An Argentine coach explains how we can apologize in a positive way following the PANDA method

An apology may seem simple when the feeling is sincere and true, but the process doesn’t always go as planned. At this time, we do not always choose the right words or behave in a convincing manner. But then, how to act correctly? O coach Argentine Daniel Colombo says the answer lies in a method called PANDA.

O awesome.club talked to Daniel, who has studied human behavior for 30 years, and asked him to explain a little more about this curious method. Check it out right now and be sure to check out the bonus we prepared at the end.

According to Daniel Colombo, apologizing is something that makes us feel vulnerable and less competent. Therefore, depending on the situation, the retraction may seem inappropriate and awkward. We get nervous, red, don’t look each other in the eye, don’t know what to say, or use a non-recommended method like sending a distant, empty text message.

What can also happen is that we are not fully aware of the impact of our mistake on the other. That is, we think that our behavior was not so serious and we postpone the apology. Or even the opposite: the great desire to get this problem out of the way makes us choose an inconvenient time for it, for example when the other is still not ready to forgive us.

In this sense, using a correct way of apologizing can help us to consciously understand our mistakes. To remember more easily, just think of the acronym PANDA. Let’s see more details about the method.

Many people think that saying “Sorry. You forgive me?” is enough. Others “embellish” the retraction request with words that often end up sounding empty. In reality, apologizing without being aware of the mistake made is useless. In other words, you have to think a lot before you act. And if you promise someone that a situation won’t happen again, you have to keep the promise.

Although making mistakes is normal, recognizing them is not easy, especially since in doing so, the person assumes that he is not infallible. Thus, it is very important to be honest, sincere and direct when admitting a mistake to someone.

At this point, it is important to be careful with verbal language, which represents 10% of communication, and non-verbal language (gestures, posture, tone of voice), which represents the other 90%. There is no point in saying one thing and behaving as if you were saying another.

Never use a “lame excuse” when it comes to portraying yourself with someone. Often, the person who failed is bad and tries to minimize the situation with phrases like: “That’s what happened…” or “That wouldn’t have happened if…”. This kind of behavior can be evasive and takes responsibility away from the person who made the mistake. In this sense, when apologizing it is important to be direct and not invent too many explanations.

This is a very important aspect of the PANDA method. The idea is to set a specific course of action, clearly explaining to the other how we are going to act next time if the situation repeats itself. This means above all that we learn the lesson. It’s not about saying “I’ll try…”, but about showing concrete and firm arguments.

Human beings tend to be less direct when it comes to committing to correcting mistakes and fulfilling promises. However, the only way to close the loop and restore trust is to respect what has been agreed. What we think, feel and say must accompany our actions, in this way the affected person can feel safe by our side again.

Perhaps the person affected is no longer on our side physically, but it is still possible to regain inner peace by following certain guidelines recommended by the coach Columbus:

Write a letter: transfer the apology to paper with detail and sincerity, as if you were talking to the other person. Then make a brief ceremony and burn the letter, imagining that it has been received.

Express gratitude: this is a very powerful tool because it heals and brings tranquility. Give yourself the opportunity to portray yourself to a person who has passed away. You can do this when you wake up or at bedtime, until you feel that the past no longer causes remorse.

Apologizing to a close family member: if someone in the other person’s family is willing to listen to you, talk to that person. It’s always difficult to face a third element when it comes to apologizing, but in the end it always feels very good.

O coach told us two situations where the PANDA method worked in a positive way:

In the business field, for example, not apologizing properly affects work dynamics and results. Therefore, applying the PANDA method helps to keep the team together so that everyone does their work in a synchronized way.

At the individual level, the PANDA method can help resolve conflicts from the past that do not allow a person to live the present in a true and profound way. For example, in this way, a scientist was able to recant and was reunited with her former mentor. In this way, she stopped feeling tormented by the past and started to live her achievements to the fullest.

Do you have a hard time apologizing? Do you think the PANDA method can help improve this aspect? Share your impressions in the comments.