How to help a friend who is having a hard time

When a person we love is going through a bad time and is behaving differently, it is not easy to know what to do to help them, or what to say to make them feel better. Many times trying to do something is counterproductive to helping a friend, especially if we do not take into account that the important thing is to respect the bad moment that the other person is going through, giving them time.

To do this, we are going to look at several ways to help a friend overcome their bad moment, allowing them to maintain their limits, manage their frustration and maintain patience. Do not miss it.

1. Respect the other’s process

It is a very common practice to try to distract the other person so that they forget what has happened to them. However, this does not solve anything, and can lead to tense situations, arguments and misunderstandings.

In any case, this attempt to speed up the grieving or coping process may work for a while, but it will not solve anything and it is very possible that it will even make it worse. Repressed pain does not go away, but continues to appear in almost unbearable and sometimes very inopportune forms.

In this sense, what will really help the other is to let them go through their natural process, including impulsive behaviors. You have to let him cry, protest, be alone if he needs it… Because hiding the pain doesn’t make it go away.

It is also important to respect your own way of dealing with grief. There are people who cry a lot, others who don’t cry. There are people who need company, but also others who need more people. And so, a long etcetera. Let your friend do what he needs without worrying about social conventions or what people will say.

2. Learn to listen

It seems simple, but it is not that simple. Learning to listen to others involves connecting with what they want to transmit through language and even through silences. Listening requires openness, care and sensitivity to maintain attention on what is being communicated to us.

In addition to this, listening to a friend in a bad moment also means not judging them, allowing them to find in us a safe space so they can vent, organize their ideas, complain and, through words, better understand everything that happens to them.

3. Understand and respect your limits

When someone is grieving, they may not be able to see beyond it; who suddenly becomes irascible, irritable, incomprehensive and even rude or rude. But this is not indicative of what the rest of your life will be like. It’s just a bad streak and you have to let it go.

However, if we reinforce it with attitudes in the form of reprimands or reproaches, or get even more angry, this will get worse, and then it is very likely that something will change in the relationship, and even in the people. Therefore, make an effort to understand that in bad times we all have our limits and that it is necessary to let it go, with patience.

However, no one has the right to treat you badly when they are sad. If this happens, it is legitimate to distance yourself for a while until the person returns to himself and takes responsibility for his actions. All this, for the record, is not incompatible with empathy and understanding.

4. Let your friend find their own way

From outside We believe we understand what the best solution is and we tend to try to convince the other to do what we tell them.. The other does not see things clearly, and we feel obliged to guide him, as if he were a blind person walking alone down the street without a cane or guide.

But your friend needs to find his own way, he needs to calm down and find his own solution. No one can get inside his head to know what he really wants or needs. The rest of us may not agree, but that doesn’t give us the right to decide for him.

If you really want to help your friend, what you have to do is accompany him and be there in case things go wrong, not try to impose your criteria on him. This is being respectful. The other is a selfish way of trying to solve something in the quickest and easiest way for you. But it’s not about you; It’s about the other, don’t forget it.

5. Be careful with the details

The details are important. Grief absorbs everything and magnifies it. Anything that could cause a misunderstanding or any attitude that could be unpleasant or offensive is going to hurt the other person a lot and can even seriously deteriorate the relationship. But good things also count, and small details of affection can make a difference and help a lot.

6. Physical contact depends on each person

Empathy will tell you to give them a good hug, but your friend may not want any physical contact at that moment. The best thing, as always, is to ask, because each person is different. Some simply feel accompanied by someone sitting next to them and others need a more physical relationship.

7. Collaborate to maintain a peaceful environment

As you can imagine, a friend’s grieving is not the best time to fight or create tension in the environment. Be careful, this is not incompatible with criticism, but as long as it is done with calm, understanding and a constructive attitude. Remember that not everyone behaves well with others when they are sad, so you may need to handle some situations with a left hand.

8. Be patient

Sometimes soaking in someone else’s pain is complicated. Not only do you suffer at their side, but you have to tolerate a change in behavior in the other person that will not always be easy for you to cope with, especially if helping a friend means spending more time with them. In those cases, you are free to set your own limits, but remember that it is a temporary situation and that your support must be unconditional.

9. Take care of yourself

Finally, Remember to take care of yourself so you can help a friend. Give importance to your well-being and the prudent and necessary distance that sometimes must be taken so as not to affect our emotional state and, at the same time, not transmit discomfort or displeasure to the person we care about.

It is complicated, because duels are not simple situations. Luckily, the natural thing is that they heal on their own, with the passage of time, and your friend resumes his life. If this does not happen, or worrying behaviors appear (substance abuse, self-destructive behaviors, etc.), it will be time to suggest going to a psychology professional, so do not hesitate to be there for that person.

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