9 ways they invalidate your emotions

There are many ways to invalidate your emotions.. In fact, it is very possible that they did it on more than one occasion during your childhood. This may even be a recurring problem in your relationship. Because the ability to allow another person’s emotional state to have its space and be respected is not something that everyone understands or facilitates.

Friedrich Nietzsche said that We must understand more what the heart says, because if we neglect it, control of the head will soon be lost as well. And, in fact, this idea illustrates very well as a metaphor what happens when we neglect and even mistreat the universe of psychophysiological states that constitute our emotions.

Validation is an essential communication tool and also an extraordinary channel to express love and acceptance within relationships. Doing it (and doing it well) constitutes a basic nutrient in parenting, in the correct psychological development of the little ones, and it is also the language that we must use in all types of relationships with the people around us.

Ways they invalidate your emotions

The issue of emotional invalidation is more complex than it seems. Somehoweven we ourselves unknowingly invalidate the emotional states of others. We do it because we have been instilled with codes, forms and even a series of perceptions. Thus, to the person who cries or suffers we do not hesitate to say that: “Calm down, it’s okay, what’s worrying you will happen sooner or later.”

We console and provide support with all good intentions without knowing that this good intention sometimes restricts and blocks us. What’s more, studies such as those carried out at Wayne State University in Michigan, for example, show us something of great importance. The correct validation of the mother towards her children during upbringing favors the good development of emotional awareness and the psychological health of those children tomorrow.

Mastering this craft of human relationships affects many more areas than we think. It is decisive, therefore, to detect these incorrect practicesthose attitudes and expressions that hurt, that invalidate us emotionally. We analyze them.

1. It’s not that big of a deal

Indeed. At some point in our lives we have been dropped a ““It’s not that big a deal.” or some of his most classic similes “that’s nothing” either “It’s just that you worry about everything.” With these types of expressions they make us feel like the kings of drama or worse still, people incapable of addressing life’s difficulties, creatures with little competence in emotional matters.

Among the ways in which they invalidate your emotions, this is, without a doubt, the most common and also the one that is repeated to us the most in childhood. Let’s be clear: every experience that a person lives is unique and we must respect it.

2. Are you really crying about that?

How can you think of crying over that nonsense! Oh really? If it’s not worth worrying about those things!…Here we have another clear example of how They damage our self-esteem by minimizing or undervaluing our worry, sadness, disappointment or anger.

To this day, emotional expression and relief through tears continues to be viewed with discomfort.

3. You shouldn’t feel like this, you have to be strong

“You have to be strong!”they tell you “It’s not worth feeling like this!” They insist on us. However… What if right now I feel depressed, sad and angry? Am I a weak person for experiencing this series of emotions? Obviously not. But Another way they invalidate your emotions is when they insist on this very thing, that you must be strong.that someone like you shouldn’t feel that way.

These reasonings convey contempt and superiority. Denying a person’s emotional perspective can make them feel small, weak, and unable to manage their life. Let’s not allow it.

4. Don’t think about it, move on

Imagine for a moment that you have been preparing for an important marathon for more than a year. Now, a month before, you suffer an accident and break your leg. In this situation, you can’t help but feel desolate, sad and angry. However, someone close to you, a brother, a friend or your partner tells you not to think too much about what happened, to move on.

But how to do it if you have a broken leg? The pain is there, you can’t walk, you can’t move and the disappointment after so much effort has been made. You can’t hide it, cover it or ignore it.

5. I’m not going to argue with you about that.

Another way in which they invalidate your emotions often occurs in relationships. Something very common is that When any difference, disagreement or any problem arises, the other person tells us that they are not going to argue with us.. Normally, they do it by raising their voice as a warning and in a blunt manner.

This expression is an example of violent communication. Not only is it a way to invalidate us, it is a way to belittle our opinion, perspective and needs.

6. You get angry about everything, you can’t talk to you

Many of you may be familiar with that expression, the one in which we are told that we take everything the wrong way, that you can’t talk to us because we get angry for nothing. Sharing life with a family member or a partner who constantly repeats this phrase to us can be very harmful.

7. You don’t need to act like this

Another way they invalidate your emotions is when they tell you to stop, to calm down, to not be like that. This phrase, this resource, is undoubtedly the most common and the one we encounter most frequently. If we say this to a child we will intensify her emotions even more and will not help her deal with his internal reality.

If we use this comment with a friend or family member, we will belittle their situation, their feelings, and the experience they are feeling at that moment.

8. You are too sensitive

You are too sensitive, everything affects you! Many of us have seen ourselves in this same situation, the one in which Someone criticizes us for overestimating certain things, that we react so intensely. These types of situations make us feel alone and misunderstood.

9. Ways they invalidate your emotions: I’ve been there, it could be worse

There is a situation that those who most and those who least have experienced firsthand. It is the one in which someone underestimates our emotional reality by pointing out that things could be worse. What’s more, they don’t hesitate to point out to us that they themselves have gone through the same thing as us and that it “isn’t that big of a deal.”

When someone suffers, When someone is dealing with a moment of high emotional complexity, the last thing we expect is for them to resort to narcissism.to the “That’s nothing, mine was more important” or “You drown with a glass of water and I know how to swim among sharks.”

It is evident that we will always find figures with this profile, personalities with this lack of insight, low competence and no ability in emotional matters. The decisive thing is that we know how to react to this type of invalidations. Because Those who do not respect our emotions do not respect us as people.

How can emotions be validated?

To begin with, when people give each other space to talk about our daily lives, the things that happen to us, bother us, make us happy or surprise us and, at the same time, we put ourselves in an attitude of receptive listening, we are taking a very important step. important in emotional validation, self and others.

Talking about our emotions is a challenge, so doing so implies an exercise of trust, affection and respect that is not possible to build with everyone, so it is also essential to be selective as to who we share our emotional universe with. .

Another form of emotional validation is found in telling others, from the heart: “I understand you” or “I understand what you are going through” or even more so “I understand why this situation bothers you.” On many occasions, more than comfort, we want to feel heard and validated, to know that someone is capable of empathizing with our emotions, that they understand us and that they support us.

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