9 Signs of emotional blackmail that you must know so as not to be manipulated or manipulate others

In general, a manipulative person generates a feeling of discomfort, guilt or fear in the other. This behavior, called “emotional blackmail” by psychotherapist Susan Forward, refers to people who take advantage of and control friends, children, parents or spouses for their own benefit. It is important to quickly perceive the signs that appear in these cases, so that you are not the target of this dangerous dynamic and do not become someone who does the same to others.

O awesome.club created a list of signs of emotional blackmail that we should be aware of so we don’t let manipulation happen. Let’s go to them.

This dynamic is mainly based on emotional demands and threats that one person demands from the other to get what they want. Psychologists say that emotional blackmail causes damage to the victim, because he sees himself manipulated and often doesn’t even realize it. in your book Emotional BlackmailSusan Forward and Donna Frazier explain that the manipulator uses scare tactics because they know the other person so well.

According to psychologist Jonathan García-Allen, there are many reasons that lead a person to act in a manipulative way in a relationship. For example:

Low self esteem: the person always seeks the certainty that the other really loves him, or does things to make the other leave him. Narcissism: using blackmail with friends, family, and others to emphasize your greatness in relation to others. Emotional dependency: some are afraid of abandonment and therefore idealize other people. People who develop a profile that can be manipulated: García-Allen himself claims that this happens to people who were overprotected as children and have little tolerance for frustration. This can lead to the habit of having everything they want, but always in a submissive position.

The person who manipulates never does it in a healthy way and therefore uses negativity, obstacles and victimization to make everything go the way they want. This leaves the manipulated person very confused. Psychologist Karen Doll further details: “Let’s think of a man who is in a serious relationship and who cheats on his partner. Instead of apologizing, he might change the story and blame her for not meeting her needs, or for not being there for him when he needs it.”

The manipulator tries to strengthen the relationship in an unhealthy way, using phrases like “If you leave me, I die” and “After you, there is nothing”, making the other person feel very guilty. A YouTube video shows a clear example of this using the personality of one of the characters from Friends🇧🇷 It is possible to see that Rachel has a narcissistic and selfish profile and Ross is the liar in the relationship; i.e. a ticking time bomb. For this reason, even if they don’t realize it, they maintain a turbulent relationship that is not free of manipulation.

According to Healthline, manipulators try to meet with others in places they know very well, such as the home, car and office, where they don’t feel as exposed. That way, they get an advantage when it comes to interacting, because they dominate the space. In this sense, it is very common to hear “You come, because I’m busy right now”, or “This place is too far away, we’d better meet at my house”.

Some people use threatening phrases to make the other change some aspects of their personality and even restrict their freedom to please them. In this sense, the manipulator says things like “If you’re not with me, don’t blame me if I go out with other people”, or “You spend too much time with your friends and not enough time with me”. the Netflix series Dirty John it shows this aspect well — it brings emotional blackmail as its main theme.

The manipulative person lies and changes some facts to confuse the other. In fact, she exaggerates to appear more vulnerable. For example, if a person is found to be cheating on someone, they always respond with “It’s not what it seems”, or “We’re just friends”, a clear excuse that makes the other think they have jealousy and trust issues.

Another important sign to watch out for: manipulators avoid talking and create tension in the relationship when they are upset, which makes the other person think that everything is very bad. This is a way to play the victim, buy time and have everything under control.

It’s when the manipulator makes the other feel guilty for their actions or their behavior. Clearly, it’s another warning sign for psychological abuse. In this sense, people say things like “It’s you who makes me behave like this”, “I’m fat because you don’t know how to cook”, among others.

When the manipulative person promises they will do certain things to show they can change. For example, the manipulator behaves violently, and when the other says he’s going to end everything, he says he’s going to change, but it never happens. This behavior appears in the cycle of violence and can be very dangerous.

Although it is difficult to detect these or other signs, according to psychoanalysts, it is important to understand that the manipulator is not a bad person. However, their actions and comments cause very serious emotional damage. Therefore, it is important to be calm when acting. In this sense, Jonathan García-Allen indicates that, although the manipulator’s attitude changes very little, the victim (manipulated person) can work on aspects of emotional intelligence and self-esteem to empower himself.

What other signs of emotional blackmail do you know or have experienced? What do you do to prevent these situations from happening again? Share your opinion in the comments.