How can I let go of the past?

How can I let go of the past? How do I turn the page and prevent yesterday from clouding my present? There are many people who move forward with the burden of past pain, with that enduring suffering that often manifests itself in conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder. Doing so is not easy, it requires complex and delicate psychological craftsmanship at the same time.

The writer Francis Scott Fitzgerald said that When the past binds us, life becomes an advance against the current, in an exhausting effort in which, from time to time, we fall again dragged towards that adverse fact. It may be so. At least, in the most complex cases. Because, in some way, we all harbor some uncomfortable experience that accompanies us.

The problem comes when those experiences from yesterday make it impossible to have a present.. Thus, and although it is normal to go through pain for a while, when we go through a traumatic experience, the usual thing is to let it go little by little, allowing us to move forward with greater temperance day by day.

Otherwise, if it is impossible for us to achieve that progress, that fact is diluted in our being, completely altering the opportunity to be happy. How then to face this type of reality?

leave the past behind

Often, It is often said that those who do not learn from their past are condemned to repeat it. This idea is not entirely true. One will not repeat one’s childhood, the abuse of yesterday will not be felt again on the skin or in the heart, the person we could have lost will not leave again and the relationship that made us unhappy will not be experienced again either. However, what will happen is that we will experience that same pain in different ways.

The suffering of yesterday returns to the present and is integrated into it in various ways: in the form of insomnia, transforming into anxiety, insecurity problems, low self-esteem, inability to build solid and happy relationships…

Thus, research works such as those of Dr. Andrea Roberts, a scientist at Harvard University, show us that sometimes there is something more important than the event that occurred in the past as such. It matters how we have interpreted that experience.

Although several people have experienced the same thing, only some end up developing trauma after what happened. The way we process and deal with each experience determines the future. Nevertheless, What to do when we have not been able to manage those past events well? How can I let go of the past?

Reconciliation: connecting with the various versions of ourselves

There are many versions of ourselves throughout our past. However, when one cannot leave yesterday behind, one tends to focus on a specific moment, the one that hurts the most. It is not appropriate: We are something more than the pain suffered, than the lost people…Therefore, it is necessary to take a retrospective trip to consider the following:

In the past there were happy moments and less happy moments. Must connect with those moments of well-being to feel those sensations again. In this way, we become aware that our history is not made only of sad moments. On the other hand, it is also necessary to approach those less luminous versions to delve deeper into them, understand them and resolve them. There are events that required a duel at the time and we did not give it to them.. There are experiences that may need to be shared with friends, family or psychologists to heal the wound in a healthy way. If so, it’s time to start that process.

Acceptance and commitment: eliminate psychological rigidity to breathe again

If we ask ourselves how it is possible to leave the past behind, Acceptance and commitment therapy can help us. Its basic objective is to reduce the psychological rigidity that prevents us from turning the page (Hayes, Strosahl and Wilson, 2015; Wilson and Luciano, 2002). Thanks to their strategies, we will be able to allow ourselves, little by little, to focus much more on the present, on ourselves and on our progress.

To do this, it is important to consider the following:

The goal is to accept what we feel here and now. You have to give space to sensations, thoughts, fears, memories, emotions… All that pain is real, it cannot be repressed nor even forgotten. Acceptance will be the first step so that all that chaotic rumor loses intensity. It is of no use to us to label these experiences as bad, very bad or good. Everything is part of our history and we must integrate it. Now, the human being is something more than the pain experienced. We have our values, our dreams, our needs and we have to focus on them. It is time to delve deeper into that self that longs to be happy, that asks us for new things. We must commit to our well-being in the present moment.

Calm anger, appease resentment: it’s time to forgive

How can I leave the past behind if resentment, anger and sadness continue to weigh me down every day? It’s true. There are many emotions that anchor us to yesterday, that cling to the rearview mirror of our existence. If we truly want to cut that thread of suffering we must take the step.

We must forgive and forgive ourselves. Forgiveness is not forgetting, it is the brave act with which we put an end to a stage to move forward without burdens. Likewise, it is necessary to forgive ourselves in case the root of regret, of “How could I do that or how could I be so naive.” On the other hand, It is the first thing for emotional health to deactivate anger, resentment, the rage that devours and that fills sleepless nights. Calming these emotions will allow us to turn the page day by day. To achieve this, there is nothing better than setting new goals, new scenarios and other people with whom we can relate, on the horizon.

When we expose the mind to different stimuli, attention escapes from the past to focus on the present. And that’s what matters, that’s what can save us. Let’s keep it in mind.

You might be interested…