Emotionally abusive mothers

The figure of the mother is wrapped in an almost sacred halo within many cultures. The most common thing is that They give everything of themselves for the well-being of their children; and many expect in response that they profess a kind of veneration for them. until the end of his days. However, there are emotionally abusive mothers.

Mothers who can be very sensitive. The mere fact of criticizing them causes enormous wounds in their maternal hearts. Disobeying them is a serious affront, no matter how absurd her orders may be, no matter how childish her behavior may be. All these attitudes and behaviors end up giving shape to the toxic parent syndrome, a very common reality in our daily lives.

This situation is quite visible in Latin America, but it is also not foreign to other places in the world where There is a strong roots in the idea of ​​family as an absolute value. Of course, not all mothers have that disposition. There are healthy ones willing to raise free and independent children. Unfortunately, there are also many cases where the mother is the source of abuse.

Defining abuse

Seen tangentially, the figures indicate that The word “abuse” appears more frequently associated with fathers and not so much with mothers. Men top the charts for physical abuse and sexual abuse. Thus, when it comes to emotional abuse, it is almost always related to issues such as abandonment or direct abuse.

It should be noted that it was in the 90s when the figure of the mother first appeared as a focus of abuse thanks to the book by psychologist Susan Forward. “Parents who hate.” In this interesting work, the behaviors of those mothers characterized by toxic parenting began to be defined.

However, In many cases, emotional abuse can go unnoticed. This occurs because some mothers do not realize the mistakes they make and replicate the guidelines they have learned throughout their lives, assuming them as a normal and constitutive part of motherhood.

On the other hand, since emotional abuse is not usually accompanied by physical abuse, It is assumed to be less harmful and, consequently, it is not given enough importance. Likewise, there are mothers who justify their abusive actions in the discourse of maternal love and that they do them for the good of their sons or daughters.

Thus, It is difficult to recognize patterns of abuse and, even more so, to break them. Sometimes emotional abuse can come from loving and caring mothers, with ambiguous and ambivalent behaviors, alternating between affection, contempt and indifference.

Therefore, learning to recognize the characteristics of an emotionally abusive mother is a first step to start working on the problem and, progressively, trying to heal the maternal bond.

Psychological characteristics of emotionally abusive mothers

At times, emotionally abusive mothers would appear to be victims of abuse perpetrated by fathers. However, this fact is not always true. Let’s see the main ones that characterize them.

We can say that A mother is emotionally abusive when she uses her children to satisfy her own emotional voids.. When you think that your children are not independent human beings, but rather that they exist to compensate them for what they lost or did not have. Therefore, more than educating them so that they grow up emotionally and psychologically healthy, They are responsible for creating obstacles to their individual development.They show low self-esteem, as well as a lack of self-confidence.They are controlling and use their children to achieve certain goals.They need to be the center of attention.They are authoritarian and critical.They violate every emotional need of the children.

In addition, Studies such as the one carried out at the University of Michigan show us that the effects of this type of parenting are immense. Children develop less competence in social skills, self-esteem and personal maturity.

Signs of Abuse from Emotionally Abusive Mothers

There are several specific behaviors of emotionally abusive mothers that can be classified as a form of abuse. Among them are:

The use of threat as a measure to control your child’s behavior. She threatens to hit, to punish… But she also threatens with eternal damnation, with abandonment, with the revenge of fate, with falling ill.Use force and impositionbefore dialogue and persuasion.Constantly resorts to blame as an instrument of pressure.Takes ownership of conversations. He interrupts his son when he is talking and always wants to have the last word in an argument.Invades their children’s privacy and rejects their friends. In general, he looks askance at anyone else who is emotionally important to his children. They are rivals who put their absolute reign at risk. He has no problem inserting himself into their conversations or demanding that they tell him the details of them.He distrusts his children, underestimates them and criticizes them. He seeks to nullify self-esteem, because he knows that self-love is his main enemy. By undermining her son’s ability to appreciate himself, he makes him dependent on her for life.He does not explain his actions, he does not apologize, he does not recognize his mistakes. If asked, he states, “That is not done because it is wrong,” or “God does not forgive something like that,” but he never explains why. And instead of acknowledging that he was wrong, he seeks to justify himself.You can use aggression. Slapping, for example, is one of its most extreme resources.

These signs, among others, warn of the existence of emotional abuse by mothers, with serious consequences for those who suffer it. Now, we should not believe that they only apply to mothers with young children or adolescents.

More than one adult remains tied to a similar situation. In these cases, we should not hesitate to establish appropriate limits, healing distances and request expert help. It may be necessary to distance yourself from the abusive mother, reduce the frequency of visits and even, in cases of very serious and prolonged emotional abuse, avoid contact altogether.

It is also necessary to learn to cope with the feelings of guilt and recriminations that can emerge when we try to set limits on an abusive mother. Keep in mind that love, even a mother’s love, should always be reciprocal and respectful.

Finally, healing and overcoming these types of marks may require appropriate psychological therapies with which to restore identity and self-esteem to chart new and better life paths.

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