Being the black sheep is a privilege that allows you to look at life with different eyes

Being the black sheep of the family is not easy. We break the balance of the group and we are the “scapegoat” on which all the blame is projected. Now, if you feel identified with this situation, ask yourself the following question: Would you really like to be part of that flock where all the sheep are white?

People are part of social groups: families, friends, work environments… Thus, in some way, there is almost always an implicit norm: said belonging means having to make the same judgments, have the same values… etc. In fact, coincidence is often taken as an indicator of cohesion.

The black sheep is not bad, nor clumsy nor conceited. He is just different, someone who has learned to avoid the stones, to think differently, and who has always known which direction to take, not like the flock of white sheep.

In psychology, these people are usually known as “identified patients.”. If we do not adequately manage these situations, we will be the ones who show the symptoms of that dysfunctional family or that toxic scenario.

Do not let that happen. If you are singled out as the black sheep, learn to take pride in being able to think differently. It is quite a privilege…

The black sheep effect

Henri Tajfel was a social psychologist famous for coining the term “the black sheep effect.” An idea with which, without a doubt, we can identify, whether at a family level or in any other social context:

Ingroup favoritism explains that the judgments made towards other groups are, in general, negative because they seek to protect what is their own, what defines us, what identifies us (my soccer team is the best, my class is the smartest, my family is the happiest…)Now, at the same time, it is common for there to be high demands on the members of the group itself. As an example: Our father can criticize our neighbors and how others raise their children. However, with us he is severe and demanding because he hopes that this internal balance is not broken.

Read Also: Romanticizing your life: what it means and why you should try it

The black sheep effect tells us that more criticism and psychological pressure is placed on members of one’s own group than on those around us.. Belonging to a social context, in some cases, goes hand in hand with dominance and control.

The moment we say “no” or “that doesn’t define me” they look at us with concern and fear because we have crossed the border of what is acceptable, what is healthy and virtuous.

When being the black sheep is a privilege

When you assume that you are the black sheep of the family you have two options: sink or react. Whether we believe it or not, there are many people who, due to a very fragile identity, accept emotional abuse, criticism and contempt.

The person labeled as bad or different from the rest of the members of a family takes on its own skin the metaphor of a harmful and dysfunctional atmosphere. However, the rest of the family members are in a comfortable situation because they feel exempt from all responsibility: there is a status quo where everyone has their role.

To avoid these extreme situations in which our self-esteem is so violated, it is worth reflecting on these dimensions:

Being different can be a threat to others, but not to you.

The moment you show another way of thinking, dressing and living to others They will begin to label themselves as “the black sheep,” because they are aware that they are losing control over us.

It is clear that in every social group, in every family, there is some member more problematic than others. However, it is common to apply a single thought to any behavior that goes beyond the limits of what is expected. Understand that one is not born being the black sheep, in reality it is the social environment itself that converts us because we dare to react to themand that in itself is an act of bravery.

Belonging to a “herd” does not bring happiness: find your own path

In many cases, being the black sheep can be a privilege. Now, to reach this discovery we have to free ourselves from many layers:

Read Also: 10 practical couples therapy exercises that you can also apply

First layer: you have no obligation to be like your parents, to think like your friends, to act as others expect you to. Second layer: feel good about having your own values, about raising your voice above the rest of the group. The world is full of multiple thoughts, opinions and judgments. There is no universal truth and each person must be able to make it themselves.Third layer: accept others without hatred or resentment and accept yourself as a different part of them. Visualize that separation as a form of liberation. You accept your family for who they are, and if they act with the same wisdom, they will do the same.