Empathy is not Spell

We have all heard about Empathy, and in many cases, it will have been explained to us as “the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.”

However, This usually doesn’t work very well in practice. While it is true that sometimes we put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, in most cases We do it only because we agree with the person in front of us, that is, we sympathize with her.

Spell

Therefore, we could say that Spell means COINCIDING, and share the values ​​of the other person, we sympathize with friends and with people who share something in life, and therefore, it will be easy for us to “put ourselves in their place.”

Yes ok, It will not be so easy for us to “put ourselves in the place” of that person with whom we have nothing in common. This is precisely the weak point of that brief definition of empathy.

What is Empathy?

Empathy is a communicative attitude that allows us to encompass all interpersonal interactions.regardless of who the person in front of us is, whether we agree with him or not, whether we sympathize with him or not.

We can then define Empathy as the ability to express RESPECT for the place from which the other person speaks to us, whether we agree with them or not.

EMPATHY is not SYMPATHY.

Empathy means respect for the other person, and on many occasions, our personal position does not matter, since it may be contrary to that of the other person. Otherwise, If we agree, we will be sympathizing with her.

How to use Empathy?

We empathize with people different from us, when I respect them in their position. For it, We express our Empathy to the other, showing understanding and understanding for their position, since we observe from where he speaks to us and we do not judge him for it. Some examples to express Empathy could be:

“I understand that what you tell me is important to you”

“I understand that you are angry about what is unfair to you”

When to express our personal opinion?

To show Empathy, it is not necessary to express our opinion about it, since Empathy involves LISTENING, OBSERVATION AND RESPECT towards the other person’s position.

Of course, there will be many other occasions to express our opinion, starting from respect and Empathy, through Assertive or appropriate Communication.

Other confusions…

Sometimes in our daily lives, We believe we are Empathic, when in reality we are seeking to be on good terms with others., “please” the other person, to obtain their approval, this does not mean we are Empathizing, since what we intend is to Sympathize to obtain something in return, their appreciation. And that is not Empathy.

On other occasions, simply we agree with the other person, and we are friendly towards the other person.

What does Respect mean?

Respect means Knowledge and Empathy. Since we need to know and observe the other person, to be able to show respect in their position.

To respect is to assume that all people have the right to decide how we want to live, think, act, feel and we do not judge them for it. On the contrary, we respect them in their life decisions.

When we respect, we understand where the other is speaking to us from, according to their own scale of values, That is, we show Empathy towards their position, without needing to “put ourselves in their place”, since our scale of values ​​can be very different, we understand and understand where they are speaking from, we respect them and express Empathy.

We may not share your scale of values, however, We show Empathy with the other person when we respect their position without trying to change it.

In the coexistence of two or more people, Respect is allowing us to do things as each one decides and showing Empathy is showing our respect.without this implying imposing changes on the other person, which would modify their scale of values.

That’s why, EMPATHY is a fabulous tool for interpersonal relationships, especially, in the professional ones and in those that generate differences.