Are you being too demanding with your partner?

Relationships are complex, and almost all of them go through moments in which the balance is threatened or the union is compromised.. We are talking about two people in constant change, reaching points that may be difficult to be compatible, generating a lack of understanding that translates into discomfort and, ultimately, a rethinking of the relationship.

We may even wonder if we have become too demanding with our partner or if we are, taking into account that circumstances have changed. For example, if in a week you have an exam for an opposition that you have been preparing for months, it will be difficult for us to be the element to which you pay the most attention at this moment.

How to know if you are being too demanding with your partner

We all have expectations regarding others, and in that group of others there is also our partner. This, like the rest of the people around us, will comply with some, and not with others. Let’s remember that expectations are, by default, thoughts that we generate.

We talk about expectations because they have a lot to do with what we usually ask of others. Often, before asking our partner to come pick us up or accompany us, we will wait for him to do so, to respond affirmatively to this request. This is perhaps the other key point if we talk about the level of demand, the requests we make, along with the form and circumstances we choose to make them.

Mental rigidity is an indicator of overexertion in the couple.

With the cards on the table, we encourage you to reflect on the following key points:

1. You find errors more salient than successes

The story goes that a teacher wrote the multiplication table on the blackboard, intentionally putting one of the numbers wrong. She later asked her class what had caught their attention and they all pointed out her mistake. There were nine counts right, but somehow her sight had been caught by the one equality that wasn’t true.

This salience of the failure, this call that the error has for our attention, has great value when it comes to improving our performance. However, it can be really painful when it is one of the mechanisms that direct the mind in our relationships.

Thus, we encourage you to step back a little, to see the board in its entirety and Take into account everything you see before thinking that the only thing in it is an error that ruins everything. In this sense, it is important to know that mental rigidity (wanting your partner to provide you with X things) is also another indicator of overexertion as a couple.

2. You feel (always) that you deserve more

At some points in the relationship crises come, which make us question whether our loved one is the one or not. And it is normal to have doubts and to ask ourselves, at some point, if that is the relationship we want. It is even normal to sometimes feel that “we deserve more” (especially in crises and arguments); Thus, this in itself is not an indication that you demand too much. The problem occurs when you constantly have the feeling that you deserve better.

And it is something legitimate to feel it, but it is also important that you know that the explanation may be that in fact This is not the person you want to be with. (because you feel like it doesn’t give enough or for whatever reasons), but it could also be that you are being very demanding with your partner. We encourage you, at least, to consider what may be behind it.

3. You want him to love you, but in a very specific way

We are not all the same and each one has their own way of showing love. You would be very happy if he accompanied you to work and he, on the other hand, stayed at home picking up and leaving the food ready so that when you arrived you only had to heat it up. You would like him to give you a great gift for your birthday, but what he does is buy you a little gift every month.

All these ways of loving and showing love are equally valid. We say this knowing that his way of showing that he cares can cause frustration that builds and builds. If so, we encourage you to talk to your partner – of course, at a time when you are calm. In most cases, By simply breaking the illusion that our partner should read our thoughts, the situation changes..

4. You have high expectations (or unrealistic expectations)

One of the most damaging things for the relationship (and for everything in general) is high expectations, because They make us expect things that in many cases never happen. as we want it, which can be very frustrating.

When we have very high expectations of our partner, we can become very demanding. And it’s not that it’s right or wrong; We can have expectations about our partner, but she has no obligation to meet them (another thing is that you both adapt to evolve, but it is different).

Actually, no one has the duty to meet our expectations, not even the couple; In any case, it is we ourselves who have the responsibility of:

Work on these expectations: we are, ultimately, responsible for our desires, precisely because they are our desires. Decide whether to stay with a person or not (of course, what we expect from the other and what we finally obtain can condition this decision).

Very high expectations about the partner and the relationship generate frustration.

So how do you know if you are being too demanding with your partner?

There is no single answer to this question, although the points described throughout the article may shed some light. However, you should know that It’s not about accepting a relationship in which you don’t feel happy. and in fullness, but to understand the complexity of uniting the lives of two different people who try to reach a middle point of harmony. It is a complex issue, but not impossible.

And we insist, it is necessary that we be clear that the other is not there to meet our expectations, just as we don’t have theirs either. It’s about being flexible and understanding that it is a learning process for both of us.

Remember that (healthy) couple relationships are not born from nothing. These require that:

Let’s accept that we can influence the other, but not mold them so that they fit perfectly. with our wishes. We will have to set limits, but also open up areas in which we are flexible.Let’s define what we need in a relationship (and if what the other needs fits with what we can offer). Let’s nurture commitment and the desire to truly want to be with the other person, even if sometimes we have to give in (when we feel it).You might be interested…