Ambivalent relationships, what are they like?

Love and hate at the same time. Appreciate someone, but know, in a way, that our well-being improves when that specific person is away from us. Ambivalent relationships are frequent and that is something that in many cases causes us a certain contradiction and even discomfort. The problem is that we don’t know very well how to manage this series of links.

Friends, family, co-workers… Emotional ambivalence is a well-known phenomenon within the field of psychology. In fact, it is a sensation that we experience almost constantly in many areas of our reality and in multiple areas. One may, for example, love one’s children very much but need a few hours of solitude from time to time.

We love our partners with all our soul, but there are days when we would love to take a trip alone to enjoy ourselves, to delight in a small space of intimacy. The curious thing is that Having these thoughts makes it easier for us to feel bad, even guilty..

The problem often arises from understanding emotional ambivalence as negative. In fact, it is part of what the human mind is, what defines us since the beginning of time. Dissonance and contradiction are, in most cases, completely normal.. We analyze it.

Ambivalent relationships: definition, characteristics and how to handle them

Ambivalent relationships (such as ambivalent emotions) generate psychological suffering. The reason? The mind is not prepared to filter ambiguity, wherever it comes from. Thus, in a world as full of stimuli as ours, the brain has a very clear purpose: to filter, label and simplify, reducing as much as possible all the chaos that surrounds us.

What does this translate into? Basically experiencing stress when, for example, we really appreciate a friend, but we prefer not to spend a lot of time with him because he bores us. Also feeling bad about ourselves because, although we love our brother, we would like to become independent from home as soon as possible so as not to have to argue with him every day.

The relational contradiction weighs on our conscience when, in reality, it falls within what is expected, within our emotional universe. As much as it may surprise us, people can love and hate at the same time, feel affection for someone but prefer their distance, love our baby madly but want him to fall asleep once and for all so we can rest for a while on the couch without doing anything. nothing….

Ambivalent relationships place us in a state of permanent doubt

Ambivalent relationships can cause more pain than a “bad” relationship. At least, in the latter, we know what to expect and how to act. However, when we navigate constant contradiction, when we have that cousin or that coworker who makes us laugh, who exudes grace and sympathy, but whom we distrust, the brain suffers.

Often, We wonder if it wouldn’t be better to cut contact forever. Because dissonance, both emotional and cognitive, destabilizes. Thus, and to calm that internal conflict a little, sometimes we are forced to make decisions, such as putting an end to that bond and not reinforcing it, walking away.

However, The problem that defines this type of relationship is maximum.. Because, in general, we navigate between affection and discomfort, between sympathy and antipathy, between positive feelings and negative ones.

Learning to navigate the waves of ambivalence

The brain does not like contradiction, much less emotional one.. In his internal universe, he prefers everything ordered. But let’s face it, life is incredibly complex and relationships are even more so. As Walt Whitman said, “we have multitudes” within us.

Accepting everyday contradiction is assuming that things cannot always be as we believe or desire. The people around us, as well as ourselves, are complicated beings and it is difficult for them to always satisfy us, for us to like everything about them at every moment and circumstance.

Accepting that evidence reduces suffering. Even more, studies such as those carried out at the University of Michigan (United States) show us something interesting. The ambivalent mind is a wise mind because it improves our judgments. That is, when we accept that something or someone can provoke in us (at the same time) feelings of positive and negative valence and that this is normal, it makes us appreciate reality in a more intelligent way.

In life, things are rarely black and white. People rarely make us happy at every moment and in every second of our existence. Our reality is full of gray, chiaroscuro. Sometimes they disappoint us, other times they excite us. We are all fallible and sometimes successful and even brave. Other times we tremble with fear and at certain moments, we are extraordinary…

Ambivalent relationships can be uncomfortable for us, it is true, but that is something we must always live with. Accepting ambivalence is being able to tolerate our opposing emotions.. And in doing so, the mind finds its precious balance…

You might be interested…