Guilt, one of the greatest enemies of happiness

Guilt is above all, an emotion. Sigmund Freud already pointed out at the time that few dimensions were as complex to accept as this state. Hence, we raise a whole series of defense mechanisms to not face it as we deserve, hence we often end up in situations where anxiety and anguish end up taking a toll on our well-being.

Concepción Arenal said, one of the main founders of the social action that “When the fault lies with many, the fault lies with no one.” Thus, I wanted to imply that the value of guilt is mainly linked to the cultural framework in which we find ourselves and, specifically, to the moral value in which we have been educated.

In fact, anthropologists and sociologists have also proposed numerous hypotheses on this topic, which, as we see, often transcends the territory of psychology. The truth is that the causes of this feeling of guilt are often related to a struggle between established values. Also the opposition with one’s own common sense, which pushes one to act in a certain way.

Guilt, the emotion that destroys little by little

A person may feel guilty for something they did, for something they did not do., for something you thought you did, or for not doing enough for someone. Few emotions are so problematic and at the same time dangerous. We cannot forget, for example, that those who carry this burden often end up hurting others by projecting their own guilt onto others.

Thus, studies such as those carried out by June Price Tangney and Jeff Stuewig, from George Mason University, Fairfax, Virginia, point us to something interesting. Often, Another dimension is added to the feeling of guilt: shame. We are ashamed of ourselves for not having acted at a given moment as we wanted.

Guilt and self-esteem

The implication of guilt can undermine self-esteem. We distort our reality, we have negative internal dialogue and we develop a very draining view of ourselves.

The emotional exhaustion that is experienced comes with fatigue, helplessness and often even anger. We hate ourselves and sometimes we even project this discomfort onto others.

The three components of guilt

The cycle of guilt is fueled by three basic dimensions: lack of self-acceptance, shame and discomfort.. It doesn’t matter what we do or don’t do, on a day-to-day basis every act will take us to that point where the feeling of guilt resides. Every thought, every dynamic in which we are immersed, will end up leading to that internal wound that we do not repair or face properly.

The lack of acceptance of ourselves and that critical vision inevitably eats away at us. Later shame appears, which is nothing more than rejection of one’s own person. These two components intensify greater discomfort on a daily basis.

Therapy to deal with guilt

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a good therapeutic framework to deal with these types of situations.. It will allow us the following:

Recognize negative thoughts, accept them as part of who we are at this moment.Commit to generating changes. Embrace and accept our mistakes, be more compassionate with ourselves and strengthen self-esteem.

Likewise, it will also be appropriate to take the following measures.

Put distance from people who do not hesitate to feed the feeling of guilt on us. There are individuals with a special ability to raise our anxiety, to wear us down, to violate self-esteem.Mental exercises to relativize the conflict: Through this technique we learn to visualize the situation from an external prism, where we can control our emotions and have a greater sense of control.Free yourself from the obsessive sense of responsibility. The writer Fyodor Dostoevsky assured that “it is my fault, my personal fault, if the world goes wrong.” This tormented author, whose works reveal great psychological value, gave with this phrase the main key to not feeling guilty about everything. The person suffering from constant guilt must learn to accept the world as it is regardless of what it is like.

To conclude, although in many cases we can manage guilt on our own by changing our focus and improving our self-esteem, sometimes it is necessary to seek expert help. We cannot ignore the fact that guilt can become chronic and plunge us into states of great psychological exhaustion.

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