Are there people incapable of love?

Are there people incapable of love? The answer to this question is complex and, although we could say “yes”, there are nuances. There are those who have clear difficulties in loving and letting themselves be loved. There are many men and women who, as a result of a traumatic childhood, show serious problems in building full and happy relationships.

Thus, More than a clinical or neurological inability to experience falling in love, there is “fear”, fear of being hurt, anxiety about feeling attached to someone who will later abandon them or harm them. On the other hand, and when it comes to people with an antisocial personality disorder, psychopathy or narcissism, the issue is even more complex.

In these cases, they develop a relationship based on disorganized attachment. Yes, they can establish romantic relationships, but yes, they are usually governed by specific interests, such as satisfaction, desire or self-indulgence. Thus, as we can well intuit, this topic traces a kaleidoscope of interesting nuances that are worth knowing.

People incapable of love: possible associated causes

What makes there exist people incapable of love? Are they a “flaw” of nature? This is the first reasoning we arrive at almost without thinking. Now, before concluding with such an idea, it would be appropriate to ask ourselves a simple question: why do human beings love? Perhaps, by understanding why this feeling defines us, we will glimpse the reason why some are lacking it.

The well-known anthropologist Helen Fisher explains to us in her book Why do we love? That people move basically by instincts. Neurotransmitters, such as oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine or vasopressin, drive attraction, desire for others, the need to care, to share experiences… We are the result of what our brain dictates.

On the other hand, research works, such as those carried out by Dr. Elaine N. Aron, explain something more to us. People love out of a need to expand our “I”. Beyond attraction, there is the desire to share life with someone, to grow as people alongside someone in the same process, project and life goals.

We are social beings and love allows us to create stable bonds with which to evolve and feel safe.…Therefore, knowing this: Why are there people incapable of love?

Emotional deprivation disorder

Emotional deprivation disorder is a psychological condition defined by psychiatrists Conrad Baars and Anna Terruwe in the mid-20th century. It should be noted that it does not appear in any diagnostic manual and that we do not have excessive scientific documentation.

However, it is common for this term to be referred to whenever the topic of people who do not know or are incapable of love is discussed. Doctors Baars and Terruwe found a very characteristic pattern in this profile:

They are people who They don’t maintain eye contact.They experience feelings of loneliness, but at the same time they do not like to socialize.They constantly feel judged by others. They are distrustful. They often claim that they have never been or will ever be loved and that, therefore, they are incapable of offering affection. They experience feelings of guilt and clearly show low self-esteem.

These types of characteristics often appear in people with autism and also with compulsive hoarding disorder.

People incapable of love and childhood traumas

Behind a good part of the people incapable of love, what there really is is fear. It is fear of being hurt. It is mistrust and anguish due to repeating the same traumatic patterns as in childhood. Because What explains in many cases this difficulty in loving and being loved are childhood traumas.such as physical and psychological abuse, abandonment, sexual abuse, etc.

These people become emotionally fractured. Time hardly heals and resolves anything, especially if therapy is not used. This makes them have great difficulties when establishing emotional relationships. Love is connection and if what was received early was a poisoned love substitute that caused immense pain, it is common to avoid it.

Not understanding what it feels like, alexithymia

Alexithymia defines a type of emotional learning disorder. Often, the origin is a neurological problem that makes it difficult to understand the universe of emotions. In this case, the person is capable of falling in love, but they do not know with certainty what that feeling is and what they should do about it.

They do not empathize, they do not react to other people’s emotions and they cannot understand what is happening inside them.. This brain disorder or alteration affects more people than we think. Many of them remain suspended in a limbo from which it is difficult to establish friendships, relationships, etc.

It should be noted that this condition can also be present in men and women with autism and a psychopathic personality. To conclude, there are several reasons why there are people incapable of love. The most decisive thing is to understand the cause behind it and work on it.. We all deserve to learn to love and feel loved.

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