Comparisons are detrimental to personal growth

Comparisons are harmful. Every human being has their virtues and defects, some of us shine in some things and others in others. We should never compare ourselves to anyone because we are unique and unrepeatable, and the only thing we would achieve would be to damage our security and self-esteem.

Would you compare a bird to a fish? It would be wrong because they are two different species, and if we valued them for the ability to fly, clearly the bird would be better, but if we compared them for the ability to be underwater, the fish would be victorious.

Nor can we compare ourselves with those who, apparently, are doing better than us. People’s circumstances are different in each case. No, we are not all the same.

In this case, it is easy to realize that comparing does not make any sense because each one has their potential in their own facet. But with people, we often do the same thing and We do not realize that each human being is different and comparing them is not accurate at all.

One may be better at public speaking and another may be a computer whiz. Therefore, depending on which facet we focus on, one person will seem better to us than another. But these comparisons are meaningless, since each person has a unique and unrepeatable value.

When it is others who compare us

There is another problem that many people encounter. Sometimes, it is not themselves who will compare themselves with others, but it is someone around them. I have met countless times people who complain that their family compares them to someone.

An illuminating example

I remember the case of a girl, let’s call her Ana. She said that her parents pressured her, they told her that she had to be like her friendly neighbor, open and pleasant to everyone. For that reason, she felt that she was not valid, that she was worse than others. She was already of age, but it was difficult for her to realize that other people’s opinions should not harm her safety.

What others think, even family, is not valid, because they lack the necessary knowledge to see things from a rational and true point of view. There are open, sociable people, others are less so, but they are all necessary. Complementing yourself is nice.

I remember Ana, with insecurity and affected by the pressure she received from her parents, who told me that Despite the continuous comparisons he received, he did not hate his neighbor. She became friends with her and that’s when she realized that no one is worse than anyone else.

She told me that speaking between confessions, her neighbor He told her that he felt discomfort within himself, that he envied her. enormously for being thoughtful, calm, focused and above all with the ability to be fine without a partner.

Ana couldn’t believe she felt envied, she told her that despite having those virtues that she recognized, she was a closed, dry and unsociable girl and that she would like to be like her in being nice, since more doors would open for her. They both showed flaws, both personalities had their good and bad sides.. Ana was not worse for not being easy to socialize, it was just a weak point that she had, but by working on it she could improve.

Comparisons are unfair

Ana could see that Despite the appearance of success and happiness that her neighbor gave, she did not feel good about herself., he could see the defects that he had hidden in the deepest part of his being. Her façade was just a few traits of virtue, but she also had her insecurities, and she needed that exaggerated friendliness that she gave off to receive the approval of others.

In the end, Ana came to the conclusion that although her great strength was not sociability or friendliness, she had great virtues.that her parents were very wrong in pressuring her to be like their neighbor because they didn’t really know her, they only saw the superficial, but no one knows what one carries inside.

In reality, the facade we give to others is the least important thing. It matters more how we feel inside. If one feels good, he does not have to be as others want him to be.

Comparisons and personal growth

Many parents, teachers and business leaders resort to comparisons between their children, students and employees in order to motivate the personal development of the latter. But, just as it happened with Ana and her neighbor, This practice only creates insecurities, envy, jealousy and other negative emotions that paralyze and demotivate..

If we want to help a person improve themselves, or motivate ourselves to develop personally, We must be aware that human beings are diverse; that we have particular learning and development processes; peculiar vocations and abilities, and a variety of characteristics that make us unique.

Therefore, The goal is not to be a copy of the other and surpass them., but to facilitate the personal development of each of us through authenticity and self-worth. But how to do it? Next, we tell you.

Keys to facilitate the personal development process

The following strategies are used to help another person improve themselves or ourselves.

Identify skills and vocations

Explore what the skills, aptitudes, goals and aspirations of the person, or yourself, are. And once recognized, let him know, or be aware, how particular skills and current performance become a path to achieving personal purpose.

For example, if your child is good at drawing and is passionate about art, why compare him with the neighbor who studied medicine and pressure him to study that career? Everyone has their own aspirations and abilities, and it is best to enhance the latter so that they can achieve the former.

Check resources

For their part, there are people who want to achieve a certain goal, but cannot. That is to say, They have the desire and motivation but lack the resources to achieve the goal. These resources can be cognitive, material, technological, temporal, etc.

The ideal, in these cases, is know what are the reasons that prevent the individual from achieving their goal and help overcome them, to the extent possible. What you should not do is blame the person, or yourself, for not having reached your goal.

For example, if an employee is behind on some tasks, before blaming and comparing them with the rest of the team, it is best to find out what obstacles they have encountered along the way and support them to the extent possible.

Examine the motivations

On the other hand, there are people who can but don’t want to. This means that They have the resources, but they lack enthusiasm. The reasons can be diverse: fears, insecurities, low self-esteem, personal conflicts, etc.

In this case, The ideal would be to recognize what is hidden behind this apathy and attack the root problem.. In some cases, the help of a professional may be required so that the person can self-motivate.

To conclude, we emphasize that comparisons are harmful, Everyone is as they are and the most important thing is to have the ability to focus and exploit the good things we have.leaving aside the weak points, or in any case, working to improve them, if we so wish and not because no one tells us or demands it.

As the great judo master Jigoro Kano said back in the 19th century:

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