9 tips for raising an only child

Statistics show that Spanish families increasingly decide to have fewer children.

The reasons for this drop in birth rates are more socioeconomic than psychological: the incorporation of women into the world of work, the delay in maternity, fertility problems, the difficulty in harmonizing work with family life, the increase in separations…

These elements come together when it comes to having only one child, so that Currently, being an only child is almost more of a norm than an exception.

Growing up alone among adults in a home is different from growing up surrounded by siblings, but it is not convenient to incur in a negative type of determinism.

An only child does not have to be an overprotected, pampered or pampered child. Psychological studies show that these are just clichés and prejudices. That a person acts in a selfish or tyrannical way is usually more the result of bad education than the fact of not having siblings.

What are the risks when raising an only child?

The type of relationship established by parents with only one child increases the chances of that this one has a number of traits that can be potentially negative for their development.

Knowing some of these characteristics can help prevent them:

Socialization problems. Growing up in an adult family model, without siblings with whom to share their time and play, they may show certain problems when it comes to relating to other children. They may prefer to remain among adults than open up to making friends with children their own age.Difficulty tolerating frustration. Because they are not used to losing, it is sometimes difficult for them to face problems and setbacks. It is then easier for them to throw a tantrum or refuse to do new activities for fear of doing it wrong.Overprotection. It is one of the great risks that parents of only children take by giving them excessive attention, protecting them all the time from supposed dangers or giving them everything they ask for, even before they ask for it. Overprotection can cause insecure children, excessively dependent on parents and low self-esteem.little supportive Not having to share your things with other siblings can create a feeling of ownership that makes it difficult for you to share; so sometimes they can seem selfish.Too pressured. Some parents with only one child put all their expectations on him and put a lot of pressure on him to fulfill them.

Being an only child does not in itself have advantages and disadvantages: it all depends on the child, the upbringing and the environment.

Does being an only child have advantages?

However, Apart from mentioning these risks, it should be remembered that only childrendue to the fact of growing up without siblings, they have some advantages which can be of great help. Let’s see them.

Creativity. They tend to be more creative and imaginative, since spending a lot of time alone they have to manage to entertain themselves and not get bored. That makes them invent games, do crafts, etc.Intelligence. They tend to have a higher intellectual level, since their parents give them more attention and receive more encouragement than if they had siblings.Leadership. They can become small leaders, as they are used to being the center of attention.Self-esteem. If there is a good affective relationship on the part of the parents, without reaching the excesses of overprotection, they feel very loved and respected, which can improve their personal security and self-esteem.Linguistic ability. Increased contact with adults may foster better language development than other children their age.

How to avoid the most frequent mistakes when educating a single son or daughter

The responsibility of parentshave the number of children they have, is always the same: provide physical and emotional care so that they grow in the healthiest way possible.

However, as we have seen, the fact of having only one child can enhance a series of educational mistakes: overprotection, isolation, projecting too many expectations on him… To avoid these mistakes, parents should:

teach him to share his things with parents and friends, so that he does not become a selfish child with an excessive sense of propriety. A good way to do this is to invite other children over to play or sleep over, as well as letting you go to the children’s house.Encourage their autonomy. Parents should take into account that children are not their property, on the contrary: they are autonomous and free creatures that will gradually develop, and in their evolution they will discover their preferences and hobbies. Parents should promote that autonomy and encourage them in the search for their interests, rather than dump all their expectations on them.Set clear boundaries what you can and cannot do, what is right and what is not. Scolding him when he doesn’t behave properly is the best way to avoid falling into overprotection and to foster in him his sense of responsibility.Give him the affective and educational treatment appropriate to his age and characteristicssince with only children there is a risk of seeing them older or smaller than they really are.Involve him in the housework It is a good way for him to learn that everyone’s effort and collaboration is required, as well as to teach him that he is not the king of the house, but one more within the family structure.Foster their relationships with other children through extracurricular activities (sports, crafts…), so that he learns to interact with other children outside the school environment.Encourage him to try in achieving his goals, he teaches him to value things and not to believe that everything is given to him on a whim. Play with them, Well, many times only children tend to isolate themselves in their hobbies and for parents that attitude can be very comfortable. This also implies limiting the time they can spend alone in front of the computer, television or video games, since not having to share them with siblings can further increase their isolation.Save you discussions. By being alone at home with the parents, the child can more easily witness the discussions that they may have both among themselves and in relation to the child’s education. These types of discussions, which on the other hand are inevitable and even necessary, should be able to take place in the absence of the child and also trying not to seek alliances with him to solve the couple’s problems.

When they ask “why don’t I have siblings?”

This is a question frequently asked by only children.either because they feel lonely or because many of their friends talk about their experiences with siblings.

As with any other question, parents must answer honestly.explaining the reasons why they do not want or cannot have more children, always in a clear way and adapted to the age of the child.

Each family will have its reasons and there is no need to fear exposing them to the child. But it is never convenient to say that they do it for his or her good.so that he is happier or does not have to share his things or his affection, since, in addition to the fact that this is not usually the truth, the child may feel like an exclusive object for his parents.

Two only children: siblings with a large age difference

if it exists a noticeable age difference between two childrenfor example of six or more years, that can induce breeding of those children as if they were “only children”even more so if one is a boy and the other a girl, or if the parents did not count on having a second child from the outset.

As there is a large difference in age between the children and with the illusion of the parents for the newborn, they may think that the eldest is already “raised”, that he hardly needs them, and leave him a little aside to focus on the new child .

In this way, the eldest will have been treated as an only child and the same will be done with the second, but with the aggravating circumstance that the first will feel abandoned, which will foster in him jealousy towards his brother and will generate relationship problems with the parents.

If this situation occursParents must act responsibly and give each of their children the attention they deserve, without turning exclusively to any, but neither leaving one aside. In this way, the eldest will live the experience of having a sibling as something natural and healthy for the whole of the family structure.

Only children in a single parent family: what do they need?

It is becoming more common that this situation occurs after a divorceand even as the fruit of a adoption or a pregnancy Assisted reproduction.

In any of these cases increases the risknot only from overprotection, but of considering the child as an extension of the adult himself, as if it were a part of himself. And although it does not always have to be like this, the father or mother must take it into account to avoid it.

When it comes to a separation, the child has another adult referent in the figure of his father or his mother and that risk is minimized; In this case, it is above all a question of not using the minor against the father or the mother.

In the other cases, and also according to the sex of the minor in relation to that of the adult, it is necessary to know how to find other adult references of the opposite sex among family or friends, as well as understanding that the child –however desired it may have been– has its own life and that they must foster their social relationships with other children.

In addition to finding these other references, it is convenient to ffacilitate your relationship with other family members so that, even living alone with his father or mother, feel like you are part of a larger family and that it is not the exclusive property of anyone. Otherwise, very symbiotic relationships can be generated that do not favor the good emotional development of the child.

Foster that relationship with the family and with other children it will also help the adult to continue having a social life. While the child will perceive that he is not his only center of attention.

Adoption without fantasies after a biological child

More and more families with biological children decide to adopt, especially in the case of couples with only one child.

Giving your child a little brother should not be the main motive. A child has to be the result of the parents’ wishes and not respond only to the demand of a brother, since the risks of integration will be greater.

The adopted child must have his own place as the result of the couple’s desire and not be primarily the “brother of” or the partner that the biological child wants.

Often these parents state in their request that it will be a gratifying experience for their child and think about how positive it can be for the adopter, without considering the difficulties or having realistic expectations.

It is worth analyzing what that child will mean within the family structure and assess the ability of parents to meet very different needs of their children. Many parents minimize the differences and believe that by already having a child it will be easier for them to adopt a minor.

The arrival of a child always changes family dynamics, even more so if one of them is adopted,…