False self-esteem: a mask to hide that we have low self-esteem

False self-esteem is a defense mechanism, a mask that acts as protection so that they do not hurt us and, above all, to pretend that we do not have insecurity problems.

Often, The very people who create this sophisticated psychological shell are not even aware that they have low self-esteem. Their resources are so firm, their daily tools to hide the truth so solvent, that even they themselves end up believing that they enjoy great self-esteem.

On the other hand, an important aspect should be highlighted. There are certain personality types that are relatively aware of that void, of that weakness in the fabric of self-esteem. Being semi-aware of this, they use their masks to cover that weakness but at the same time deploying abusive and even controlling dynamics. Let’s see more data below.

False self-esteem: a negative relationship with oneself

In 1890, William James defined self-esteem as a fundamental human need to navigate life., where you can better manage emotions such as anger, fear or violence. He draws attention above all that the famous psychologist related the absence or weakness in this dimension as a dangerous path, as a way of approaching unhappiness or even not respecting others.

This approach, this idea has its basis in reason. In fact, Studies such as the one carried out at the University of Colorado, indicate that the narcissistic personality, for example, contains a false self-esteem.. These types of people are the ones who make working in an organization difficult, those who do not build solid relationships and those who, in the end, present serious problems in being happy.

Self-esteem, therefore, is an unmatched mechanism for relating to ourselves in a healthy way. If we respect ourselves, care and value ourselves as we deserve, we will also do so in those around us. If we do not do so and take refuge in false self-esteem, we will shape one of the following masks or appearances.

5 appearances of false self-esteem

1. Beauty and apparent security

Many think that an attractive and beautiful person is the clear reflection of a strong and solvent self-esteem. Now, this relationship is not always fulfilled. Self-esteem does not depend on whether a person is prettier or uglier. There are beauties with low self-esteem and people with less attractive physiques with high self-esteem.

Often, beautiful people with false self-esteem have the belief that if they really knew them, they would disappoint. They perceive themselves as a deception. Any imperfection (dark circles, unkempt hairstyle, lack of makeup) will create insecurity. Therefore, it is common for them to be obsessed with their image, because it is through their physique where they try to show the solvency of their character.

Showing a minimally neglected physique affects your self-confidence. They cling to the image because they doubt their personal worth. This can be counterproductive, because as the physique changes with age, security will also decline.

2. Professional successes

There is nothing better than a powerful and distinguished job to take refuge in and forget that we do not value ourselves for who we really are. People with false self-esteem often hide behind their professional successes. Beyond that work environment they are nothing because they do not find themselves, they do not perceive their power nor can they make use of their position of authority.

Work gives them an identity that gives them security.“I am a lawyer, I am a doctor, I am a director, I am…”

A good position should not be linked to identity, the important thing is who you are as a person, no matter what you do. Someone with healthy self-esteem and a good position will not feel superior, they will enjoy their luck but without boasting or taking advantage of their work success to feel like “someone.”

Instead, A person with false self-esteem will need to boast about their occupation to feel superior. The superiority complex hides weakness, it is like a defense mechanism that the mind sets in motion to counteract the lack of self-esteem. Weaknesses are masked and self-deception occurs as a means of salvation.

3. Economy and possessions

Just as with the work aspect, those who have a rich economy and many material possessions can blind themselves and attach their identity to all the material wealth. The trait of a person with low self-esteem and high economics would be to show off his belongings and, above all, buy everything necessary to be in the latest fashion in every way, whether in clothes, electronics, etc…

They will need to have the best because then they will feel valuable. Likewise, it is common that they need to expose what they have and show off, to receive recognition from society. The appreciation they do not have of themselves is expected from others. This is how false self-esteem is fed, clinging to external things that can be lost, such as work, money, possessions, etc.

People with high self-esteem do not need to accumulate or have things to feel good.. They won’t mind carrying a cell phone that isn’t up to date, nor will they need to wear expensive brands as a habit, or have a luxurious car. They do not need to show off or stand out, but will limit themselves (and this is no small thing) to enjoying what they have. Always with humility and without feeling superior to anyone.

As they have good self-esteem, they will not care what others think, they do not need to boast or prove anything. They do not seek recognition from anyone, they possess it themselves.

4. Narcissism

Another way to hide insecurities would be to put on a mask of narcissism. These people think that by inflating their ego and feeling better, they will solve their problem. Not feeling valuable, they need to create a false identity to feel good in society.

They give this image of believing they are the best, but in reality inside they do not feel comfortable with themselves. They can become cruel, because a person who does not love himself, who does not believe in himself, will try to attack the weaknesses of others, in order to place himself in a position of power. This book can help you unmask these types of people.

5. Instability in love and false self-esteem

Insecure people fear commitment. What some do is look for a kind of leader and self-confident couple to give themselves over and let them lead them. Others, to hide their fear of commitment, opt for fleeting and disposable relationships.

Few dimensions are more dangerous than low self-esteem in emotional relationships. It is a source of unhappiness for oneself and others, it is not feeling worthy of a firm and committed love. It is also hurting others for not knowing how to get involved, for not being authentic.

Unmasking false self-esteem

Feeling of superiority, envy, cruelty, lack of commitment and respect… Not loving yourself undoubtedly has serious side effects. Other symptoms associated with these situations are arrogance, pride, criticism, not being able to recognize if a mistake has been made, much less ask for forgiveness.

The more we shed possessions and attachments, when we drop masks and artifices, we can finally get closer to our “self.” It is then when we have the opportunity to see ourselves authentically to discover the shortcomings, gaps such as weak self-esteem, that lack of healthy and respectful self-love.

Healing this psychological tissue takes time, it is a delicate but necessary craft. Strengthening our image, feeling worthy of our own respect is key to also understanding other people’s realities. When I nourish myself and give myself affection, I begin to understand that others also deserve the same treatment. Self-esteem is ultimately that bridge of power towards ourselves but also the gateway to understanding others.

In fact, how you see yourself is more important than how others see you. If in a mirror you perceive yourself as dull, small and “less than…”, in the end others will also end up perceiving you in the same way. Therefore, believe in yourself, in your abilities, trust in your worth and your values ​​and no one will be able to take away your self-esteem.

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