Houdini syndrome: fleeing emotional involvement

There are people who escape emotional involvement in relationships. In fact, the more commitment they perceive, the greater the need to escape they experience.

Houdini syndrome alludes to the powers of the mythical 19th century Hungarian escapist. However, in this case we will talk about psychological escapism derived from avoidance. Thus, you can escape from a family situation, a job or daily obligations.

Ego fights, complacency and even how difficult it is to express oneself authentically without harming others are common circumstances in interpersonal relationships. Having said that, The fact that people escape from their relationships expresses a very profound symptom in today’s society..

In many cases, the relationship is direct, the more commitment, the greater the “need” to escape. In this article we detail what the true causes of this phenomenon are and why it is so complicated to get emotionally involved.

Emotional involvement in personal relationships

In the area of personal relationships, emotional involvement involves accepting and expressing the affection we feel towards another person. This expression can be implicit or explicit, and depends on the capacity of each person.

However, Some individuals do not feel prepared to accept their feelings.. In these cases, the emotional response produced by accepting what they feel can become overwhelming and inhibiting.

For some people, commitment comes associated with vulnerability or weakness. Faced with this perception, they react in a way opposite to what is expected, they move away so as not to have to see face to face that fragility that inhabits them in the presence of the other.

In this situations, Flight is an avoidance mechanism that is characterized by running away to avoid facing what is happening.; thus avoiding the responsibility of responding to the other person and their reaction.

Houdini syndrome

In general terms, Houdini syndrome It is the tendency to escape emotional commitments. The person is unable to tolerate any hint of emotional intimacy, therefore, they run away.

The psychologist and writer Pablo Palmero, author of this concept, in his book The pillars of the heart, details and develops the main characteristics of this trend, which highlights:

The difficulty maintaining healthy and long-lasting relationshipswhether friendship or love. The tendency to systematically avoid any type of romantic relationshipwhether due to insecurities or fear of being subjected, thus losing freedom.

Forms of escape or emotional escape

The emotional flight response can be represented physically or emotionally. That is, the person can physically disappear from one moment to the next and without leaving traces. Or he may still be there physically, but his treatment becomes increasingly cold and distant; to the point that those involved become strangers and the relationship loses meaning.

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Likewise, Palmero adds another form of escapism that usually goes unnoticed and that many people tend to use without being aware of them. Is about individuals who have a normal social life, with good work and social relationships, but do not share their private life with anyone. In this way, no person really gets to know them.

Phases of Houdini syndrome

Houdini syndrome usually has several phases. All of them mark a process that goes from delivery to total rejection. Let’s see the main characteristics of each one:

Implication: stage of sentimental boom. In it, persuasion strategies are executed to obtain what you want from the other person. It seems there are no limits to friendship or love. Everything is perfect and we project a future with that person. However, this phase usually goes away as quickly as it appears.Doubts: The unsound foundations under which ties are built quickly cause doubts to appear. This is when the house of cards starts to fall. He does it slowly with the aim of not leaving traces.Exhaust: final stage that occurs when there is no longer contact. The other person has escaped from our lives, perhaps without leaving any explanation, and communication is practically non-existent.

Why does this emotional escape occur?

There are various reasons why a person decides to escape emotional involvement. And, generally, it is a combination of personal, social and cultural aspects. That said, let’s look at the most common causes:

1. Emotional immaturity

The most common cause of this syndrome is little emotional education that people receive during childhood and adolescence. Furthermore, society tends to bombard us with erroneous beliefs and stereotypes about relationships, which leads us to establish relationships without knowing how to manage them.

2. Fears and traumas

Fear is another factor that is linked to this cyclical pattern of attraction, doubt and escape in romantic relationships. In this case, Fears usually originate through traumatic experiences during childhood (abandonment, indifference, abuse, etc.), which are recorded in the unconscious and lead the person to flee from relationships; this as an attempt to avoid reliving the traumas of the past.

It is worth mentioning that the fear reaction can be expressed in different ways, depending on the person and the situation being experienced.

3. Social networks

In this context, devices have appeared that “facilitate” social relationships. Examples are Tinder or Facebook, where we can contact people from all over the world or find a partner in minutes. This has allowed people to no longer be indispensable. Well, there is a reserve “bank” with many other people waiting.

4. Supply and demand feelings

The speed at which we change relationships means that the ecstasy of love and friendship lasts very little. Once a link has ended, one goes out to the market again to seek the ecstasy of novelty..

How to detect an emotional escapist?

To analyze Houdini syndrome you have to start with yourself. On many occasions, people catch themselves complaining about these attitudes, when they have other people as a “plan b.”

Emotional involvement entails egocentric renunciations. Thus, a sign that gives away any escapist is the inability to commit beyond one’s own interests.

emotional weakness

So, the dilemma arises: do we get fully involved? If we get involved in a superficial way, we cannot hope to establish strong and lasting ties, they imply a risk. It is so Repetitive use and escape is a clear symptom of emotional weakness.

Now, weakness can be expressed in various ways:

Avoidant behaviors: People who cannot get involved cannot directly break ties either. This is how they progressively avoid contact with people through excuses.Denial: These people may show a certain sentimental block. They usually have problems expressing their feelings without acting.Egocentrism: These people have difficulty planning activities that are outside their interests.

For its part, the use of certain excuses or behaviors can make us recognize the tendency to escape. For example:

Extremely shy people They use this trait to protect themselves from emotional intimacy.Individuals who live looking for defects in others to invalidate what they feel about them.People who intellectualize everything and constantly provoke arguments and conflicts.People who eroticize everythingthey put sexual desire first and leave affection in the background.Submissive individuals who give in to others so as not to show what they really want.Comic subjects who cover feelings with humor.

All is not lost

We analyze emotional escapism as an individual and social phenomenon. We do not have to be escapists to fit into some edges of the profile defined in the article. We must analyze our actions and if we detect any escapist type characteristics, we can stop them before they become systematic.. Some keys are:

Detect the reasons for the syndrome: Sometimes, understanding the causes of something helps us put it aside. Thinking about what is leading us to flee from the other can give us insight into finding an appropriate solution. How to solve a problem if you don’t know what the difficulty is? You have to start there.Face fear: It is true that when we get involved we also take risks. Trust, empathy and feelings seem to be at play. But we should not be afraid if we are consistent with our ideas.Increase self-esteem: We don’t have to sell something we are not. The people who will approach and endure will do so because of our real characteristics.Use new coping strategies: Escaping is not a very good strategy in the long term, maybe in the short term, but in the long run it is a terrible formula because it does not solve anything. It is necessary that we look for other ways to deal with what we are fleeing from, more assertive and adaptive alternatives in the long term.Take care of the other: getting involved is important and playing with the other person’s expectations is an escapist sign. Sincerity is a way to protect others.

Final considerations

Although we can identify Houdini syndrome in several people who have passed through our lives, it is necessary to be objective. Nor is it about generalizing and saying that everyone suffers from it. Before labeling you have to open yourself to the other’s world…