Friends who ghost: why is it?

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“Ghosting” (leaving someone without giving an explanation) does not only occur in relationships. It is also common among friends, being just as painful.

There are friends who make ghosting, a very destructive form of aggression for those who suffer it. And there are people who disappear from one day to the next of their own free will and without giving any type of explanation, leaving those who are left wondering what happened, what was done to obtain that answer.

That person whom we thought we knew and in whom we had placed all our trust can betray us without us knowing the reason.

The term ghosting, although it has modern labeling, actually defines an ancient practice. It has always happened, both in emotional relationships and in any other type of bond. Nowadays, the mechanisms are different and sometimes it is even easier: just don’t respond to calls or WhatsApp .

However, although we are dealing with a phenomenon as old as human relationships themselves, There is an indisputable and frequent fact. Jumping from partner to partner or from friendship to friendship is frequent for some people, which in many cases is experienced in a traumatic way by those who suffer that significant absence.

Victims of ghosting are increasingly seen in psychological consultations. It is an experience with a harsh impact on self-esteem.

Friends who ghost, a painful experience

They say that the “non-response” (see the message without the double blue check) is already in itself an obvious answer that someone is not interested in us. However, how to accept it right off the bat? How can we assume that that friend with whom we had such a connection and whom we trusted no longer wants to know anything about us?

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It seems that sometimes relationships dissolve like someone pouring aspirin into a glass of water. Only the pain, instead of disappearing, intensifies. Thus, although it is true that in recent years this experience is almost the order of the day, The scientific literature on this topic is quite recent..

An example of this is the study carried out by Dartmouth College in Hanover and Roanoke College in Salem, which constitutes a first attempt to understand why there are couples and friendships who cut off all relationships without giving any explanation.

Something that seems to be evident is that he ghosting It is much more common among friendships than on an emotional level.. Now, the fact that it is so does not make it any less painful. Let us now analyze the possible causes that orchestrate this phenomenon.

What is the reason for this inexplicable absence?

The friends they make ghosting are people who suddenly leave us in the middle of the desert without giving an explanation. We do not know why this behavior is due, but what we do experience is the feeling of being lost. How did we get to that situation?

First of all, ending a relationship without giving an explanation reveals a certain personal immaturity. It is evident that He wasn’t the kind of friend we thought at first.. This is something we must assume. Their priorities are different. It is possible that for a time that friendship was enriching, but There may come a time when that person’s interests and tastes change completely.Another obvious fact is that there are aspects of us that he did not like. It may be that our ideals or our personality were more annoying than enriching. Other, more meaningful friendships appear. It’s that simple. Sometimes, You can meet other figures with whom you have a greater connection and ignore us. Discomfort or fear of being honest in this regard makes people opt for ghosting.

On the other hand, sometimes another factor may appear. That friend may have personal problems of any kind and their response may be to distance themselves.. It is something we can never rule out.

Many people who ghost know that the best thing to do would have been to be honest and have a conversation. However, shame and fear of how the other person may react makes them opt for the simplest strategy: disappearing and not responding to messages.

How to deal with the disappearance of a friend?

The phenomenon of the friends they make ghosting has increased after the pandemic. It is as if during this time of separation and isolation many have chosen to reformulate their relationships, eliminate ballast or wipe the slate clean. As such, this decision is totally permissible, but it must be done well, with honesty and not opting for silence and non-response.

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Now, how can we handle these situations? Given that it is very common to suffer this experience: how to act? We analyze it.

When a friend doesn’t respond to your messages, it’s important to make sure “they’re okay.”. Talk to third parties and take a look at their social networks (if they have them). The most common thing is to discover that, although they do not respond to WhatsApp messages, they continue uploading photos to Instagram or Facebook.Once you become aware that the person does not want to respond to you or have contact, give up. Delete your contact from your mobile phone and also from social networks. It is a very necessary and healthy first step.It is also necessary to remember that someone’s bad behavior does not define your worth.. The fault is not in us, it is in whoever commits ghostingin whom this clear lack of maturity and honesty is evident.

Likewise, there is something obvious. It is very difficult to move on from something painful when we don’t even know what it is about.. This experience will always accompany us.

However, when in doubt as to why that friend walked away from us, we can only answer something very simple: True friends stay, fake ones are like leaves that fall from trees. In the end the wind takes them away.