10 toxic patterns in the mother-daughter relationship

The bond we build with our mother is, perhaps, the most important throughout our lives. However, relationships between mothers and daughters are not always positive and constructive; In fact, in many cases, certain traits may appear that reveal the existence of toxic patterns.

The appearance of this type of behavior can affect the security and self-esteem of daughters and leave deep consequences on self-concept.. In this article we are going to explore ten toxic patterns in the mother-daughter relationship, seeking to identify their main characteristics and some tips to restore the bond or, at least, heal the wounds and forgive.

Of course, All interactions between mother and daughter are different and conflicts between them are, in general, normal. However, the presence of the following patterns in the relationship and the exaggerated prevalence of one or more of them can be a warning bell that invites us to review the relationship that, as daughters, we have built with our mother and seek to heal it and direct it. to mutual well-being.

1. Disregard

A first trait has to do with disdaining or detracting from everything done by the daughter.. Mothers who resort to this behavior often make their daughters feel insignificant, making them constantly doubt their own abilities.

This, in turn, can give daughters the belief that nothing they do will be enough to satisfy their mothers, undertaking a fruitless search for love and recognition.

2. Narcissism

Secondly, and deeply linked to the previous trait, narcissistic mothers can also generate toxic patterns in their relationships with their daughters.

On the one hand, this type of mother can see the daughter as a projection of herself, as an extension of her own life, which It can cause them to undermine the identity of their daughters and prevent their inner development. In the attempt to make their daughters an ideal version of themselves, they can cause deep damage to their self-esteem.

On the other hand, the relationship will be mother-centered, that is, They will tend to ignore the daughter’s emotions and seek to be the center of attention.

3. Competitive mothers

In addition to the above, another problematic feature in the relationship between mother and daughter is the presence of feelings of jealousy and envy on the part of mothers towards their daughters. This generates competitive behaviors that can affect the daughters’ self-confidence.

They are mothers who perceive their daughters as a threat or as a rival to defeat, which is why They may take actions such as sabotaging them in their relationships or work and belittling them in public..

4. Invasive mothers

Besides, Invasive and disrespectful mothers also tend to create a toxic bond with their daughters.. Behaviors such as reading your personal diary and invading your privacy would be examples of this trait. In these types of cases, trust and respect between the two parties is usually affected.

5. Being too controlling

Another toxic pattern appears when the mother is too controlling, having serious difficulties in recognizing the validity of her daughters as autonomous and free people.

With the excuse of worrying about them and doing everything “for their good”, They are mothers who do not allow their daughters to make decisions or reaffirm themselves as individuals. This ends up translating into a lack of confidence in the daughter’s judgment, which in the long term can generate insecurity and loss of self-confidence.

6. Ambivalent bond

Additionally, mothers who generate ambivalent and ambiguous bonds with their daughters can also cause negative effects on the relationship. We are talking about mothers who tend to be passive-aggressive in their communication and who some days are loving and considerate and other days they are indifferent or cruel. This type of treatment generates uncertainty and emotional instability in their daughters.

7. Emotional distance

Another form of toxic bond between mother and daughter occurs when mothers do not show feelings or signs of affection towards their daughters. That is, there is no physical contact such as caresses or hugs and there are even no affectionate words or explicit manifestation of love.

This causes an emotional disconnection that can trigger consequences in adult life.as an inability to connect emotionally with other people or, on the contrary, excessive emotional dependence.

8. Dependent mothers

Also A negative bond can be generated when mothers are excessively dependent on their daughters. In these cases, it is the daughters who become the mother’s own caregivers, even from a very early age.

This erodes the relationship between mother and daughter, since The roles are reversed and an overload is generated in the daughter in relation to care tasks. The phenomenon usually occurs especially in young mothers with many children and an older daughter.

9. Emotional blackmail

Another form of dependence is emotional, which can also become a harmful feature of the relationship between mothers and daughters.

In this type of situation, mothers consider their daughters absolutely responsible for their happiness and sadness. There is constant reproach and manipulation, and they even often mention how they had to sacrifice their youth and dreams for motherhood.

10. Authoritarian mothers

Finally, Overly authoritarian mothers also create an unhealthy relationship with their daughters. For example, when they express a strong fixation on traditional gender roles and expect their daughters to maintain the submissive attitude historically attributed to women. Or also when they exhibit intransigent or violent behavior when they feel unauthorized or disobeyed.

This type of relationship means that daughters can grow up with a relationship of submission or rebellion towards authority figures.

How to restore the bond between mother and daughter?

Finally, Don’t forget that no mother is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Even so, it is important to identify these types of toxic patterns to repair the bond and avoid repeating them in the relationship with our daughters.

Understanding that we are now adults and that we can set limits on the relationship with our mother is a fundamental step to heal the relationship. In addition to this, it is also necessary to overcome childhood submission and reaffirm our autonomy to have a more affectionate bond, based on mutual care and respect.

Finally, and taking into account the particular history of each one, andIt may be necessary to seek professional help for both of them and thus little by little rebuild the mother and daughter relationship.

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