How does anxiety affect love?

Anxiety is the most common mental health problem. Not everyone requests professional help or applies appropriate strategies to manage those excessive thoughts, that distressed mind that lives in a state of alert. This condition not only limits potential and well-being, but can impair the ability to love in a healthy way.

If you suffer from anxiety or live with a partner who has this problem, you will have experienced and witnessed many ups and downs.. What’s more, it is common for those people who suffer from social anxiety to have serious difficulties maintaining meaningful emotional relationships.

It is very difficult to feel confidence and satisfaction when one is a prisoner of an insecure and obsessive mind. Build and maintain a solid and happy commitment with someone when one of the factors that determines it is a mental health problem. And anxiety is the most recurrent. Phobias, generalized anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder are a kaleidoscope of suffering that sometimes prevents us from consolidating bonds.

The partner of someone who suffers from anxiety is forced to be that support that cannot always help the other person as they need.

This is how anxiety affects love

Science has been addressing how anxiety affects love for years. Research from Temple University, United States, suggests that this psychological condition interferes with the bond, producing distress.

What’s more, not only can it interfere with the quality of the bond, but it can also be a drag on the chances of maintaining it. Other works, such as the one published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology They warn of a common reality. Anxiety does not usually travel alone, in many cases there are usually other underlying problems, such as major depression.

For people who go through these silent black holes, all areas of life are affected, from work, finances, socialization, leisure, family relationships and, of course, love. Let’s now see how it usually manifests itself in the area of ​​emotional ties:

1. Excessive worry

The anxiety-driven mind lives in a state of constant alert. Any problem, no matter how small, becomes an insurmountable threat. What’s more, in that persistent fear of “something happening” we see catastrophes that do not exist and threats when everything is harmony. This puts any relationship in check by fueling it with mistrust and susceptibilities.

In addition, It is common for them to overanalyze every word, gesture or behavior of their loved one.. They give thousands of thoughts to conversations, to what was said or not said. Something like this generates great relational exhaustion.

2. Feeling of guilt

Feelings of guilt are like painful thumbtacks in the anxious brain. In this dynamic of excessive thoughts, the person usually concludes that everything that happens is one’s own fault.. Negative self-perception fuels a harmful dialogue in which ideas such as the following appear: “I am failing my partner, he will leave me because I am overwhelming him and it is all my fault.”

This exhausting and dangerous vision is what brings the person closer to the brink of depression.

3. Anxious or avoidant attachment

The way anxiety affects love is also expressed in the way we bond with our partner. There are those who do it through an anxious attachment, that marked by the fear of abandonment and the need for constant displays of affection. In this case, bonds are created based on dependency and that obsession with constant validation to nourish self-esteem.

On the other hand, Anxiety can also manifest itself through avoidant attachment, where it is difficult to create lasting intimacy. by excessively weighing distrust and the desire for independence. In this case, what happens is that the person with this condition does not want to admit his vulnerability and builds walls and palisades as a protection mechanism.

4. Anxiety absorbs us and prevents us from seeing what is most important

Anxiety is a mental demon that takes up excessive space in the brain. It fills everything with fears, obsessions, uncertainty and false threats. We are facing a condition that absorbs and drains everything, preventing those who suffer from it from being able to focus their attention on what is important: the people who love them.

Anxiety can be treated, there are very effective psychological approaches to regain control of our lives and improve our relationships.

How can I improve my relationships if I suffer from anxiety?

The way anxiety affects love is complex and counterproductive. However, anxiety disorders not only affect the quality of relationships, they have an impact on our entire lives. In these cases, It is important to request specialized help to obtain an adequate diagnosis and a therapeutic approach tailored to our needs..

Anxiety manifests itself in many ways and has different origins. A social phobia is not the same as an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Sometimes, anxiety is the product of trauma or insecurities that we carry with us from childhood and that we must address. Let’s reflect on those strategies that can help us.

Psychological and pharmacological therapy

There are various approaches that can be useful in the treatment of anxiety. The cognitive-behavioral approach or exposure therapy in case of phobias, for example, can be of great help. Learning problem-solving, emotional regulation and relaxation techniques is also interesting.

Cognitive restructuring, consisting of eliminating or deactivating these negative thought patterns to replace them with healthier ones, is a necessary step in any therapeutic process. On the other hand, and in some cases, doctors may recommend pharmacological treatment, such as anxiolytics.

Work on the pattern of our attachment styles

Anxiety can cause us to develop dependent or avoidant attachment styles. In our process to improve our relationships, it is interesting to work on this aspect. We need, above all, to bond with those we love in a more secure way, mature, without fears, without shortcomings and with good emotional regulation.

To conclude, the quality of all relationships can be improved. Let’s prevent anxiety from being that third tenant in our story of two and let love flourish in a healthy and enriching way.

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