8 things you should know about true love

Defining true love is not an easy task. However, here we collect some truths about this feeling that will help you recognize it.

The Beatles said in their famous song that All You Need Is Love (all you need is Love). Now, what kind of love should we look for? We know that not just anyone will do, and that in this art of loving we must have a head so as not to nourish ourselves only with disappointments. We all crave true love in some way.. Knowing what defines it is undoubtedly a first step.

As curious as it may be, couples therapists very often encounter this same dilemma: having to explain to their patients what we call “true love.” It should also be said that every time we start a relationship we tell ourselves that we have found it. We are overcome with excitement, passion and all that torrent of neurotransmitters, giving us endless intense emotions. However, over time something happens that casts doubt on that first statement. No, it wasn’t our true love.

One cannot say that one loves another until one knows one’s demons, one’s anger, one’s anger and one’s contradictions. It is necessary to truly love to understand that in a relationship not everything is beauty, but there is also chaos and, along with it, dynamite.

Scientific research tells us that there are many types of love. We have romantic love, possessive love, agape love, that which is based only on attraction, that which is based on friendship, that which cultivates intimacy… However, defining exactly what true love is is not always easy. . In a way it would be an agape love, one that is based on maturity and understanding, one where there is also a transcendence, an authentic and firm commitment… Let’s look at all its characteristics.

1. True love first starts with self-love

We often do it: we fall in love with love. We tend to feed an ideal, the one that for generations has transmitted to us the image of romantic love. However, we must not be mistaken. This concept, this relational scheme results in authentic emotional suicides, loss of self-esteem and dependent relationships.

Read Also: True friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

To love without dependence or need, we need to value ourselves first. Therefore, let us not forget the following, To say “I love you” you must first know how to say “I love myself.” Self-love and self-knowledge are the keys to creating healthy relationships.

In short, to find the right person, to find that true love, we must also prepare ourselves for a relationship. This requires internal work that can be costly but will nevertheless have great benefits.

“If love were a tree, the roots would be your self-love. The more you love yourself, the more fruit your love will bear on others and the more sustainable it will be over time.”

-Walter Riso-

2. To love is to love without conditions

It is normal that we do not like everything about our partner. However, Differences make love more beautiful, and in turn, complement it. If we limit ourselves to loving only what we like about the other person, we will have an incomplete relationship. If we focus on idealizing others, we will live a lie. All that love cannot be sustained for long. Therefore, let’s open our eyes and accept the other person with all their nuances, their defects, virtues, mistakes, greatness, lights, shadows…

3. Love is not needing, it is preferring

Dependency and love are so at odds that if we force them to coexist, they destroy each other. No one in life has the responsibility to complete what we lack. That is why preferring instead of needing has the direct consequence of giving more value to the person we love, since we will value them for who they are and not for what they give us.

Read Also: 5 questions to know if you really love yourself

The resolution of this point is closely linked to the first; That is, we need to work and take care of ourselves so as not to fall into “need” that someone covers our wounds and eliminates our shortcomings. That’s why, The key to true love is within ourselves.

4. Being the perfect couple does not mean not having problems, but knowing how to solve them

True love is not without problems. Harmony is not always perfect, nor is one immune to difficulties. Sometimes we fall into that same mistake: believing that for love to work there should not be arguments, differences, challenges. However, we must be clear, The perfect couple is actually one capable of solving problems through respect, commitment and stability.. It means not agreeing on everything, but having the same values where you can work together, for the same project, accepting the differences.

5. True love does not grow from nothing, it is built

To build love it is necessary to form a team and establish the rules of the game. In order to jump to that relational and emotional field we should know that Communication, sincere and empathetic listening, open dialogues and the elimination of pretensions are necessary.

Love will be built with the foundations of support, recognition and true affection. Through these premises we will build something better than love: complicity.

6. To love fully you must establish your emotional limits

A healthy relationship is not based on power games or conditions, but is based on joint, balanced and healthy purposes. Thus, we should get rid of the idea of sacrifice linked to love.

There are certain things we should not tolerate such as abuse, deception, emotional manipulation, mistreatment or violation of our values. All of them are based on lack of respect and lack of love, so rejecting it means not exceeding our emotional limits.

7. True love is not known by what it demands, but by what it offers

Love is not control or demand, it is freedom and trust. Despite this, emotional slavery is much more common than we would like to acknowledge; In fact, it is more than common to find ourselves with erroneous ideas regarding commitment and couples.

Read Also: Narcissistic families: the void of healthy affectivity

Therefore, it is necessary to eliminate victimhood and reproaches that attempt to justify bad actions or bad words. These types of behaviors keep us trapped in a negative spiral that nourishes our relationship with darkness, distrust, and false expectations.

In the same way, if to be next to someone you have to sacrifice part of yourself and your life, then that love is diminishing you. Love is based on respect and the individual growth of each member of the couple.

8. If love squeezes you, it’s not your size

If love hurts, it means that it is not love, that we are confusing feelings and that we are hurting ourselves. That is to say, if we perceive that we are drowning, isn’t it time to get out of the water? It is not we who must change to fit in with our partner, it is not ourselves who is forced to fit into every expectation, to silence every offense, to close our eyes to every disappointment. If the relationship causes distress, it is best to let it go.

If one member of the couple vetoes a part of the other, it’s time to say goodbye and let go. We must be able to restore priorities, to safeguard our dignity.

To conclude, searching for and finding a partner can be easier than we think. However, True love is not only found but you work every day to make that discovery a project.from that love a security and an illusion with which to grow as people as a team, shaping happiness.