How Birth Order Affects Sibling Personalities

You are going on a road trip with your adult siblings. Which of these three scenarios most resembles you?

1. You’ve been planning the trip for weeks, you’ve taken care of hotel and restaurant reservations, changed the oil in the car, and filled up the gas tank. And it’s even mapped out rest stops along the way.

two. You spent the morning on the run, trying to get everything ready. In the end, he threw snacks and clothes in the suitcase anyway, at the last minute. If you’re the one driving, you’re hoping to find a gas station on the highway and fill up the tank, which is half full.

3. Family trip? It will be fun! You accepted the invitation because it’s going to be a blast and you didn’t plan on contributing anything except your jokes and fun stories. You enjoy the snacks your older siblings brought. He realizes that he may need to buy a more appropriate coat when you arrive at your destination.

If you identify with scenario #1, it is likely to be the eldest son.

If the second scenario describes you well, you are probably the middle child.

Do you identify more with scenario #3? Most likely it is the youngest.

Birth order makes a difference

Some researchers consider birth order as important as gender and almost as important as genetics. It’s the old story of nature versus nurture. In my experience as an educator and researcher, I know that no two siblings have the same father and mother, even if they live in the same family. Because? Because parents are different with each of their children, and no two children play the same role. For example, if you are the caretaker child, the caretaker role will have already been taken, and your sibling will choose another role to play in the family, perhaps the doer.

We are different parents with each child

As a parent, you remember your first child well. It was the one you watched when you were sleeping, to make sure you were still breathing. It was the baby you held and breastfed and/or sterilized bottles for the longest. That child is the only one who will have had a monopoly on the parents; all other children were obliged to divide them.

The firstborn child is born into a family of adults who are proud of his every achievement and dread every potential injury or accident. The middle child is often dominated by the eldest, who is older, knows more, and is more competent. When the youngest child is born, parents are usually tired and less likely to want to control everything. When you have your youngest, you already know that your baby is not going to break; therefore, it can be more flexible in terms of attention and discipline. The result is that your baby learns from an early age to seduce and entertain you.

The achiever, the peacemaker and the prankster

While the oldest child is programmed to excel and achieve, the middle child is raised to be understanding and accommodating, and the youngest wants attention. Thus, the birth order of children is a powerful variable in the unfolding of one’s personality.

The Firstborn: The Director

The firstborn will likely have more in common with other firstborns than with their own siblings. Because they have been the targets of so much control and attention from their parents, first-timers, firstborns are far too responsible, reliable, well-behaved, caring – lesser versions of their parents.

If you’re the firstborn child, chances are you’re an approval-seeking achiever, dominate, and that perfectionist who sucks up all the oxygen in the room. You can be found in professions that require leadership, such as law, medicine, or being CEO of a company. As a mini parent, it also tries to dominate its siblings. The problem is, when baby number two is born, you feel a sense of loss. By losing your place on the family throne, you also lose the special place that comes with uniqueness. All the attention that was focused exclusively on you will now have to be shared between you and your brother.

The Middle Child: The Peacemaker

If you are a middle child, you are likely to be understanding, cooperative, and flexible, but also competitive. You care about what’s fair. In fact, as a middle child, you are more likely to choose an inner circle of friends to represent your extended family. It is in this space that he will find the attention he lacks in his family of origin. As a middle child, you receive the least amount of attention from your family, and for that reason this family you have chosen is your compensation. As a middle child, you are in very good company: notable US presidents and celebrities like Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Winston Churchill, Bill Gates, Donald Trump and Steve Forbes are too. While in many cases you’ll only come to prominence later in life, you’ll end up in powerful professions that allow you to put your negotiating skills to good use—and also get that attention you sorely need.

You and your big brother will never excel at the same thing. The personality trait that defines you as a middle child will be the opposite of that of your older and younger sibling. But the great soft skills you learned as the middle child — negotiating and navigating within your family structure — can prepare you for an entrepreneurial role on a bigger stage.

The youngest son: the one who animates the party

If you’re the youngest in the family, your parents were already confident in their caregiving roles; for that reason, they were less rigid and didn’t necessarily pay attention to your every step or milestone, as they did to their older siblings. Thus, you must have learned to seduce people with your charm and friendliness.

As the youngest child, you have more freedom than older siblings and, in a sense, you are more independent than them. As the youngest, you also have a lot in common with your older brother, as you were both treated as special, endowed with certain birthrights. His influence extends to the whole family, which gives him emotional and physical support. Soon, you have a feeling of security and of having your own place.

It probably won’t surprise you to note that younger children often find entertainment occupations such as actors, comedians, writers, directors, and so on. They also make good doctors and teachers. Because your parents were more laid-back and lenient, you expect freedom to follow your own path in creative style. And, as the youngest in the family, he carries less responsibility, and for that reason does not attract responsible experiences.

the only child

If you’re an only child, you grow up surrounded by adults, and for that reason, you’re often verbalized well and quite mature. This makes possible intelligence gains that exceed other birth order differences. Having spent so much time alone, you are resourceful, creative, and confident in your independence. If you are an only child, you actually have a lot in common with the firstborns as well as the youngest.

Parents: Know your children

Ultimately, it’s important for parents to get to know their children. Even more important than the order in which they were born is to create a positive, healthy, safe and nurturing environment. By understanding each child’s personality and temperament, you can organize his environment to bring him closer to his fullest potential. For example, knowing that the eldest son has a greater sense of responsibility, you can lighten his load, and recognizing that the youngest is living in a more lenient environment, you can be more demanding in terms of discipline.

Children need the right to pursue their own destiny, whatever their role in the family, and as a mother or father, your most important task is to support them on their individual journey.

Article published in Brasilpost.com,