Aging of parents: know the changes they face at this stage of their life

When parents age, gradually losing their autonomy, our reality changes completely.. They say that it is the law of life, that the dance of time has those unforeseen turns and that whoever used to always carry us in the wings now can no longer handle our weight. It is then that our heroes of yesteryear lose their cape to cover our backs.

The responsibility is immense, also terrifying. It is not easy to cope with that stage in which, suddenly, roles seem to change almost by magic.: Children must act as parents and parents must learn to let themselves be helped. Because, although they remain valid in many aspects, the pulse often fails, fatigue immobilizes and health is more capricious than ever.

It is not easy for the father or mother to assume that they are beginning to be fallible. Because pride does not languish, it does not become wrinkled, but prevails with the same youthful impetus, refusing to accept the fragility of the body and the changes of cycle.

After all, someone who has spent their entire life rescuing others and carrying all the weights of the world on their backs doesn’t know how to delegate. Even less how to accept his own vulnerability…

Our parents have taken care of us all their lives. Taking care of them when they can no longer take care of themselves is the greatest act of love and honesty.

The changes we must accept when parents get older

Good parents are not those who give life, authentic parents are those who give love. In this way, when we are lucky enough to grow up surrounded by that constant affection and dedication, it hurts to see how they age. And that perception, that age already weighs heavily on them, is sudden and almost unexpected.. Suddenly, one day they break their routines and stop doing what they did every day.

Maybe their health fails for the first time and the doctor tells them “the years don’t pass in vain.” Sudden forgetfulness may also arise, causing us to stop driving the car or, almost without knowing how, discovering how fragile they have become. They, who before could do everything, They suddenly become figures who need more help than they can offer..

A paper by Drs. Christine A. Price and Whitney A. Brosi of Montclair State University points out something important. We are going to be an increasingly older society. It is necessary, therefore, that we learn gerontological strategies in the family environment.

It’s not easy to see our parents getting older., nor deal with the factors that accompany this process. Therefore, it is interesting to analyze those phases that we usually go through when parents age.

1. The stage of self-sufficiency

Our parents spend almost their entire life cycle enjoying the stage of self-sufficiency. They are owners of their life, their body, their mental faculties and their own decisions. It is that time when they are always there for us, helping us, guiding us and rescuing us… It doesn’t matter that we already wear adult clothes and we don’t live with them, in their minds we are still their children.

2. The relationship of interdependence

When parents get older is when they start to need our help.. Because authentic old age has nothing to do with age or wrinkles on the skin, it has to do with losing autonomy. When that phase of interdependence arrives when they need us to go to the doctor, to organize their medications or carry out those tasks that are beyond them, that is when everything changes.

If until not long ago they were those omniscient figures who took care of everything, at a given moment that reality takes a 180º turn. And it is true, a part of us, the one that continues to harbor the child we were, suffers and is stressed by this change. But be careful, because older adults do it too.

Our parents will not always ask us for help when they need it. They are not used to it and it may be difficult for them. Therefore, we must be aware, be close and be intuitive to anticipate these needs.

3. Dependency

Cook for them, clean them, hold their hand when sadness or fear overcomes them, make them smile, accompany them to their medical appointments… In old age, when parents are already dependent figures, they receive from their children the purest love that exists. That which is conferred through constant dedication, compassion and affection.

Although it is a difficult stage, we can continue enjoying them and discovering them in another way.

4. Crisis management when parents get older

Aging brings with it moments of crisis that test our management capacity. As parents age and reach advanced ages, it is common to have to deal with unexpected incidents, illnesses, and diagnoses. No one prepares us for that stage in which anything from dementia to a broken hip can arise.

However, as children, we end up facing any situation, being strong, as they were with us.

Let’s try to celebrate and enjoy every moment of our parents while they are still with us.

5. End of life

Let’s celebrate our parents when we have them with us. Let’s do it every day, either by talking to them on the phone or by spending time with them when possible. Because parents, like us, are finite, with the only exception that they will probably leave much sooner.

We are nothing more than brief tenants of this world where only one thing is certain: that life will end at some point. Let’s enjoy the people we love intensely, especially from those who gave everything for us: our parents.

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