful skill at this time is gratitude.

As in vogue as empathy, this word represents the ability to appreciate what we have, regardless of what we lack. When well trained, this feeling lessens the feeling of defeat and can even serve to boost new attempts. To reach it, there is no mystery. Simply keep an eye out for different situations during the day and take breaks to be grateful for what you have or managed to do.

6. Be flexible

In physics, resilience refers to the ability of a body to return to its natural shape after undergoing some deformation. In neuropsychology, it is about the ability that a person has to strengthen himself while facing an adverse situation. It is an indispensable skill to pursue goals and live in society.

“It becomes essential in any situation, as it implies a reformulation of values ​​and structures”, says the author. Looking at attitudes and decisions without judgment and still rethinking them is one way. The important thing is to remain open to change.

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