How to get over someone you’ve never been with? – GOOD SHAPE

There are many reasons for getting emotionally involved with someone. Being reciprocated is not, in principle, one of them, but when feelings are not reciprocated – or do not become a romance – getting over it can be challenging.

That’s because when a breakup happens, you can always count on your friends and family to get you through that difficult time. But when a non-relationship comes to an end, seeking support to deal with those feelings (which you may not even have shared with the person) can be tricky. After all, how do you get over someone you’ve never been with?

WHY DO WE SUFFER FOR THE END OF NON-RELATIONSHIPS?

the psychologist Renata Azevedo explains that we often suffer for someone we never got involved with because of fantasy. “It’s not something real and in fantasy we imagine whatever we want. Let’s always think about that perfect relationship, where everything will work out, with different qualities in that person. Like in a romantic comedy.”

In a relationship itself, coexistence shows all sides of reality. “Real relationships always have problems. No person fits perfectly into our idealizations and fantasies. To relate is always to be negotiating conflicts of interests, desires, values ​​and ways of life. And that’s not bad, it’s the relationship condition, because there are two people and certainly there will be times when one will want something that the other won’t want. A good relationship is not one that does not have conflicts, but one in which conflicts can be well resolved, in the most harmonious way possible” shares Ronaldo Coelhoprofessor of psychoanalysis.

This gives us solid reasons to face the end. After all, you know the negative points of that relationship and the reason for the termination, different from an involvement that never became a relationship. “Now, when we get over a relationship that didn’t exist, we don’t have the negative parameter, we only have the memory of fantasies (which are not real), so we just think about the good part. We imagined that if it came true, it would be exactly like in the imagination, perfect.” explains Renata.

HOW TO GET OVER SOMEONE YOU NEVER HAD

Despite never having had anything negative in the relationship itself because it didn’t exist, there are other points to be thought about: the “breakup” may have occurred due to the other’s lack of interest, or perhaps because he/she was already involved with someone. It’s important to think about the reasons why it didn’t actually become a relationship.

Know that you deserve more

Everyone deserves a real relationship. One in which the person wants (and works to) be with you.

Do not contact the person

No giving that stalked on social media or send a message. Every time you contact or view the person’s social media, the feeling of doubt about what could – in fact – have been can hinder your healing process.

Respect (and accept) the decision

No matter how hurt you are, it’s important to respect the final word. Focus on self-care to become your best self – for when the right person arrives.