Becoming cold: a way to harden your character and take care of your emotional well-being

In the end, almost without knowing how, that day comes when you become cold. The heart hardens and admits less ambiguity, it becomes cautious and less excited about certain things. However, those around us do not fully understand this change. That’s when the “magic” happens: others begin to value the person you were before.

Whoever says that people don’t change is wrong. Human beings do not vary their behaviors or personality style from one day to the next like someone who snaps their fingers. The process of change is something more intimate, slow and even stark, because more than changing, we grow. Something like this can only be achieved by becoming fully aware of our limitations and black holes.

In this our complex journey through life, becoming cold is by no means a defeat. It is a simple defense mechanism. Because existence does not only mean dealing with the complications of everyday life, it is essential that we are able to build our own survival processes.

We suggest you reflect on it with us.

The cold heart and the absence of the little things

Jeffrey Kottler is one of the best-known popularizers of the psychology of the change process.. With books like “ Change: what really leads to lasting personal transformation” teaches us something essential. Is the next:

People change out of necessity and to survive more effectively.

Now, there is one detail that is still really interesting. For example, when we go a while without seeing a person and when we meet again, we may perceive something different. Given this change in his attitude, we ask ourselves: “But what happened to him?”

As Dr. Kottler tells us, People do not make major transformations from one day to the next. Nor is it necessary for us to experience specific events of great impact to change.The rumor of everyday life is enough for us, the everyday life of small disappointments, of words said or unsaid, of absences, of continued resignations and of giving everything without receiving anything.

They are small specks of sand that little by little create authentic emotional deserts, in turn promoting a change with a clear need: start prioritizing yourself to survive. Thus, and as curious as it may seem to us, this is actually a completely normal process.

Studies such as the one carried out at Colgate University, Hamilton, New York, indicate that Within the development of personality, changes are not only expected, but necessary. It is a way of adjusting to our authentic personality.

Defend ourselves from the selfishness that stalks us

The cold heart is the mind that has grown tired of waiting. It is our self-esteem sounding the alarm and our self-concept going out through the emergency door in search of a solution. Being a little colder is the temporary response to life’s dissonances. It is putting red lines so that self-love can germinate again.

Now, it is most likely that the people closest to us will notice this change and wonder what is happening and why. We are no longer those caring and manageable creatures we used to be.

It is also possible that, far from understanding this change, they feel upset at not finding that lock in our hearts where before, they opened all our doors to satisfy their selfishness. This transformation also allows us to delve into various aspects that we point out below.

Things the cold heart has learned

The person with a slightly colder heart -that not dead, nor barren nor extinguished- has understood that things can’t always be the way you want. You have to accept them as they are and act accordingly.

We also know that life is sometimes not fair and that people are not always loyal or respectful. From there, We should avoid focusing our existence on what others do or don’t do to validate ourselves.. Something like this implies sacrificing our self-love. Every disappointment experienced, every blackmail experienced and every emptiness stored has caused the “twittering” of negative thoughts to start up very often in our minds. Now, after having achieved calm and seen things from the window of a slightly colder heart, We understand that there are only two options: cling to our own negativity or disinfect it. We opted for the second.

Sometimes everything that fades and dies inside us suddenly brings us back to reality. A heart that is a little colder and more prudent looks at things with more temperance, to decide what stays and what goes from our lives, and believe it or not there is nothing wrong with that. Because to change is to grow and gain dignity.

A natural process through which light finally passes through our scars. And you… when do you become cold?

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