Father’s role: what is the importance of the male figure for children

The connection between mother and child during pregnancy and breastfeeding transforms women into a safe haven. “The male figure, on the other hand, causes a rupture in this relationship, and that’s not bad at all”, says psychologist Melina Blanco Amarins (SP). The father is the first person who shows the child that he can trust someone other than his mother. Thus, the relationship of total maternal dependency is softened and the little ones begin to face the world and to fit in with society. “The way the child perceives the family in the first years of life is simple: the mother represents comfort and care and the father, the laws and castration”, explains psychologist Márcia Stanzione (RJ). It is living with this authority that makes the little one realize their limits. But that doesn’t mean not giving affection or protection. On the contrary! The more present the father figure is, the more secure the child will feel.

absent father

When living with a man doesn’t happen, letting go of the mother’s skirt can become a difficult task. “Each child will react in a different way, however it is common to identify traits of introspection and dependence in those who did not have a male role model”, says Melina. The tendency is for the daughter or son to become more closed and fearful. This also reflects in adolescence and adult life. Often untimely, young people, in addition to seeking maternal acceptance, want to face the limits imposed by the father, who directs them and helps form values.

male attitude

In the case of boys, the presence of the man is even more fundamental. “Human beings need someone to look up to and, in the case of boys, the male figure shows that the mother is not the only reference”, explains psychoanalyst Paulo Giraldes (SP). The man contributes to introducing the child to the world of differences, in the social and sexual spheres, which favors the construction of relationships and trust in others.

Modern Family

Father and mother do not always raise their children together. The important thing is to make the child feel safe in the most varied situations

1. In case of death, change of city, independent adoption or any situation in which living with the father is not possible, the mother cannot give in too much and try to compensate for this absence. You have to play the role of father and mother. Giving affection while setting boundaries.

2. In the absence of a father, it is healthy for children to adopt another male role model. It could be the grandfather, the uncle, the brother, the godfather, a close friend… However, make it clear to your child who this person is in the family dynamics to avoid confusion in the little one’s head.

3. When the marriage ends, the father must remain present in his son’s routine. Remember that not being the right person for you does not mean that he is not essential for the child. Detachment creates difficulties to relate in society.

mother’s push

Practical tips that will help you to harmonize the relationship between father and son

give space

It is important to allow the male figure to participate in the routine, taking on tasks such as bedtime, storytelling, going for a walk, picking up from school…

grant decision-making power

It’s not just the mother who knows what’s best for the child. The man of the house must also collaborate in the choices.

have a firm hand

It’s not worth letting the father be boring while you offer a lap. Mom also scolds.

trust

When the father takes the child for a walk, avoid calling all the time to check if everything is okay. Since you released it, you really need to trust, okay?

delegate

Ask the father to give him a lap and a bottle, change the diapers… Care that involves physical contact creates bonds. Take advantage of his participation to resume your life as a woman. Get your nails done, go to the movies, gather your friends!