Couples who stay together for their children, a mistake

There are many couples who stay together for their children.. In their minds, the outdated idea still prevails that good parents are those who are equally present in the daily lives of children. Regardless of whether the atmosphere only breathes resentment, frustration and bad words. Without thinking that their decisions contradict each other and that the little ones are witnesses of a continued pitched battle.

In these people the idea persists that in any good traditional family it is best for the little ones to grow up with both parents in the same home, whatever their circumstances. Because the children come first and for them any effort is justified. As we can well imagine The mere presence of two people who no longer love each other always has a serious impact on the child’s brain..

There are many experts who remind us something about this situation. The bad habits, aggressive behaviors and negative emotions seen in these environments directly shape children. Tomorrow It is very likely that they integrate those poor skills in terms of emotional relationships and parenting.

Couples who stay together for their children: why is it not the best thing to do?

When love disintegrates and affection falls to pieces, ashes rarely rekindle a relationship. The most consequential thing in these cases is to leave that person behind and restart our lives separately. Everyone will undoubtedly agree on this. All, except some couples with children who choose to endure a little longer for the latter.

It is true that every separation or divorce affects the little ones. It is also evident that for a time they will suffer to see how their habits change and of course their own life by having to divide it with both parents separately. Now, as striking as it may seem to us, There are dimensions much more harmful to the psychological well-being of a child than separation from parents.

It is important to consider what extremes continuing to maintain a relationship can lead to when there is no longer affection or affection. Sharing the same roof and having to see a person you no longer love every day makes infidelity appear.. In the most extreme cases, bad words and even psychological abuse will appear. All of this has serious consequences.

What effects can parents staying together have on their children?

Couples who stay together for their children are not always aware of the effects this can have on the little ones. Although the phenomenology associated with these events is diverse, on average we can appreciate the following realities:

Inattention. Sometimes, parents are more aware of their own disagreements and at some point they may neglect their children.Educational contradictions. When there is no harmony in a couple, it is common for contradictory orders to be given and for each person to decide one thing in raising children. As coexistence disintegrates and becomes more difficult, it is very likely that greater anxiety will appear, discomfort, feelings of anguish and despair… An unhappy father or mother with an affected mental state cannot carry out their parenting and education tasks with the same sensitivity and quality.Projection of guilt on children. If a couple who does not love each other stays in the same home because of the children, it is very likely that at some point, when coexistence deteriorates, they will see the children as guilty of that situation.Likewise, a family climate defined by reproaches, Arguments, shouting, disaffection and even contempt end up affecting the child’s brain. Growing up in an unhappy environment always leaves consequences.

Living separately is difficult, but it is the best for children when there is no affection

The times change. In the generation of our grandparents—or even our parents—it was common to endure the unspeakable in a relationship before breaking it off. Nowadays, breakups, separations and divorces are much more common. Despite this, there are still couples who stay together because of their children.

The existing scientific literature is clear. Studies such as those carried out at the Universities of Los Angeles, Chicago and Princeton tell us that all social discourses aimed at promoting relational stability at all costs for the psychological well-being of children are wrong. Growing up in a home where parents do not love each other is counterproductive.

The most decisive thing in all cases is to help the children go through this change. While it is true that every separation is painful and that each situation is unique and particular, We must facilitate children or adolescents to appropriately manage their emotions, attitudes, and thoughts.

How to help children deal with that breakup in the relationship?

If there is something that fathers and mothers should understand, it is that although it is true that every separation or divorce focuses us on our own pain from that event, we cannot neglect our children.

It is important to ensure that they feel safe and loved at all times.We must explain the truth of the situation to them. Sincerity is key. Let’s try not to look for blame. Let’s avoid putting the children against the other spouse or partner.Let’s facilitate dialogue, answer all their questions and help them deal with their emotions. Let’s ensure that they always have clear routines.

To conclude, despite the hardness and complexity of these situations, the truth is that if we handle all these points well, parents and children find stability after months. Committing ourselves to the well-being of the little ones is the most decisive thing.

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