Emotional dependence: 5 ways to be less dependent

Emotional dependence happens when someone depends on another to be happy, to feel good, to feel loved, to make their own decisions. It can be mild and almost imperceptible suffering or even a mental disorder that requires treatment. The beginning of change happens when the person can value himself. As Osho says: “If you are capable of being happy when you are alone, you have learned the secret of being happy”.

Hello friends!

A dear reader of the site, Michele, suggested this topic to me – Emotional Dependence. For those who have never heard of it, we can start by understanding what the word addiction is. When we say that a person is a chemical dependent, we are saying that the person needs a substance (such as alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, nicotine) to feel good and, at the same time, the substance is fundamental, that is, the person It depends her. For this reason, we speak of a substance dependent person.

In emotional dependence, we can find similarities in these two factors:

– to feel good, a person needs someone else, such as a boyfriend or husband;

– the need for presence is such that we must say that the person feels that he needs, that he depends on the other to live. And so you can make all sorts of sacrifices to maintain the relationship, even if it may be going from bad to worse.

Well, this is a basic definition, an analogy with chemical dependence, so that we begin to understand what emotional dependence is.

What is emotional dependence?

According to Mental Health America, an American non-profit association, “codependency or emotional dependence is an emotional or behavioral condition that affects the individual’s ability to have a healthy and mutually satisfying relationship”. By this definition, we begin to see that emotional dependence will have negative impacts not only for the person who suffers, but also for his or her partner.

A clearer definition linked to psychology says that codependency or emotional dependence is “a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected by a pathological condition”. In this sense, emotional dependence could already be considered a pathological condition, which requires care and treatment. This is not always the case, however, it is important to consider the possibility that it is a mental disorder. According to the DSM-5, the diagnostic criteria for Dependent Personality Disorder are:

Dependent Personality Disorder – DSM-5

A pervasive, excessive need to be cared for that leads to submissive and clinging behaviors that emerges in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1) Has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others.

2) Needs others to take responsibility for most major areas of your life

3) Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others due to fear of losing support or approval (Note: do not include actual fears of retaliation).

4) Has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his own (due to lack of self-confidence in his judgment or abilities rather than lack of motivation or energy).

5) Goes to extreme lengths to get affection and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do unpleasant things.

6) Feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone due to exaggerated fears of being unable to take care of oneself.

7) Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support right after the end of an intimate relationship.

8) Has unrealistic preoccupations with fears of being left to fend for themselves.

5 ways to become less dependent

Whether or not it is a mental disorder, whether or not it requires more specialized treatment, the following tips can help anyone to be less dependent. And since it can help lessen the suffering caused by addiction, I thought it would be useful to share. The tips were given in this article here.

1) Awareness of emotional dependence

Awareness of emotional dependence is the first step to start overcoming feelings. Without being aware of what is happening, everything will continue as it is and suffering will tend to continue. While if a change is sought, it can occur with the creation of more self-esteem, self-worth and/or with the help of psychotherapy.

2) Recognize your worth

Recognize your self-worth and work on increasing self-esteem, which can be improved by focusing on positive thoughts about yourself, realizing your limitations as well as your achievements, setting goals and objectives, helping others and doing what makes you feel good . Accept your decisions and observe your ability to do what’s best for you (and ask for help if you need it).

See here – Positive self-affirmations

3) Realize that you are in control of yourself

Realize that you are in control of yourself, including your feelings, emotions and actions. Sometimes events happen in life that are uncontrollable, but you need to realize what you can control. Don’t let someone else control the path you should take.

See also – What you can and what you cannot control

4) Acknowledge your emotional needs

Recognize your emotional needs and don’t depend on a single person. That is, work to build a network of relationships (friends, colleagues, family) and also consider the importance of therapy. After all, in therapy we can talk about things we wouldn’t talk about in other types of relationships.

Also read – 9 reasons to go to therapy

5) Don’t schedule your day-to-day depending on the other person

Realize that you too have needs that are important and you need to take control of your own life and do your own thing independently of others. You can compromise and recognize each other’s needs, but you also have to remember that you have to live your life, beyond the relationship.

You May Like: The Psychology of Loneliness

Conclusion

Some experts like to make the difference in love relationships between:

– loving the way the other person is;

– loving the fact of being loved, that is, depending on the love of the other to be happy.

In the first case, there is admiration and respect. In the second, there is the possibility of turning into an emotional dependence. As we said at the beginning, emotional dependence consists of depending on the other person to be happy. As if to say “If the other person doesn’t love me or doesn’t show that he loves me, I’m not happy”. Thus, all the attempts and games to be loved and continue to be loved begin, even if the relationship may be in bad shape.

It is common, in emotional dependence, for the person to put aside their own life. Job. Studies. Friends. Great friends. All to fully dedicate yourself to the relationship.

It is not always a mental disorder like what was cataloged by the DSM-5 as Dependent Personality Disorder. However, like any suffering, it is possible to find a way to overcome it. Therapy with a psychology professional can help and progress will begin to appear when the person understands that the way they feel is independent of what others do or fail to do. As Osho says: “If you are capable of being happy when you are alone, you have learned the secret of being happy”.

Click – Do you want a suggestion to feel good? Happiness and Psychology

Sponsored: Get rid of your partner’s emotional dependence

Suggested reading: (click on the book below)

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