How can I prepare for the death of a loved one?

“How can I prepare for the death of a loved one?” There are many people who come to a psychological consultation with this question, overwhelmed by difficult emotions, fears and anguish that prevents them from being able to react. They are quite hard experiences. Having to carry out what we know in psychology as “anticipatory grief” is not easy for anyone..

In these circumstances, you must be prepared for the stages that will come. This implies having adequate information about your family member’s illness to knowing how to apply effective emotional management tools. Always remember that your sadness, and even the anger you feel about the present experience, are normal and understandable states.

Below, we describe the strategies that can help you the most in this delicate process.

Preparing for the death of a loved one: 8 keys

Much has been written about grieving after the death of someone we care about, but not so much about how to let go of a terminally ill person. Such vicissitudes cover human beings with mixed feelings and a pain that is difficult to describe. When you can’t stop the decline of someone you love, you must be ready to face a rather complex life process..

In a study published in the journal Omega It is highlighted that mental health professionals care for a large number of people who go through this same reality. They are experiences in which social support and proactive coping are essential. No one is prepared to say goodbye to someone they love, but with the right tools you will find the strength.

Below, we describe those strategies that will help you, guide you, and also provide comfort.

1. Allow yourself to feel and understand anticipated grief

Our society misunderstands anticipated grief and the silenced suffering associated with it. However, This stage, despite its hardness, offers you opportunities with which to give a more calm closure.. It is a small advantage over those who, for example, lose their loved one abruptly without having the option of saying goodbye.

As they point out in an article by BMC Palliative Care, What impacts these processes the most is the uncertainty itself and the weight of care.. Not knowing what can happen and when are the main concerns. If you are in this same situation right now, take note of some considerations to reflect on:

Each person deals with anticipated grief in a particular way. Lean on your close circle during this stage. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions, do not repress them. Share those feelings with someone who knows how to listen to you. You have the right to cry, rest and delegate care tasks. in others. Remember that it is also normal to experience anger or anger due to that experience.

2. Talk to your loved one and express your feelings

If you ask yourself “how can I prepare for the death of a loved one”, keep one detail in mind. You are dealing with a very difficult experience, it is true, but you have a small advantage in your favor: you can say goodbye to that person. It is not necessary that you have a “final conversation”, it is actually about taking advantage of every moment with that figure when they are receptive:

Explain how important that person has been in your life. Express how you feel about him/her with clarity, closeness and affection. Remind him/her of shared moments in which you felt happy with him/her. If there are issues that need to be forgiven or resolved, Take advantage of the opportunity. If you consider that it is necessary to clarify certain realities or experiences from the past, now is the time. Give him physical signs of affection, such as caresses, hugs, kisses or any other type of emotional demonstration.

3. Create meaningful moments

Obviously, if that person suffers from a neurodegenerative disease, you will not be able to have those more intimate dialogues. Furthermore, as they clarify in Culture, Medicine and Psychiatry, Anticipatory grief with family members who suffer from dementia begins much earlier. In some ways, you let go of that person much more slowly, but the suffering is just as disturbing.

In these cases, there are other mechanisms to create and promote that deep emotional connection. Make the time you share with that person special and very meaningful. Do simple but stimulating activities that fit your family member’s hobbies and passions.

Listening to music together, watching a movie you like, being with your pets, taking a walk on the beach or in the countryside (if possible) will allow you to create emotional anchors beyond words. They are mental photographs that are not forgotten and live forever in the heart.

4. Learn about their situation and consider palliative care

The strategies when facing goodbye to someone you love integrate emotional as well as material or logistical dimensions. In this sense, It is necessary that you inform yourself about what needs they will have throughout their last days.

Although it is quite hard, it is crucial to know how your condition may develop and what the symptoms are to understand when your time is coming. On the other hand, it is also ideal that you consider, with the rest of the family, where they want you to spend your last moments. Remember that palliative care can occur at home and in specialized centers..

Tell your loved one that you love them. Those words are always powerful and healing, especially when the hard task of letting him go comes. And, remember, express yourself even if the person is no longer physically responding; chances are he can still hear you. So do it, speak from your heart.

5. Start thinking about what life will be like without that person

We know, it may seem unfair, frivolous and even frustrating to you. However, Anticipatory grief should open a space for you to prepare for the idea of ​​what life will be like without your loved one.. It is a reality that you must accept so that, when the time comes, this new stage is not so difficult and you already have a part of it.

Visualize what your reality will be like without that figure and think about what changes you should make. Reflect on the voids it will leave and the way in which you will try to heal these vital corners.

6. Talk to your loved one about death

If you are wondering “how to prepare for the death of a loved one”, there is one aspect you should consider. Conversations about mortality are topics that are almost always avoided. However, when dealing with an illness or a terminal clinical condition, both you and your loved ones will benefit from this type of dialogue.

It is true that it can be difficult and that everyone has their own coping style, but it is necessary to address the issue.

Ask your family member about that moment and what ideas, feelings or beliefs they have about it. Address the topic of the funeral and the ceremony you wish to have. In addition, Spirituality, religion or the love you receive from your environment are supports that will always serve as strength and consolation. throughout that final stage.

On the other hand, in these contexts The books by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler Ross are also very helpful.. A light that goes out (1983), Life lessons (2000) o Death: a dawn (1989) are valuable works on this topic.

7. Lean on your environment

Coping with the inevitable end of a loved one completely disrupts the stability of a family system.. Something you should know is that, in these scenarios, each person handles this experience in a particular way. There are those who will need to vent their emotions, others will choose containment, and then there are those who do not know how to respond or what to do.

In duels there is no “correct” way to react. Therefore, mutual support must be prioritized. What’s more, in an article by BMC Palliative Care they insist on the relevance of the union of all members in this palliative phase. Do not hesitate, therefore, to always be close to your loved ones and to be aware, in turn, of them.. This joint warmth will allow them to better face the situation.

8. Ask for psychological help if you need it

Asking for psychological help is okay. Admitting that this experience overcomes you and you don’t know what to do with so much pain is also okay. The physical and emotional vulnerability that this final stage of the person you love subjects you to is something complicated. Going to psychological therapy will give you tools to more optimally manage anticipated grief and what will come next..

Requesting specialized help is an act of courage that will undoubtedly give you the strength you need.

Saying goodbye, something no one is prepared for

Letting go and saying goodbye hurts in every corner of your being.. It’s like losing a part of yourself and feeling lost in a strange dimension, without the mooring of that loved person. Now, when you ask yourself again “how should I prepare for the death of a loved one”, you will already have something clear. You’ll improvise half of things, but you’ll do it well.

Until the moment arrives, you will care for your family member with immense love, and that shared affection, accompanied by the final words, will help you give closure.

There are goodbyes that should never happen, however, when life puts you on that platform, you have no other option. You will allow that figure to go away, but it will remain alive in your memory and in the most privileged space of your heart..

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