How to get to know a person: what aspects should we pay attention to?

How to meet a person? How do you know if she is trustworthy, if it is worth starting a friendship with her or even more so, if she would be a good partner? Most of us understand that when it comes to relationships, we are often almost forced to take a leap into the void.. Glimpsing someone’s personality and values ​​is something we must discover slowly and day by day.

We would love, without a doubt, to have a kind of QR reader capable of deciphering whether that new co-worker will be an ally or a rival. Also, to know whether or not those children who are friends of our children will be a good influence on them. It would be fascinating to know, in turn, if that person with whom we have a first date is worth our time and hopes.

Be that as it may, there is something undeniable: We are obliged to take an act of faith, to trust others and get involved in that interesting process that is, after all, getting to know someone. This craftsmanship, complex and full of uncertainties, is not exempt from a certain beauty and emotion, therefore, it is something that is always worth doing.

However, yes, always There are guidelines that can guide us in a better understanding of human behavior and character.. There are factors that psychology has studied, and specifically, the field of personality, that can be very useful in these cases. Let’s look at them below.

How to meet a person: aspects that we must take into account

Since Carl Jung wrote his work The psychological types in 1921, a long time has undoubtedly passed. However, a good part of that legacy that he left us is still useful, especially that theory where we understand that each person is situated at a point between introversion and extroversion.

That is perhaps the easiest aspect to identify in someone. Just with their openness, with their way of relating or behaving, we sense whether the person in front of us is more reserved or, on the contrary,overflows with that people skills and effusiveness so prototypical in the most classic extrovert.

However, to understand how to know a person and better decipher what their character is really like, we can address many more factors. Let’s dig deeper.

The Three Levels of Dan McAdams

Dan McAdams is a professor and chair of the psychology department at Northwestern University.. If he is known for something, it is for his interesting studies on personality, especially for his theory on the three levels of knowledge. This contribution can allow us to understand what someone is like through a series of aspects or phases.

The first phase, as we have pointed out before, refers to the most general, evident and observable. We are referring to those traits with which to detect if someone is more introverted, more extroverted, shy, cheeky, etc. We can obtain this type of information in a short time. The second reference is located on a more intimate level. What is that person worried about? What seems to motivate you? What are his interests? What do you value? This level requires having spent a little more time with that man or woman. However, these data are decisive in discovering what someone is like.A third level of knowing how to know a person is to see how they describe themselves. The way you perceive yourself (with good or bad self-esteem) or how you have constructed your own story as a person (I am someone who no one values ​​or I am someone who knows how to enjoy life) gives us very valuable information. We can intuit traits such as narcissism, selfishness, possible defense mechanisms, etc.

How to meet a person according to Wake Forest University

Wake Forest University conducted a study in 2010 led by Dr. Dustin Whood. In it, we tried to identify what aspect could help us understand whether someone is trustworthy or not.

As curious as it may seem to us, identified a factor that was very significant. To get to know a person, to identify even narcissistic traits or antisocial behavior, Just look at how he treats others and, especially, how he perceives them..

According to this research, people who value others positively, who always see the good side of those around them or, even more so, who do not fall into easy ridicule, criticism or contempt for those they do not know, present a healthier personality.

Instead, Whoever labels, despises or always has an ironic and negative comment to talk about others, would show a darker personality type. and unreliable.

To conclude, as we can see, to know how to get to know a person and have a clue as to whether they are trustworthy or not, we require a certain amount of time. A conversation is not enough, nor is it enough to see how they treat us, if they are kind, funny or intelligent. Seeing how they behave, and especially how they treat others, could certainly be a deciding factor..