Boundless Aunt: How the Mother Should Cope

In addition to grandmothers, who tend to be a great support, today mothers have sisters, sisters-in-law and friends, always close by to help take care of the baby. They are women who chose to leave motherhood for later or chose not to have children and direct their maternal instinct towards their nephews.

If your child has a doting aunt, you know how she really participates. She bathes, changes diapers and, if necessary, even takes her to the doctor. “And not only you, as a mother, but also the aunt can reap joy from this shared experience”, says psychotherapist Lúcia Rosenberg, author of the book Cordão Mágico – Stories of Mother and Children (Office of Words).

On the other hand, it can happen that she exaggerates in pampering, subverting certain rules of education that you want to pass on to the little one… Find out the right way to act at these times without affecting the relationship.

It’s nicer with her

As she does not have the responsibility of educating, the aunt ends up allowing certain perks that do not always exist at home. If you get really mad when that happens, it’s time to come to terms with her. “Mothers cannot be so strict nor aunts so abused, transgressive. Ideally, there should be a fine adjustment between you to better guide the child’s education”, teaches Lúcia.

Ask the aunt to respect your house rules. Did she slip up and release the ice cream before lunch? Ask her to, at the very least, make her child brush her teeth and remove the other sweets from the scene that day – what she cannot do is let you stay in the position of the evil witch in the story. “Messages that make the little one think: ‘My mother is bad and my aunt is good’ do not help at all in the education of the baby”warns the psychotherapist.

Of course, a little mess here and there with the aunt is perfectly natural and healthy. The recommendation that Ariane receives from her sister, Rafael’s mother, is that, when she is with the boy, keep to the schedule (biscuits, fruit, nap…) and his eating habits (no soft drinks or sweets…).

The godmother tries to respect everything, but confesses to some mistakes: “He tried chocolate and even learned to use silly curse words with me. My sister would get angry, but she knows I don’t get to commit excesses. I don’t break with the limits set by her, and maybe that’s why Rafinha obeys me a lot”, she argues.

When pampering is too much…

It can also happen that the mother thinks that the aunt does not have the right to give precisely the gifts that she would like to buy. What to do in this case? The way is to ask, with delicacy, that the “mother” contain the impulse to buy everything and a little more.

Explain that you want to have the pleasure of organizing your son’s party or choosing outfits for him to wear. Try not to talk in a moment of anger, because, after all, she only acts like that because she loves her nephew – and not because she wants to compete with you.

The time to go home

If you know how to deal with excessive owls, you will see that the super aunt only has to add – and that she is not at all interested in assuming the role of mother. In fact, what she really wants is to give the best to her nephew and continue enjoying her life. The aunt has the opportunity to take care of someone else’s child with great love and pleasure, but she will not fail to take vacations, live abroad if it is interesting for her career, do whatever she wants.

You get the arduous but delicious experience of being a real mother and enjoying the intense connection with the baby. Not to mention the bonus of being able to leave him with his aunt when it’s time to catch a movie!