Father of 4 children openly talks about the difficulties he faces every day

Russian blogger Mansur Shangareev tells on his Instagram about the life of a father with many children. And the reasons why he decided to publish it are the beauties Lina and Amalia, his daughters, and the mischievous boys Adam and Asad. The mother of this large family couldn’t be happier: she is not every father who accepts so many responsibilities at home and also participates in their children’s lives. And he doesn’t even consider himself a hero in this story.

we do awesome.club We took a look at Mansur’s blog and were surprised at how easily he takes care of these 4 little ones. Of course, curious stories are our forte, so we think you’ll enjoy reading this post (at the end, there’s the story that made us laugh until we dropped).

… so I went to the pharmacy and bought a medicine called “Best Husband”. I took it in the morning and at night, and after a week I was cured.

This is what you’ve been waiting for, isn’t it? But contrary to all Buddhist teachings, psychologists’ advice and various other tips, I believe that a man can change if he understands and recognizes his mistakes.

My wife did not omit. She would tell me the things I did that bothered her and when my words and actions hurt her. I became more reserved, calmer. I didn’t want to see her upset or suffering or crying. My daughters were growing up and the thought that their future husbands could hurt them and make them suffer in the same way made my heart squeeze.

First, I’m the one who helps my wife. I would put this as the first and last point. Second, she has other helpers growing up: our older daughters. Third, in our house we have all the necessary appliances to make our lives easier. We have washing machine and dryer, vacuum cleaner for all types of cleaning; in the kitchen we have a dishwasher, a pan multicookerseveral blenders and even a bread maker.

Don’t copy stereotypes. Soviet times when everyone lived the same life: kindergarten, school, institute and work is past.

Another dangerous stereotype (even in today’s times) is that we are afraid to give responsibility to children. Now, parents are always running after their children and doing everything for them. This results in a child unable to dress at 3 years old, who doesn’t eat alone at 4, who doesn’t brush his teeth at 5 and doesn’t know how to tie his shoelaces at 7. No, your child is not stupid, quite the contrary, he is extremely intelligent and cunning. What will he strive for, if mom does everything for him and quickly?

When I look at divorce statistics, my left eye starts twitching. I’ve always thought a lot about why this happens. And I finally understood. It happens because many men are weak these days, and women, on the contrary, are quite strong.

No one congratulates the mother: “Wow, are you walking with your son? Wow, did you change the diaper? What a great mother you are!” Why do they talk like that to their parents? Taking care of the family together with your wife should not be seen as a heroic act on the part of men.

Sometimes it’s hard to get the tablet or turn off the computer after the “arranged” time has passed.

It is not necessary to do this by force, it does not bring any benefit. It is much more effective to approach the child, sit next to him, ask something from a cartoon or game character. And only after creating a connection, when she has calmed down a bit, ask her to turn off the device and go do something else.

Every morning, our daughters brush their teeth, comb their hair, change their clothes and run for breakfast. At night, the ritual is repeated: brushing teeth, showering and putting on pajamas for bed.

And before going to sleep, you need to caress them, give them a kiss, say something cute and cute to each one, cover them up properly and turn off the light. While my wife does other chores, I do these nightly rituals.

I’ve been to Europe and the US and I noticed that many parents walk hand in hand with their children. Many parents push the stroller or even use slings🇧🇷 And there is no specific division of female and male responsibilities in relation to the child.

What happens here? In our region, participation in the child’s life is more “systematic”: take, take, give money. People around me are surprised that I know what my son is reading, who his friends are and what shots he needs to have. But I am aware of the willingness, patience and time that are needed to take care of the “joys of our life” and, therefore, I try to help my wife as much as possible.

Yesterday, while my wife was setting the table, our daughters, Amália and Lina, decided to play store and simply tore up the money we had set aside to pay the electricity bills. Our eldest son, Asad, knocked over a vase of flowers and roared with laughter, leaping onto the strewn earth. And the youngest, Adam, started singing one of his songs, sticking his fingers and toes in his mouth too.

And that was just one morning. And in the Instagram photo it looked like everything was beautiful, didn’t it?

We think about it today. “Who is responsible for making the food?”. My wife, for example, has a sister who hates cooking and, therefore, this responsibility, in her family, rests with her husband. At the same time, I have a friend who doesn’t touch anything in the kitchen, because he believes that this is a “women’s” task. And what to do if the woman works as much as the man?

I believe that the most correct thing is for the two to work together for the general good of the family, without divisions by gender: male and female. Both need to do what:

it is more convenient (the husband takes the children to school because, for him, it is the way); does better (the wife, for example, irons clothes better than the husband); likes to do it better (husband doesn’t have the patience to wash the dishes, but he loves to cook).

One time we took our older daughters to their grandparents’ house and were left alone in the house with Asad (little Adam was not yet born). We were looking forward to the peaceful days ahead and rides with only one child in a stroller.

But it was not like that. When the three of them are together, Asad does everything as a group: he plays with his sisters, eats with them, sleeps together. It’s noisy and crowded, but organized. When he was left alone, he needed a lot more of our attention. He didn’t want to eat and he didn’t sleep for anything.

We picked up the girls and the mess came back, but at least Asad didn’t complain anymore: he played, ate and slept with his sisters. And we were able to regain our sanity.

How to cut a watermelon correctly? Does the middle part, the sweetest and seedless part, go to the kids and the rest to the adults? Or do they all eat the pieces equally?

For many children these days, it comes as a surprise to learn that their parents might also want something. I’m serious. The best always goes to the children. The most important thing is to please them. And what are we adults left with? We are also people with emotions, wills, plans and dreams.

In our family, however, we share everything. And we don’t deprive children of anything, quite the contrary, we give them life experience, in which they need to consider their own interests, but also the needs of others.

Two sisters look at their brother. Is there some kind of jealousy between them? Yes there is. I believe that jealousy is a normal feeling. The important thing is to know how to deal with it.

Whoever has a brother or sister undergoes good training for adult life. In a large family, children learn to talk, defend their interests, keep their commitments and listen to others.

If maternal love and affection means making sure your child eats right, sleeps on time and walks as much as he should, then it is important for the father to fulfill his own ambitions.

When Lina was born, I was 30 years old. I started practicing with her as soon as she uttered the first words. Lina turned out to be a really smart kid, and my parental ego immediately swelled.

But thinking about Amalia who, at the age of 3, only knew a few words, I understand that we gave her what we didn’t give Lina: a completely free and carefree childhood. We don’t expect half of what we expected from Lina at the same age from Amalia. Sometimes I think we go too far, trying to make our eldest daughter “the example”.

Vacationing with kids is a headache. It’s “I want to drink water”, “I want to go to the bathroom”, “I want to eat” every hour. It’s constant apologies for bumping someone’s leg or dropping their purse. Also, we are always late, as catching the children who ran away with one hand does not work very well.

In the end, you head to your destination with one thing in mind: get there early and sleep a lot, because you’re just as tired as a stressful day at work.

But it’s so good! That’s when you realize how much your life has meaning. Having someone to show all the beauty of this world and with whom to share emotions. Travel with your families, people. Without my wife it’s empty. Without the kids, it’s no fun. And alone is very lonely.

They learn from the educators in the nursery for a few hours only. And who said that children constantly need educational activities? The child should grow up in harmony and develop without haste, gradually participating in family activities: cleaning together, preparing food, taking a walk or watching a movie. These emotions and experiences cannot be transmitted or replaced by any educator.

I don’t judge anyone and I don’t criticize. If a family has the need to send the little ones to day care, that is their choice. And it is clear that most parents want the best for their children.

Often, the child may think that he is a burden, a punishment or unhappiness for the parents. Why does it happen? First, parents sometimes think that showing love means giving their child what they think…