Can abusers change?

Can abusers change? Can a person who has been using violence as a form of language and an instrument of power demonstrate some type of change? Since the first attempts to address the social scourge of intimate partner violence, abuse and mistreatment in any of its forms began in the 1980s, the progress achieved is notable, but insufficient.

The first thing we can think about this issue is that “no”, an abuser rarely changes. and that the only thing that can be done in these circumstances is to put distance. Now, assuming this idea means little more than abandoning all attempts to rehabilitate and reeducate those who do not see aggression as a problem, those who exercise it normally to dominate their partner.

Figures from the World Health Organization (WHO) tell us that 1 in 3 women has suffered physical or sexual violence from a man at some point in their lives.. It is evident that something is wrong in society. We need a coordinated community response at all levels, especially in education. And the issue could not be more urgent.

According to data from the Foundation for Children and Adolescents at Risk (ANAR), gender violence in adolescents has increased by 24% in recent years. Young people are unable to identify that they suffer gender violence and, in many cases, they justify the aggressor’s behavior.. They, for their part, continue to use a model of inequality from which they understand that they have power only because they are men.

Intervention programs for abuse and gender violence are more relevant than ever.

Can abusers change? Only a small part does

To the question of whether abusers can change The response today is not very hopeful: only a small part does. Intervention programs for aggressors who commit gender violence are the only strategy for change to occur and, on average, an abuser will only reach it by order of a judge.

It is very difficult, therefore, for someone to seek help on their own, because at a general level one does not see their behavior as a problem. The problem lies with others and in this case the woman. In the mind of those who are accustomed to using violence, there are only justifications for each act committed.

Let’s dig a little deeper.

The two spheres that perpetuate abuse and gender violence

There are two realities that, today, continue to perpetuate abuse in society: tolerance towards violence and male-female inequality.. As striking as it may seem to us, in the minds of many people there are many behaviors that are not interpreted as violent acts: denigrate, insult, control, react with anger…

That virus is still integrated into society, capable of understanding that if a man becomes jealous it is because he loves his partner.. Even more, the fact that he is the one who imposes his decisions in the relationship is expected. We continue to reinforce the role based on inequality unconsciously and invisibly. And the responsibility to change this belongs to everyone, both men and women.

Likewise, we could also think that a large part of the people who abuse suffer some psychological disorder. Well, research works such as the one carried out by Enrique Echeburúa from the University of the Basque Country (Spain) affirm that Those who use violence in a relationship do not always suffer from a mental problem.

In most cases, the problem lies in the educational factors and those previously mentioned.

What facts must occur for an abuser to change?

Lundy Bancroft is an expert on abuse, violent behavior and child maltreatment. In books like Understanding the mind of the aggressive and controlling man It shows us what are the keys that we must take into account about the change in an abuser.

An abuser will never change just because his partner asks him to.The change only appears when they assume 100% of their actions, which implies assuming that the woman (victim) is not to blame for anything. Couples therapy is not useful in these cases. An abuser will only exert change through a specific program for abusers. So, The only way to access these programs is by court order, after committing a violent act. Abusers are more motivated to change when they have lost two to three relationships due to abuse.Intervention programs for abusive people must last between six and 24 months to have success.

What aspects must be worked on in the programs for change to occur?

When asked if abusers can change, we have an obvious piece of information: The only possibility for them to do so is by going through a specialized program. Now, these rehabilitation programs still do not have the significance they would need: there is a lack of resources and in most cases they are limited to one or two weekly sessions, which is why it is difficult to change anything.

Progress is slow and abandonments abound. However, let’s see what areas are usually worked on:

Program to improve empathy and emotional literacy.Correct distorted ideas about the role of women.Anger management. Emotion control: anxiety and stress.Control of pathological jealousy.Deficits in assertiveness and communication. Strategies to solve problems.Education about sexuality in couples.

Really… can abusers change?

At this point the question remains on the table: can abusers change? The answer is not simple for the following reasons:

An abuser, on average, is not perceived as such. What’s more, in rehabilitation therapies many of these patients continue to justify their actions and find reasons why they did what they did (he treated me badly, he didn’t pay attention to me, etc.).The therapies are part of a court order or penitentiary institution programs. There are those who end up abandoning it early or who simply do not make any progress.

Nevertheless, It should be noted that a small part of these people do show progress and become aware of their behavior.. In these cases, it is assumed and understood that there are new alternatives to masculinity and that old models must be reformulated. That is therefore the real key and the cornerstone on which we should work in a coordinated manner throughout society.

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