Do you take things personally?

Taking things personally can become a problem that damages self-esteem.. Well, if we take every negative situation as an attack against us, we can come to doubt our own worth and believe that we are to blame for everything that happens around us.

For example, having someone reject us is an experience that is usually unpleasant, however, we should not condition our emotional health to events of this type. Well, the most likely thing is that this attitude of the other person could be due to multiple factors beyond our control, such as the fact that the other person was in a bad mood or that they don’t like our way of being.

Whatever the case, We must try to be more realistic and give an objective assessment of events. To do this, it is very important to analyze and evaluate the fact from equidistance, instead of from the ego. If not, we can draw very wrong conclusions.

It is not personal

Think for a moment, Why can someone reject us? Is it really our fault? The reasons can be many, and all of them beyond our control.. It could be that the other person draws the wrong conclusions because he has a mental map in which there was someone similar to us with whom he did not have a good experience.

It could also be that you have not liked some behavior and fall into the erroneous thinking that we are our behavior, when in reality a person is much more than that and we can all make specific mistakes.

It could also be that we had not met each other’s expectations. But the truth is that this is not a reason to feel attacked either. Since, in reality, we should never try it. In fact, We must always be ourselves and not adapt to what others want us to be..

Don’t yell at me I can’t hear you

Lama Rinchen Gyaltsen, in his classes on Buddhist meditation, always tells his students: “No one wants to hurt you, that person had a bad day and you were in their way, but it could have been anyone else.”.

What we can learn from this teaching is that Many times we are the receptacle of others’ anger simply because they are having a bad day., and they could yell at us or anyone else. Changing our point of view on certain aspects of life greatly frees us from moments of anger.

Therefore, if someone accidentally hits us on the street, Instead of jumping out in fury and confronting each other, let’s stop and analyze the situation.. Surely, we will instantly realize that that person was stretching his muscles and, unintentionally, he hit us like anyone else who had been there. Then, we will know that it was a chance meeting that should not be given more importance.

How to stop taking things personally

Taking into account that the learning not to take things personally is a processwhich can be long and involves transformation and work on yourself, these tips can be useful to embark on this path of personal growth.

Educate your mind

It would be good to educate the mind so that, instead of thinking that everything is our fault, we change the way we reason towards a less egocentric perspective. For example, we write to someone and they do not answer us, Why do we have to think it’s our fault?

We don’t know the reasons why someone decides not to answer and the last thing we should think is that they don’t like us; given that Behind a thought that we dislike ourselves hides the true “we dislike ourselves.”

The reasons why someone may not answer us are so extensive that we will surely not get it right.. It could be due to lack of time, personal problems, lack of motivation or simply that they have so many options that they decide to choose others, neither better nor worse, but rather those that better suit their needs.

We can never fit in everywhere, For this reason, it is necessary to learn to think in a way where the reasons do not matter, everything must flow naturally and what turns out great and what does not, is because it was not for us and it is better to change course by accepting things.

Believe in yourself, even if others don’t

This is the main key to living in a guilt-free way. Throughout life we ​​will encounter all kinds of situations, sometimes they will love us, they will flatter us, but other times we will be disliked and ignored. Then it is in these situations where we must believe in ourselves even if others do not.

So let’s thank both those people who accept us as we are, and those who did not. Since they helped us do the exercise of believing in ourselves even though others don’t, and thanks to that, we can grow and learn that not everyone can like us. but yes to the most important person: yourself.

If you take it personally, work on self-knowledge

Identify in which situations you feel this happens most often, What are the topics about which you are most sensitive and what are your usual reactions?. This will help you anticipate, have more assertive responses and react more calmly.

Strengthen your self-esteem

As we already mentioned, A positive assessment of yourself will also help you assess others more objectively and kindly.. Therefore, it is essential that you dedicate yourself to strengthening your self-esteem. To do this, we invite you to make a list of your strengths, to recognize each achievement no matter how small, to be more compassionate with yourself and encourage a more positive internal dialogue.

Practice empathy

Many times we take things personally because we interpret them as a provocation from others towards us. Maybe, trying to understand other people’s motivations for their actions it will be easier for us to let go of these self-referential ideas and accept that the world does not revolve around us.

Final thoughts

The story goes that one day Buddha’s disciples asked him in great distress: “Master, people laugh at us and insult us, how is it possible that it doesn’t affect you?“. Buddha replied: “the insult comes from them but never reaches me“.

And it is that we, As much as it is sometimes difficult for us to accept it, we have the decision to choose how we relate to what happens in our environment.. Can they insult us? Yes, but we can choose not to take it personally and not stay with the insult. In this way, we will be freer and happier.

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