Autophobia, fear of oneself

For most of us, isolation produces some fear and even vertigo. Facing loneliness and looking at ourselves face to face is not usually easy. Now, we can cope with it if we are connected to ourselves. Nevertheless, There is an even more excruciating fear of loneliness or the experience of being alone known as autophobia. Each person may experience it differently; However, it is characterized by great discomfort when the sufferer is not in the company of others.

Although it is not one of the most common disorders, Autophobia affects all types of people. Regardless of age, gender or social context. More and more individuals have a great fear of not being accompanied. In this article we will discover what the main causes of this problem are and how to combat it.

Why does autophobia occur?

In a time when we spend more time isolated from others than ever, but at the same time, we feel “accompanied” -on a digital level-, The fear of being alone emerges as a problem that affects a large number of people. The questions are what is happening? Does being digitally connected unite us or just the opposite? Do we avoid our fears by being permanently connected?

It is increasingly difficult for us to be alone with ourselves. It’s as if we have an obligation to be constantly busy and if by chance we have nothing to do, we look for any type of activity. Anything to avoid thinking about how we feel and what we want to do. And, as a culture, we are afraid of ourselves.

We have received the message that loneliness is our great enemy, which is why we seek constant stimulation. And although this is true in almost all people, it becomes more intense in those who suffer from autophobia, since They experience great discomfort that, sometimes, leads to irrational and severe anxiety.

People who suffer from autophobia suffer from a strong feeling of anxiety at the prospect of being alone or having to carry out activities without a companion. Thus, the symptoms are similar to those of any type of phobia: pressure in the chest, difficulty breathing, irrational thoughts, sweating, fear of losing control… However, why does this problem appear? According to experts, there are two main causes:

Extreme need for external validation. Fear or hatred of oneself.

Let’s see each one of them.

1- Extreme need for external validation

The first cause of autophobia has to do with our condition as social animals. People We need to feel part of a group to some extent, as this gives us an identity and a purpose. Feeling part of a group is a necessary condition for our development as people. In fact, it is one of our main instincts.

This fear, according to research, would appear when we think that Confronting others could mean losing their approval, and we will do anything to gain acceptance. The problem is that we do not stop to think that, sometimes, it is important to express our disagreement, otherwise we lose our freedom and betray ourselves.

Those who suffer from autophobia think that spending an afternoon alone or not being accompanied is a clear indicator of social failure. However, this is nothing more than an irrational belief. Is practically impossible to be with people all the time.

2- Fear or self-hatred

The second cause of autophobia is less obvious, but it is behind much of the suffering caused by this disorder. For some people, being alone with your thoughts is a punishment. This is especially true for those who suffer from obsessions or who carry an overly critical past. However, it can happen to anyone.

And, as a culture, we have learned not to examine ourselves. We observe and label our thoughts, our desires and our emotions as if they were enemies. We try to feel good all the time and avoid what we don’t like. Discomfort and suffering make us uncomfortable. And we don’t realize that these also define us and help us grow on a personal level.

For these reasons, people with autophobia hate being alone, since Partly they don’t want to listen to everything their mind has to tell them. The biggest problem with this is an extreme obsession with keeping busy when they are not with others. To do this, they seek to distract themselves with any means at their disposal. Even with activities that don’t really satisfy them.

In principle there is no problem in wanting to do many things. The problem comes when an activity is done to avoid pain, rather than because it truly stimulates. In the end, this avoidance mechanism tends to create more discomfort in the long term…

How to combat autophobia

When you suffer from autophobia you actually experience deep discomfort with yourself., the result of non-acceptance. The pending task is to discover ourselves to love ourselves and treat ourselves with affection, otherwise we will depend on the approval of others.

As with any other type of phobia, our strategy is to avoid it, escape from the discomfort, the emptiness that we experience in the face of our non-recognition. If you experience strong anxiety and a feeling of blockage or paralysis, it is advisable to go to a psychologist. Techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy or ACT therapy can be very useful in combating this problem.

However, we can always do something to combat it. The following keys can help us.

Test our beliefs. Irrational thoughts about loneliness are very present in autophobia. Therefore, it is important to check what we are telling ourselves about being alone to test it. Questioning ourselves is usually a good exercise to banish fears and worries.Do some solo activities. Typically, when we face a fear, it loses much of its power over us. You can start with small activities until, little by little, we feel more comfortable.Identify and recognize our strengths and weaknesses. Knowing ourselves implies the valuable task of knowing what our strengths are, but also our vulnerabilities. Checking ourselves and recognizing everything we are is important to accompany us.

As we see, Self-love is the best antidote to autophobia. Appreciating ourselves is the support of our emotional health, a strong foundation to which we can hold on to achieve well-being.

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