Don’t date someone who:

Don’t date someone who started dating you because “oh, it happened, huh?” — or someone you’ve started dating for this reason.

Don’t date someone who started dating you for no reason less than being lost and stupidly in love, writing your name on the fogged glass of the shower all the time or opening Whatsapp just to see if you’re online.

Do not, under any circumstances, date someone who takes more than two seconds to answer “yes” when asked, “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”.

Don’t date someone over twenty-one who has a poster for any of the following movies/bands: Harry Potter, Backstreet Boys, Xuxa and Los Hermanos. They are very dangerous people. Oh, and if it’s posters for Stand By Me, The Goonnies, Bon Jovi, Emmanuelle and The Muppets, it’s okay.

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Don’t date someone who asks you to comb your hair better or wear a rumpled outfit when you meet friends or family. Also don’t date someone who doesn’t like three of the following nine things: Woody Allen, Star Wars, Football, Bon Jovi, The Beatles, drinking water straight from the tap, reading, dogs or cats, and listening to the conversation of others at the next table.

Don’t date, even at gunpoint by Clint Eastwood, someone who judges the things you like to be “silly” or “idiot.” Unless you like Harry Potter, then it’s really silly.

Do not date, under pain of eternal boredom, someone you are not intimate with to ask two of the following four questions: “Flying or invisibility?”, “Marvel or DC?”, “If you could go anywhere in the universe, would you rather see the birth of a star or a black hole”? or “if murder weren’t a crime, and our society didn’t see death as a bad thing, would you have the courage to kill someone?” — ah… my own experience, don’t date someone who answers “yes” to this last question either.

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Very important: don’t date someone who brags about flaws and disqualifies qualities. “You’re too honest”, “ah, I’m rude anyway, that’s my way”. It’s one thing to accept yourself as you are, it’s another to wait for the world to mold itself to you.

But the best advice I can give you is: date whoever you want. But then don’t say I didn’t warn you.