Feeling alone as a couple: the emotional coldness that creates distances

Feeling alone as a couple is experiencing one of the deepest and most acute sufferings. It hurts not to know the reason for that emotional coldness. It contradicts the fact of having the person we love by our side and yet not feeling it. Few lonelinesses are more problematic (as well as common) than those that occur within the same home.

Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer said very correctly that loneliness is very beautiful as long as we have someone to tell it to.. However, and as striking as it may seem to us, there are many situations where a large number of people with a stable social network around them perceive themselves alone and disconnected from their environment. Something like this not only generates psychological discomfort, but also health problems.

The issue is not new. Feeling alone as a couple is something that has always happened. However, nowadays and thanks to studies on population loneliness, We are discovering more data about this anatomy of suffering that appears at almost any age. Young couples suffer from it and it is especially common in older adults.

Feeling alone as a couple, why does it happen?

There are dramas that do not need words, blows, or palpable tragedies for suffering to appear.. In reality, the greatest sadnesses are woven into the silence of day to day, little by little and in that everyday life where two people who before swore eternal love, now one of them no longer swears or promises, but rather avoids and applies willingly or without wanting emotional coldness.

Something like this really doesn’t happen from one week to the next. This psychological distancing (which is not always physical) appears in almost unsuspected ways.. It is stopping giving importance to the customs or rituals that we had before, it is forgetting details, it is listening to others but not listening to what they tell us, it is getting carried away by routine and not having the desire to do different things in common…

These types of situations have a serious impact. Perceiving how our partner seems to be mentally situated in other latitudes where the disconnection from us is increasingly evident, not only hurts. It is also the source of many other problems. Experts, such as Dr. Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, philosopher, psychologist and expert in emotional relationships, point out the following:

We must differentiate being alone from the phenomenon of loneliness. Being alone is not having anyone with us, there we are facing a physical reality. On the other hand, loneliness is an increasingly common psychological fact.and it is experienced especially by people who live as a couple.This type of loneliness often lays the foundations for depressive and anxiety disorders.. The suffering is maximum and, according to studies such as the one carried out at the University of Manchester (United Kingdom) by Dr. Greg Miller, loneliness as a psychological phenomenon is just as dangerous for health as tobacco or a sedentary life. .

Let’s see below what reasons there may be behind the fact of feeling alone as a couple.

Heartbreak and fear of acting

Sometimes, heartbreak makes an appearance like a cold wind whose source we do not identify.. Suddenly, and without the need for anything to happen, everything loses its shine, its meaning and significance. The emotions are no longer the same and there is no point in forcing them or making people see what is no longer felt.

The lack of love does not always need a specific reason for it to arise, it simply appears and when it does it can be equally disconcerting for both members of the couple. However, When one is fully aware that one no longer loves the other, one must act and make one’s feelings clear.. Deceptions (and self-deceptions) that persist over time have serious consequences. One of them is to make the other person suffer by perceiving the obvious emotional coldness.

The routine that catches us

Feeling alone as a couple is more likely when the weight of the routine increases. There are times when we simply let ourselves go. Work, obligations, children… Everything falls into a mechanical rhythm where there is no space for affection, to look each other in the eyes and meet again.

In the end, even conversations are routine, which erodes affection, love and intimacy. Faced with this we can try introduce changes in ourselves or seek professional help. In any case, passivity rarely fixes the problem.

What if the origin of the feeling of loneliness is you?

There is a third dimension to feeling alone as a couple to consider. Sometimes there comes a point in our lives when an unexplained void appears.. In this vital gap, dissatisfaction, the lack of existential meaning and even the fear of changing what surrounds us are mixed.

These types of situations are more common than we think. There are people who feel alone in their relationship because they are no longer the same; Frustration for not having what they want now sails through them. In these cases there is no one to blame, and even if we believe that it is the other who has changed and is no longer capable of giving us what we need, in reality, perhaps it is us.

We, perhaps, those of us who have evolved, grown in perspectives to the point of changing tastes, needs or motivations. (another professional projection, greater independence, new social and personal connections, etc.).

To conclude, loneliness as a couple is as recurring as it is deadly for many relationships. The first, because it is the source of suffering, psychological problems and also health problems. The second, because No one should or deserves to experience that type of pain that leaves us with so many consequences.

Therefore, let’s investigate the origin behind this situation. Let’s talk to our partners and share solutions while being sincere, respectful and responsible..

You might be interested…