Discover what is hidden behind “inflated” self-esteem

“Pride is not greatness but swelling; and what is swollen seems big but is not healthy.” Saint Augustine (Bishop and philosopher).

A few days ago, I was waiting at a supermarket checkout and the client who was right in front of me started telling the cashier, for almost no reason and without knowing her at all, a lot of things about himselfhis successes, his virtues, how perfect he was… “I graduated with distinction, my daughter is doing a doctorate, I am currently a director in a company…”

The poor cashier looked at him and nodded. What was she going to do?but the man went on and on talking about himself in an exaggerated way, as if waiting for some recognition or approval from her.

It caught my attention and I thought, why would he have that need for recognition from someone he doesn’t even know? I don’t doubt that the man had all that in his life and he is wonderful, but why such a need to highlight it and let everyone know about it?

Although a priori Let’s think that this man has a high and healthy self-esteem because it seems that that is what he wants us to see, the reality is that this It’s not exactly like thatif not rather, quite the opposite.

People with high and optimal self-esteem feel secure in themselves and that security comes from within themselves. and it is not dependent on the outside, nor on achievements, nor on success, nor on the physique. It is true that these things influence, but they do not determine self-esteem in any way.

Therefore, Someone who is continually seeking praise and appreciation from others is demonstrating that he himself lacks it.so he probably doesn’t like himself or how his life is, but far from recognizing it and getting started to change, he hides it, disguises himself and tells everyone how wonderful he and everything is. what surrounds him, and in this way, with this false recognition, he feels safe in the short term… The possibility of rejection would be terrible!

The problem is that Although it is easy to deceive others and make them believe that we are who we really are not, it is not so easy to deceive ourselves.

Inflated self-esteem arises in childhood. The child who has not received adequate approval, admiration or love from his or her environment will perceive himself as a being lacking value, which is why he will develop low self-esteem.

Once the child is an adult, they can choose two different paths: either demand love and approval from others while being submissive to requests, dependent, not knowing how to say no to anything and lacking assertiveness due to fear of rejection. Or exaggerate their identity and self-confidence by being vain and narcissistic. and in this way protect themselves from the possibility of someone hurting them or telling them that they have failed or failed at something.

Deep down, they are people who are very afraid of rejection and failure, as well as not being approved and recognized by everyone. His attitude is like camouflage.

Since these people are not able to recognize their mistakes, they will not be able to recognize that they have a self-esteem problem and that if they want, they can get help. Therefore, Helping them becomes a complicated task since the first step to change is recognizing that something is wrong.

The problem then continues over the years since With their disguise, they never expose themselves to a negative opinion from others or to no one pointing out a mistake or not recognizing them. and if someone did it, their attitude would be so hostile and aggressive that would cause no one else to tell them anything and thus save their self-esteem momentarily, even if deep down they were dying of pain. Needless to say, the social relationships of these people are very toxic since others will tend to distance themselves, which will further reinforce the low self-esteem of these people.

Unfortunately, reality is what it is and whether we like it or not There will always be someone who rejects us, doesn’t like us, or doesn’t find us attractive.. The sooner we begin to internalize and accept this reality, the sooner we will learn that self-love begins with ourselves and not with the evaluations of others, which we cannot control in any way.

Therefore:

– Start by recognizing that you are human and that you have the right to fail and make mistakes.

– Ask for help when you need it because no one is 100% competent in every way.

– Recognize that no one is born knowing and that we all need to practice to learn.

– You are not the best, there will always be someone better than you. If you want to be better, work and fight for your goals in a healthy way, without comparing yourself and without disqualifying others.

– You are a unique and unrepeatable being and valuable just for existing and for being who you are, you do not need others to remind you of it every day. You already know who you are, start loving yourself more and being free and less dependent.

– You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You are not the center of the universe, people are busy with their own business. Cultivate your own inner self and love and respect for yourself. If you love yourself, show confidence and humility, others will begin to admire you and love you too.