How to answer impolite questions and put rude people in their place

Eventually, we all have to deal with rudeness, cluelessness or inappropriate questions. And while some know how to put an insolent person in their place at the right time, others get lost and spend sleepless nights wondering how they might have responded in a given situation.

The team of awesome.club always wanted to learn how to defend against verbal attacks the way Neo dodges bullets in Matrixie quickly and efficiently. Therefore, we are very happy when we find ready-made phrases capable of changing any unpleasant conversation in our favor.

we are talking about phrases with double meanings that can easily confuse the speaker. Psychologist Vadim Petrovsky and journalist Alexey Khodorych from Russia collected more than a thousand phrases taken from cinematographic works, literary works and everyday life, in a book called How to Come to an Agreement on Any Matter with All Kinds of People (in free translation) and in its expanded edition.

These phrases work, because they break patterns of a trivial conversation, in addition to surprising and confusing the interlocutor. They can be used to attack and defend, flirt and do business, shake off manipulators, and have a good laugh.

They are often clichés or jokes that don’t make much sense and make your opponent think about what you really mean. Because of this, the person drops their guard and starts to converse more appropriately (or simply stops asking silly questions).

According to the authors, these phrases fit most occasions. To prove this finding, we applied 30 of them in some hypothetical everyday situations.

Other answers:

“Can you rephrase your question? It’s very important to me!” “You don’t have to speak in that rude way to show concern.” “I hope what you just said stays between us.” “Are you, by any chance, talking bad about me?” “It’s a good question, but why should I answer it?”

What situation does it apply to: questions about your salary or the price of your belongings, or acidic comments about your clothes.

Other answers:

“Confucius foresaw everything except this.” “Only the rain knows when a flower will bloom.” “It all depends on the weather.” “I can only answer in three days, that’s the procedure.” “I’ll think about it tomorrow.”

What situation does it apply to: questions like: “When are you going to find a good job or buy a car?”, or comments about your life.

Other answers:

“I suppose you are smarter than me, so I believe that one day I will understand you.” “Love requires patience.” “I can’t tell you the whole truth, but I have reasons for that, and a good part of them are ideological.” “Sometimes the hunter and the prey switch roles… Do you know what I’m talking about?” “Failure is luck in disguise.”

What situation does it apply to: questions like “Why is such a beautiful girl single?”, or your family’s attempts to introduce you to “a perfect man”.

Other answers:

“Is this a hint to me?” “I am not happy to hear that from you.” “I do not understand what you mean. Unfortunately, I need you to explain further.” “What will your next mistake be?” “Say what you will, but remember that there is no way to close Pandora’s box again.”

What situation does it apply to: your colleagues try to overburden you with their chores, your mother compares you to her friend’s son or daughter, or one spouse blames your partner for spending too much time with your friends.

Other answers:

“You talk like you like me.” “Sorry, but who are you?” “Could you repeat the same in English, please?” “Did you learn anything else in life besides bad manners?” “And how do you feel about that?”

What situation does it apply to: Internet slurs, appearance criticism from your neighbors, or moralizing from strangers.

Let’s play a game! Leave a provocative, inappropriate, or silly question in the comments, and other readers will try to answer it in a sly but kind way. You don’t have to use the examples above, we’re sure you can think of an even cooler phrase.