“Help or not with household chores?” — a frank text on the role of children in household activities

For as long as I can remember, there has been a very strong cleaning culture in my family. My grandmother cleaned the stove and the toilets every day, the floor gleamed so much you could eat on top of it. The problem was that they wanted to raise me to be the “perfect housewife”, one of those who never feel ashamed when receiving an unexpected visitor.

I will tell the readers of the awesome.club about my experience. And in the end, a bonus with opinions of netizens on this subject. Follow up!

For starters, my parents believed I was born with the ability to wash dishes and mop floors. Naturally, in my 6-7 years it left dirt marks on the cups and didn’t clean the corners well.

But instead of explaining how to do it correctly or just helping at the beginning, I was told something like: “You are lazy, you will have to do each task for at least an hour to learn how to do it and memorize it”.

So I made it a joke to have some fun while cleaning: I talked to the forks, poured the water from cup to cup, covered the sink drain and let it flood until the dishes floated. And if I had to clean the doors and windows, I would first rub off all the dirt and then keep drawing on the surface with the rags.

As you can imagine, even doing this did nothing to contribute to my love of cleaning.

I can’t say that I grew up a lazy child. At first, I was even excited: “I’m going to do housework like adults do!”, I thought. But really, they were trying to make me, a growing girl, not just a helper, but literally a little cleaning lady., transferring almost all the household chores to my back. The adults only played the supervisory role, and I was just supposed to do, do, do.

I remember well when I was a child, my grandmother used to walk around the house with a white cloth checking to see if I had cleaned the dust properly. And my mother, when I turned 12, told me that her only role now was to earn money, and that all household chores would be the responsibility of the “adult daughter”🇧🇷 On top of that, I had to do well in school and only get A’s in everything.

It remained to be understood why my mother could limit herself to working, while I had to fulfill my obligations as a student and as a housewife.

One of the main problems I faced as an adult was a chronic inability to rest. I had to constantly prove to someone (probably myself first of all) that I wasn’t lazy.🇧🇷 Even during well-deserved vacations, I worried about making all the family’s schedule for the following week: “Today we’re going on an excursion, tomorrow we’re going to a museum, the day after tomorrow we’re going to visit other attractions”. It was out of the question to lie on a lounge chair by the pool.

I started allocating time to relax and literally force my body to idle. At first, not for a long time, 5-10 minutes having a cup of tea watching some video on the internet. Now I can stay in bed until 11 am on Sunday and not feel remorseful. In my case, it was a big step forward.

When my son entered adolescence and started lying in bed with a book or tablet for several hours straight, I found myself thinking about dropping a hint. Like, “Don’t you have anything better to do? Go wash the dishes.”

And in those moments I realize that these are the voices of my parents in my head, who always made me shake with anger calling me “slacker” or “lazy”. For some reason, they thought that a child should be busy all the time. And not with any nonsense, but with something useful. Otherwise, she would be a useless member of society.

I think that reflected on our generation. Many of the mothers who grew up in the 80s and 90s no longer dump all the housework on their children. But they managed to keep their little ones busy in another way: by enrolling them in a million clubs and activities.

Even psychologists say that a child should have free time to do whatever he wants without anyone bothering him.

Yes, I still have a complicated attitude towards cleanliness and I don’t much like to remember my childhood as a little Cinderella. That said, in my opinion, everyone has to make some small effort to help organize the house.

In my family, the rule is simple: we all live in the apartment so we must contribute to keeping it clean and tidy as best we can🇧🇷 I think it’s much more honest than transferring all domestic activity to the child, justifying that he’s working.

My parents firmly believed that children should just study and play. That way, I never even made my bed or threw out the trash. I’ll tell you about the consequences of this: when I moved to study, my roommates started saying I was sloppy. Sharing a room with me at that time was really unbearable: clothes scattered everywhere, dirty plates and glasses. Even today, as a married woman, I hate housework, and somewhere inside of me I feel like it’s someone else’s duty. I am raising my son in a different way. He has helped me wash clothes, take out the trash and vacuum the house since I was 2 years old. © Ranjini Shankar / QuoraHere is a list of my son’s responsibilities: feeding the dog, cooking dinner once a week, doing the dishes, putting away the clothes, and taking out the trash. In return, I buy him new clothes and school supplies, take him on trips, pay for his sports activities, and allow him to invite his friends. If he refuses to do any of his duties, I cut off any of his benefits. © Brooke Epps / Quora When I was 5, I was considered old enough to help around the house. She washed my clothes, cleaned the house every night and we couldn’t watch cartoons on the weekend before the house was spotless🇧🇷 I, with my brothers and sisters, was responsible for preparing dinner, setting the table, and then washing the dishes after dinner. © Joyce Frankel / QuoraWhen I was 6, my dad bought a farm. My sisters and I were required to sweep the floors, wash the dishes, and vacuum both floors of the house. We also had seasonal tasks like gardening, helping to pick fruit, weeding, getting firewood, tending the lawn, milking the cows, and tending the calves. By the way, my mother’s sisters told her that we worked hard, but she didn’t listen. Yes, we grew up and became successful people. But I often find myself thinking that I don’t care about myself and I do everything for others. © Leah Spencer / Quora

Do you think your child should help around the house or do you think he should enjoy his free time and dedicate himself to his children’s activities? Tell us in the comments section.