Disappointing speaks well of you and your self-esteem

The verb “disappoint” sounds bad to us, since it usually carries a negative connotation. How it hurts when someone tells us: “You have disappointed me”!

At that moment, we began to question ourselves: “what have I done wrong?“, “I am a bad person?“, “bad son?“, “bad couple?“. We take it as an absolute truth: “if I have disappointed him, I will have done something horrible and he will be right.” And that’s where An emotion appears that generates a lot of discomfort: guilt.

So today I would like give a twist to the concept “disappointment”, so you can see it from another point of view. Let’s dig deeper.

The desire to please others

We live in a society that often transmits to us the irrational idea that we should always look good to others. We are terrified of disappointing. However, we do ourselves a lot of harm with this thought because it makes us Our main focus is the needs of others, ours coming in last place and that directly affects our self-esteem. Now, how does it influence us?

Trying to meet everyone’s expectations so as not to disappoint them means that we are leaving ourselves aside, that we do not listen to each other and that we do not pay attention to each other. It means that we try to please the outside, instead of our inside. Furthermore, this situation generates a great waste of energy, since It is practically impossible for everyone to agree with us, so frustration is guaranteed.

Behind this continuous frustration of not reaching the goal of pleasing everyone, An emotional void is generated in us and, little by little, we stop loving ourselves. and we abandon ourselves. We cannot allow this.

You are your priority

Loving ourselves is meeting our expectations and needs, regardless of whether they coincide with those of others. It’s a matter of priorities and the priority is you.

“First me and then the rest of the world” burn that message in your mind. Thus, you will be able to break with that irrational idea that we mentioned at the beginning. Creating much healthier thinking will positively affect your personal security. For example, another belief that can help you is: “I must not be disappointed“.

If you think, feel and act coherently, without being influenced by the possible questioning of others, You will be happier because you will be doing what you really need, in addition to being honest with yourself. If, on the other hand, you think and feel in one way and act based on what another person asks of you so as not to disappoint them, you contradict yourself.

A simple day-to-day example can help you understand:

Imagine that a friend suggests that you go to the cinema to see a horror movie. Your thought tells you “I don’t like that kind of movie” and on an emotional level you feel fear and anguish with those types of movies, however you finally decide to go see the movie with him. What happen?

If you decide to go, you are not acting in coherence with what you think and feel to meet your friend’s needs and also You expose yourself to a situation of discomfort while you betray yourself.

This also happens to us with other situations in daily life. What happens is that If we operate with this general trend, we end up not managing our own life, allowing others to make decisions for us. So, how would you act in the above situation if you were consistent with yourself?

Very easy. When your friend made you the proposal to go to the cinema to see the horror movie, you would think and feel the same, but you would change your way of acting. For example, you would tell him that you don’t want to go see the horror movie, but you would suggest watching another one, since he can go with another person who doesn’t have a bad time to see that type of movie.

An important aspect that we cannot forget is that We cannot control what others think, nor can their expectations. since these depend on each person’s history. Therefore, it is very easy to disappoint, since we have had different experiences and have a different way of seeing the world.

The really important thing is that you don’t disappoint yourself. Thus, disappointing others speaks well of you and your self-esteem because you are committed to your desires and needs. Because you don’t forget about yourself, but you are number one on your priority list.

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