How to live as a couple with a child who is not yours

In today’s society, it is common for families to reconstitute themselves. Now that divorce is the order of the day, it is normal for new couples to form who bring children from previous relationships to the new family unit. The structure of reconstituted families usually carries with it problems that can shake its foundations: the non-acceptance of the minor or minors of the father or mother’s new partner or the interference of the ex-partner in the new family nucleus are usually the most recurring.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, you will have to be patient and prepare the ground. If you are looking for an effective solution so that harmony is the main characteristic of your new home, you must face problems with tact, dialogue and serenity. But remember: you should deal with conflicts, not people.

For this, the main thing is respect the times. We are talking about a child on the opposite side of the problem, with a totally different point of view. He has seen how his parents have separated, how his family unit has been broken, so for him this new beginning is the complete opposite: the definitive end to recovering his original family. This is the first step that parents and their partners should take to normalize the situation: explain and communicate to the little one that there is a new person important in their lives. It is better to say it than not to discover it on your own, as the degree of anger and disappointment will be much greater. In the following article we show some tips on how to make my son accept my partner.

It is the parent’s task to prepare the ground to establish a prior bond between the child and the new partner and let them, little by little, establish contact before a definitive step is taken: cohabitation.

If you are determined to take the step and have the couple live together in a single home, you will have to solve the organizational problems. You are creating a new family structure and that cannot be done hastily. Each family, each person has their own rules of conduct, their own values, their own methods of organization. It is essential that These rules apply to everyone, regardless of whether both bring children to the new family unit or only one of the parties does so. This is one of the most crucial points, since the greatest friction can arise between children and between the couple. To solve it, communication is basic and essentialboth between the couple and between their children.

Likewise, if you want to avoid a bad coexistence, you must take into account that the child is living in two different homes, so separated parents (no matter how badly they get along) have the obligation to establish common norms or rules that can be applied. in both houses. This fact is really important to maintain the good behavior of the minor who is probably going through a certain trauma. If you all agree, you will prevent the little one from taking advantage of any situation with both the father and the mother. The objective is for the creature to lead an orderly, serene and calm life, in which everyone must contribute, leaving it its space and time for adaptation and acceptance, although always setting limits.

On the other hand, the child must be made to understand that respect and respect must reign in the new home. You must understand who has the authority. It is very easy for children to resort to “you are not my father/mother” to not follow certain orders from their father/mother’s partner. For all this, it is important to generate a bond, a core of trust and a role for each member of the new family.

It is important to maintain an emotional distance, especially at the beginning of getting to know each other. Surely, the question has struck you: what is my role? He is not your son, he is not your colleague, but he is not your enemy either. Creating a core of trust for him to approach you will be vital, but you must make it clear that you can also set certain limits. You must become allies, but also establish a relationship of hierarchy or respect. The child must also obey you, because you are older. Behave firmly, but with some flexibility and give him the opportunity to speak, to negotiate. If you want to live in harmony with your partner’s child, you must learn to listen to him and empathize with your situation. However, all this does not mean that you should be too permissive. “I give him everything he wants, that’s how I earn it” doesn’t apply here. You must give him effective and emotional support, without making him feel invaded or powerful.

There is no need to impose the fact that the father or mother’s new partner becomes the new father or mother of the child. On many occasions, there is a tendency to substitute a role that is not the right one. You must remember that the child already has a father and a mother, so the parent’s partner must have another place. Remember that imposing this role on the couple will create emotional rejection on the part of the minor. The natural thing is to call him by her first name, without becoming the new mother or the new father.

On the other hand, if both parties have children of old relationships and add them to the new family structure, an agreement must be established between the couple to act with everyone in the same way. On numerous occasions, friction arises because each person treats their children differently. To avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts, we must seek a balance on both sides to educate children in the same way.

In the event that the third party involved, that is, the ex-partner, is making the situation difficult for you regarding their child, you must avoid generating more pressure and more conflicts by all means. For the well-being and balance of your children or your partner’s children, you must learn to manage feelings to normalize the situation, you must learn to relativize and give importance to what really matters. Don’t open the gap any further. In the following article, we show good tips on how to deal with my partner’s ex.

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