Brunnhilde complex: the idealization of the loved one

What do we mean when we talk about Brunhilda complex? Where does her name come from? But, before starting to delve into the Brunhilda complex, what is meant by complex? In psychology, complexes refer to the set of unconscious feelings, acquired by experiences during childhood and that condition our personality.

Jung was the first to use the word “complex” within the framework of psychoanalysis. To name them, historical figures, cartoons, mythological figures or protagonists of literary or biblical works are usually used. To name some of them: the Peter Pan complex, Münchhausen, Electra, Agrippina, Oedipus, Bovary or Cain.

From one of these names, Brunhilda, another reference to a complex is born. In this space we are going to get to know it in depth, starting with the fictitious figure. Will you join us on this journey?

Who was Brunnhilde?

The Brunnhilde complex is based on the story of one of the best-known Valkyries in Norse mythology.

Brunnhilde is an important figure in Norse mythology.. It is a Valkyrie, virgin demigoddesses armed with breastplate, shield and helmet. They are warriors and are endowed with exceptional strength, which is why they fought alongside warriors in battle. When they died, they guided them to Valhalla.

The name Valkyrie, translated literally, means “those who choose the fallen.”. Despite the terrifying and fierce appearance that is given to them, they also stand out for their physical beauty and intelligence. They themselves participate in the fights and obey Odin’s orders, giving victory to those the god desires.

Brunnhilde disobeyed Odin by killing one of his best warriors without his consent.. After this act, Odin banishes Brunnhilde and induces her into a deep sleep. In it, she finds herself in a burning castle guarded by a dragon and she can only be saved by a hero capable of entering the fortress and kissing her.

The story of Siegfried and Brunnhilde

Siegfried, hero of Germanic mythology, went to rescue Brunnhilde from her curse. He killed the dragon guarding the castle with Odin’s sword, the magical cloak of invisibility and the ring that gave him power over the world and allowed him to adapt the shape of his body to his wishes.

However, Valkyries only marry a man who surpasses them in certain physical tests. Siegfried, knowing this, had previously prepared for it and managed to overcome them, thus obtaining the promise of marriage.

However, Siegfried was wearing Odin’s ring of power, which lost its effect and transformed him into another person, Günther, just before kissing her.. This alter ego He did not have the physical qualities to marry Brunhilda, so she ended up finding out about the deception. At that moment, she demanded that Odin kill Siegfried.

The story of Siegfried and Brunnhilde typifies the basis of this psychological complex.

The Brunhilda complex, what is it about?

The Brunnhilde complex is an unconscious complex that appears when, in a relationship, the woman, immersed in deep love, extremely praises her male partner, in such a way that he is considered by her as a “superman”, a “superhero” or as an extraordinary being of another planet. As a consequence, these women throw themselves completely into the relationship, sometimes in an excessive way.

After a while, this “superhero” becomes a villain in the eyes of the woman with the Brunnhilde complex.. Thus, he begins to see the flaws in his partner and realize that he was not as perfect as he thought at the beginning of the relationship.

Normally, when starting a relationship, we suffer a very radical attentional bias towards the positive. As we have seen, the Brunhilda complex goes further. We can see that the expectations and dreams that women have are quite high..

Consequences of the Brunnhilde complex

In addition to the subsequent deep disappointment on the part of the woman upon discovering these defects, there is usually a desire to change the other person. By operating on the idea that one has of her and not of that individual in the present reality, the efforts in the relationship end up being oriented towards transforming the other into what is desiredwhen the healthiest thing would be to find a balance in the relationship on the part of both members.

This, as you can imagine, rarely works. Both those people who decide to abandon the relationship and those who try to rescue it by transforming their partner back into a fictional hero end up at the same point: disappointed.

How is this complex identified?

In general, people who suffer from this complex tend to act in an exacerbated and hasty manner in the early stages of the relationship.. A practical example is those couples who begin to live together practically when they start dating.

It is normal to confuse it with a “blind love”, in which the person blatantly ignores their partner’s defects. It goes beyond finding qualities that others do not see, but rather these are exacerbated in the stage of falling in love. Idealization and unrealistic expectations are at the heart of this complex..

Therefore, when the relationship settles and the first problems to be resolved appear, the perception is reversed and an abrupt devaluation of the couple occurs. She is conceived as a liar, villain and bad person. As you can see, they are perceptions without a gray scale and that also affect the treatment given to others..

Is there a way to overcome the Brunnhilde complex?

The first thing you should know is that the Brunnhilde complex is not classified as a disorder., but rather it is a set of perceptions, expectations and erroneous interpretations of reality. These distortions lead to considerable psychological distress, as well as problems maintaining stable relationships.

Since these are unconscious mental processes, the person will not be able to recognize where the problem is. Therefore, the treatment of choice would be conversational and couple treatment. In this way, the person suffering from the complex is helped to:

Interpret reality in a more adjusted way. Adjust expectations in a new relationship. Explore the roots of the complex and resolve them. Acquire social skills that allow you to face disappointment and solve problems in the couple without losing security in the stability of the relationship. .Establish conscious and clear ideas about the type of relationship desired and with what characteristics. Learn to work with uncertainty and tolerate the defects of others. Establish effective and positive communication between members of the couple.

In any case, if you have any problem when it comes to relationships, it is best to go to a psychology specialist.. It is not necessary to have a disorder to seek therapeutic help, since we all have the right to build healthy relationships. And you, did you know this complex?

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