How to deal with the mistakes of the past?

“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change” (Eistein)

Hello friends!

Well, if you’re reading this text, it’s a sign that you agree that people make mistakes. We make mistakes and, many times, the mistakes are considerable, and may even influence the lives of other people. Therefore, we assume that we make mistakes. But how to deal with these past mistakes?

How to deal with the mistakes of the past?

The second point that must be agreed is that an error, whatever its nature, must be understood as an error, but in terms of emotions. In other words, we can say that it is necessary to regret what was done.

According to clinical psychologist Ph. D. Melanie Greenberg, “Regret is an emotional/cognitive state that involves blaming yourself for a bad outcome, having a sense of loss or sadness for what could or should have been done or chosen instead. For young people and children, regret, while a painful experience, can be a useful emotion.

The pain of regret can result in changing focus and changing actions or seeking new paths. However, the smaller the chance to change the situation, the greater the chance that regret will turn into rumination and chronic stress that can harm the body and mind.”

Another way of understanding what repentance is is what Jung calls the first step of any therapy worthy of the name. The first step is confession, that is, the patient comes to the office and confesses what he did. Evidently, not only harmful acts, but also neutral or beneficial thoughts and feelings that, perhaps, have never been said before. It’s what many call venting.

But then what? Then we come to the third point about how to deal with errors. One has to repent, but once repentance has taken place, one has to leave it behind. What’s done is done… what can be done now and going forward?

Well, then one must think that it is possible to change. (In another text, we will talk about how beliefs – in the sense of Neurolinguistic Programming and Cognitive Psychology – must be worked on for change to occur).

After all, it does no good to understand, deeply and emotionally, that what was done did not have the best result and continue thinking that this is the only way to act. As if to say: “I’ve always done it this way and I can’t do it any other way”.

The issue of change is certainly a decisive issue in clinical psychology. We know from everyday observation and office experience that people can often achieve significant change on their own. However, in many cases it is necessary to have some kind of support to facilitate the process. And here I am not just referring to consultations with a psychologist, other types of searches can be equally effective.

The search for the antidote

If we metaphorically think that the error is like a poison and that the change lies in what will end the effect, we could imagine an antidote for the specific poison. For example, it is very common to see how a disease, such as cancer, manages to mobilize friends and family to help other people who are going through the same difficulty. Likewise, a person who has a drug problem can create, work with, or volunteer to help with projects for people who want recovery.

Anyway, the examples are many. The simplest way to imagine an “antidote” to the “poison” is to think of the opposite of the error. Thinking, “What can I do that would have a different effect, perhaps contrary to what I did? How can I help others who have the same problem, difficulty or behavior?”

Conclusion

So there are some steps to deal with past mistakes. First, recognizing the mistake as a mistake (mentally and emotionally). Second, having the belief that change is possible. Third, finding ways to bring about change, alone or with the help of professionals, groups, etc. Fourth, seeking to create new ways of acting, acting through the “antidote” of error.

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