How to make your partner react: 19 easy ways to achieve it

Sometimes feeling understood by your partner can be really difficult. Perhaps you are angry about this and have let yourself get carried away, fighting with your boyfriend or husband, countless times. You feel anxious and frustrated, and you would like to make him understand what is happening to you.

For these situations we will show you 19 easy ways to make your partner understand you better emotionally without arguments. Additionally, we will see 5 keys to face difficult situations.

19 secrets to make your partner react and change their attitude

1) Speak in terms of “I” instead of “you”

Rule number one, avoid “you” statements whenever possible.

People tend to complain using phrases like ‘You always…’ or ‘You never…’, which can seem like an accusation.

In order to speak in a more conciliatory way, it is more effective to say “I feel hurt, when you…”. This way, the conversation is about how you feel, rather than what your partner may or may not be doing wrong.

2) Be brief to convey your message

Although it may be tempting to vent all your worries at once, doing so can be totally overwhelming for your partner and therefore counterproductive.

It’s better to be short and simple, when you have something emotional to say.

Otherwise, your partner could feel overwhelmed by your feelings and disconnect from what you are trying to say.

It is true that many times we want to be forceful so that what is really happening to us is understood.

But you can do this by being concise with what you want to say and keeping your tone friendly. In this way you will make it easier to receive the message.

3) Focus on understanding it

If your partner also feels misunderstood, it will be hard for him to get out of his own head and into yours.

So be sure to first try to understand it, before trying to make your point.

What is annoying?

How are you seeing things from your point of view?

What is going on in his life apart from you, that is disturbing him?

Emotional connection is a two-way street.

Until you have made the effort to try to understand your partner emotionally, it will be difficult for your partner to make the effort to try to understand you.

Show him first what you need from him, listening to him and setting an example.

4) Keep your voice calm

If both of you raise your voice, it will be difficult to stay calm and understand each other.

So pay attention to your volume, as well as your tone of voice. Keep her low and friendly.

Once it goes up, it will be harder for your partner to understand or hear you.

Also, if your partner is a combustible person, you already know that he will answer you by raising his voice even more.

In turn, you may raise your voice even higher, turning the argument into a never-ending shouting match.

In this way they will surely not get anything good, only anger and anguish. Anticipate this by speaking calmly and seeking mutual understanding.

5) Pay attention to your body language

Body language is another thing that can affect your partner’s reaction to you, making it harder for you to really “get” what you need.

If she’s standing with her arms crossed, for example, she’ll seem closed off, and maybe even a bit defensive.

So try to relax, make your body as open and relaxed as possible, when trying to communicate complicated emotions.

To do this, you can stand up straight with your chest out and your arms relaxed at your sides.

Also pay attention to your face. Your brow should not be frowning and your look and voice should be conciliatory.

6) Make emotions part of your daily conversation

If the two of you are not in the habit of sharing what happens to you, it is good to create a suitable environment to start.

First find a time when the two of you are calm and can sit down to talk without interruptions.

Then start by asking open questions.

For example, instead of asking questions like: How was your day?, try something like, What was the best part of your day and why?

In this way you allow your partner to share more in detail what he feels.

Plus, it will make sharing emotions feel normal as you incorporate it into a more everyday conversation.

This will lead to more meaningful conversations in the future.

7) Be clear about how you feel

Instead of hinting at what you need and waiting for your partner to pick up on it, try to be clear and direct.

Women usually expect men to “realize what’s happening to us”, but they don’t work that way.

We are the ones who have this kind of intuition. Instead, they need you to tell them directly how you feel.

I assure you that this way you will get better results.

For example, you can say, “When you look at your phone all the time, I feel like I’m not important to you. I would really enjoy more time alone with you without your phone. Would you be willing to be on your phone less when we are together?”

This addresses four things: what’s bothering you, how you feel about it, what would make you feel better, and whether or not that’s possible.

8) Do not criticize him or ask him to change

Resist the temptation to have a conversation with criticism or change requests.

Instead, focus on how you feel. When you talk about your feelings, it’s important that you stay focused on sharing your own experiences.

If there is a request for change or criticism attached to sharing your own emotions, it will interfere with your partner’s emotional understanding.

9) Remind him that he does not have to “fix” anything

Otherwise, this can put a lot of pressure on your partner, even if it’s self-imposed.

Tell your partner that you don’t need them to try to make you feel better, you just want them to understand how you feel.

10) Be smart, when you decide to talk to him

If you want to have an honest conversation and feel truly understood, choose your timing wisely.

For example, it’s not a good time to talk, when your partner is half asleep, trying to meet a work deadline, fighting traffic, or while watching a movie or TV show you’re focused on.

Car ride chats can be great, as they don’t require planned conversations or constant eye contact, both of which can make a person nervous.

11) Find out how to speak their “language”

Not everyone communicates in the same way.

That’s why it’s so important that you understand how your partner does, while also helping them understand how you communicate.

There is a big difference between not understanding the other and not listening or not caring.

12) Only try to connect, when you are not feeling emotional

If you have felt misunderstood, in the middle of a heated discussion, this is not the time to say it.

Ironically, the best way to get your partner to emotionally engage with you is to limit how emotional you are feeling at the time.

Often when a person is confronted with a highly emotional partner, they will adopt a fight or flight response.

Especially if you feel that the relationship is threatened.

Very little is heard or communicated when both of you are in that highly emotional state.

13) Don’t be afraid to take a break

If things are getting too shaky and you don’t feel heard, don’t be afraid to pause the conversation and come back together later.

Review what is happening in your body.

Does your heart beat too fast?

Do you feel heat on your face?

Do you go over the same sentences over and over in your brain?

Then it’s time to take a break.

Go for a walk outside, focus on something else for a few minutes, to get back to being you.

14) Say it in the form of a letter

If you feel like you can’t put into words how you feel, why not try a new format?

Start writing, as a way of expressing emotionally heavy things to your partner, in a way that you can accurately convey what you want.

If you do it this way, you have time to really think about what you want to say.

At the same time, you give your partner time to read and think about what you have said in a calm way.

15) Have reasonable expectations

Realize that it may be totally normal for the two of you not to be on the same page right now.

People have different emotional experiences and not everything resonates with everyone.

Your partner may not understand an experience that you have.

If your partner isn’t particularly familiar with your own emotional experience, they’re even more unlikely to understand yours.

Think of emotional understanding as a goal to work on in the future.

16) Ask all the questions that are necessary

If you really want to get to the bottom of why your partner doesn’t understand you, ask them all the questions you consider necessary.

Even when you have already asked him many questions, if you still have doubts about any subject, do not stay without continuing to consult him.

You may feel that perhaps you can bother him with so many questions.

If you notice this from him, just let him know that you do, because you care about him and you want to find a solution to his misunderstanding.

17) Avoid putting yourself in the victim’s place

Many times to emphasize a point that we give to our partner, we put ourselves in the place of victims. Nothing worse than doing that.

Your partner will only see you as someone weak and exaggerated, and they will immediately stop listening to you.

Also, a great action is to take responsibility and apologize for what is due to you. This will show maturity and interest in your relationship.

18) Show your partner solutions about what bothers you

It’s not just about flagging problems or saying how you feel about them.

It is also important that you give your partner ideas about what you would have wanted to happen or other valid options in this situation.

He exposes solutions to the problems they are having and listens to the proposals that he also offers you.

19) Do not use the words “never” and “always”

Something that is not true is when you generalize with words like “never” or “always”, and deep down you know it.

Additionally, this will make your partner think that it is impossible to change.

What is true is that we generally base our judgment on more recent facts. Don’t let this overshadow the good you had before.

What to do when your partner does not react?

In life many times things work when we really set our mind to it, but unfortunately others don’t.

It is then that one must accept the situation and move on.

Next, we name 5 keys that can help you cope with a difficult situation.

1) Acknowledge the situation

Sometimes people try to stay in denial when faced with a difficult situation.

However, the longer you try to avoid the problem, the longer it will take to fix it.

Acknowledge that the situation exists,…