Express what bothers you without hurting your partner

There is no doubt that one of the indicators of well-being between 2 people in a romantic relationship is communication; an important exchange, especially when it comes to expressing what is bothering you without hurting your partner. Addressing certain topics can cause very intense negative feelings that make us lose control, such as fear and anger.

Emotional responsibility deserves priority in communication. It is easy to fall into false beliefs, such as that sincerity is the same as putting words to everything that crosses our mind, whether there is reflection or not. Here you will find some strategies to improve this part of your communication skills. Take note.

The weight of communication in the couple

Communication is what you tell me and what I tell you; but also what you don’t tell me or what I don’t tell you. Furthermore, it is what I express or do not express with words or without them. This process, far from being a mere exchange of messages, is a way to resolve conflicts, share special moments, take care of yourself and, ultimately, keep a relationship healthy.

According to a publication of the Electronic Journal of Psychology Iztacalacommunication style influences couple satisfaction. People who make an effort to understand each other, who solve problems constructively and prioritize empathy, experience more satisfaction. On the other hand, we have those with an avoidant, hurtful or gossiping style, which correlate with the opposite.

Reacting out of anger does not bring good results, it is advisable to wait for the emotions to calm down and talk.

How to express what bothers you about your partner without hurting their feelings?

Building good communication as a couple requires time, effort and dedication. However, it is available to anyone who decides to work on themselves and how they relate to others. Here are some tips to help you achieve this.

1. Open a space to process your emotions

It is normal that you want to eliminate discomfort quickly and instinctively. However, resorting to impulsiveness to make criticism or express our feelings does not usually lead to a successful outcome.; Experience tells us that under these parameters it is easy for the forms to make us lose our reason, if any, and that we end up causing damage that we did not want to cause.

Give yourself the time you need to calm the anger, reorganize your thoughts, and find a way to express yourself that is empathetic. The work of emotional regulation is directly related to the attachment style in the couple, contributing to making it safe, as noted in this study reviewed by the Universidad Pontificia Comillas.

2. Try techniques to communicate

Here the details count, so it is advisable to look for strategies that facilitate the couple’s communication process. Let’s look at the following:

Ask instead of demanding: A request gives the other the opportunity to demonstrate how much they want to be involved in solving the problem. Demanding forces him to give in or fight against you.Avoid “always” and “never”: These two adverbs of time make your statements exaggerated and inflexible. Instead of “you never pick up the dishes,” say “I wish you would pick up the dishes more often.”People do, we are not: It is much better to refer to the specific actions that bother us instead of associating them with your partner’s personality traits. An example would be pointing out that you would like to spend more time together, without calling the other person boring.Ask instead of affirm: This may seem like just a change in intonation, but it is a small action that greatly contributes to the flow of the conversation. Offering your partner the opportunity to express themselves is much more constructive than assuming something without being able to answer.

3. Choose a good time to speak and take care of your non-verbal language

Avoid the conversation when both of you are angry or sad, there is no time or you don’t have clear ideas. Share your desire to talk about it by making it clear that he Postponement is not a flight forward, but the logical consequence of a sense of responsibility, and agree on a time to have the conversation.

On the other hand, People find little or no credibility when our mimicry does not accompany the words. In this sense, it is not about, for example, hiding that we are happy or not very bothered by what the other has done, but rather about regulating this expression while maintaining coherence. It’s more subtle, but it takes practice.

5. Do not confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness

Limits are necessary. Sometimes, we will have to mark or defend them and we will have to do it against the flow; in other words, in an uncomfortable way, because the wind is not blowing in favor. This is where it has value assertiveness, based on sincerity, empathy and decision, so that it does not require aggressiveness to enforce those limits and express without hurting what bothers you about your partner.

Seeking professional help will always be an appropriate way to learn how to communicate what makes you uncomfortable in your relationship.

It’s okay to go to a psychologist to learn how to express what bothers you about your partner without hurting you.

Conflicts as a couple are very heterogeneous in terms of course and origin. Jealousy, substance abuse, in-laws and abuse, for example, may require the intervention of a professional. It refers to a work published by the Konrad Lorenz University Foundation, which Couples therapy will help you acquire communication tools and address problems through guided and structured solutions.

Remember that a healthy relationship is built day by day, watering it and our own personal development. They are there, together, because they love each other. Make it count!

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