Everything is transient, what was yesterday may not be today.

“Nothing is fixed or permanent… The things we acquire and lose change… That’s what life is, this transience. Everything is transient, what was yesterday may not be today. How will it be? Nothing is repeated, everything happens once. You can repeat today’s moment, with the same clothes, in the same way, but the moment is unique, it will never be repeated. Everything in life only happens once, but we don’t appreciate it, we complain…” – Monja Coen

I was here feeling a longing, those hurts to feel. Those homesickness that make us rethink life, rethink attitudes, ponder whether we should really have gone this way or that way. Of those homesickness that drive us to return.

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So I went looking for a distraction that wouldn’t listen to a song that made my mood worse and I came across the words above, in a video that I decided to listen to… This enlightened person who is Monja Coen (I recommend you listen to her), made me absorb these words, in the best “this was what I needed to hear” style.

We really miss you. I’ve already rambled on about it again, saying that homesickness is a sign of a well-lived moment. But boy, hadn’t I forgotten about my own convictions?

We miss you… And maybe there are stages in our lives that should be that… Saudade. Even if it’s one of those hurts to feel.

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But it’s not to write penalized, about homesickness, that I came here. In fact, the words of the Nun made me realize that many times we waste time feeling homesick, and we stop valuing the moment. “We don’t appreciate it, we complain…”. And how people complain! And the moment doesn’t come back. Even if we can relive that good moment that we missed, that specific moment doesn’t come back.

One day my mother made a dinner that I will never forget. It was simple food, but from the context, it had a special flavor. She was so overjoyed at my gratitude for that meal that she’s tried to repeat the dish several times, but it never tastes the same again, even though it’s been very good every other time. That day, I had dinner with pleasure, I enjoyed the moment.

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“Nothing is fixed or permanent… The things we acquire and lose change… That’s what life is, this transience. Everything is transient, what was yesterday may not be today”. And we miss you. And why not feel this longing without hurting your chest?

Why do we turn love into pain? Why do we put resentment in feelings that are so good, they left this longing? Because otherwise, if the past moment was bad, we would feel angry. But if you miss it… Why not remember that enjoying the moment you lived?

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“Nothing is repeated, everything happens once”. Even if we can do that again, and again, and again… Every day will have been unique.

Then I allowed myself to miss you… I relived those good, beautiful moments, I heard a voice echoing here in my mind making me reflect “do you see how good life is?”. I reviewed the sunset, reaffirmed certain certainties inside my chest and created damn uncertainties.

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If every moment is unique, if everything in life only happens once and if it was good, to the point of missing you in every song lyric, in the details of life, in the perfume, why not miss you? Why not live this longing?

Because if you missed it… It was good. Otherwise we would be angry. But if we miss you, why not? And knowing that life is, as Monja Coen said, this transience. What was yesterday is no longer today.

But it’s good to have lived through it. Good to be able to remember, and miss you.

Luciana Marques