8 Principles for Raising a Girl Who Can Achieve Anything on Her Own (Despite Stereotypes)

The approach to parenting is something that changes all the time. Until recently, the phrase “good girl” was a source of satisfaction and a role model. Now, that phrase generates a certain skepticism, and even negativity, because “good” means something connected to passive behavior.

Hi! My name is Anastasia. I have two daughters. I would really like them to grow up not only happy, but free from the stereotype that a girl’s main goal is to marry well. I have some tips on how to achieve this and I’m ready to share them with the readers of awesome.club🇧🇷

The postulate that the inner world is more important than appearance seems obvious. But in the case of girls, first of all, praise is for beauty, as if it were the most important virtue. Experts advise paying attention to your daughter’s ideas, creativity, behavior, and only then, her appearance. That doesn’t mean you can’t tell a girl she’s beautiful. I say this to my daughters several times a day, but after praising them for something more important.

Praising a child for their talent or intelligence is not a good idea either. In this situation, you praise your daughter for something she cannot control or influence. Researchers recommend praising a child’s efforts to achieve results. This encourages her to move forward and try even harder.

The “good girl” always listens to her mother and does not argue with her. But is the mother always right? And even if she is right, why should a child agree with her? Now, I’m a mother and I know I’m wrong often and I don’t think I’ll stop making mistakes. And if so, why should my word be the last?

Experts believe that a girl should be able to disagree with you as a way of learning to do the same with peers, teachers, boyfriends, or future bosses. By engaging in a reasonable discussion with a child, you will teach him not only to say “no” but also to put his point of view. In addition, you can also learn a lot of new things.

In today’s world, it is necessary to make quick choices. But for many people this is difficult because they have not been taught from childhood. I try to give my daughters the right to choose whenever possible. They are almost two years old and can already decide which toy to buy, which color of dress to wear and what to have for breakfast.

In the future, they will choose their own hobbies and hobbies. Yes, they will probably give up a lot of choices, but it’s better to try and give up than not try and regret it for the rest of your life. Also, how can children know what they like and what they don’t?

This is a photo of singer Billie Eilish and her mother, who gave her children (including Billie herself) the education so they could do what they really love. She has always encouraged her children to study music and even joined her daughter on one of her international tours.

I really want my daughters to have a passion: dancing, wrestling, punk band, drawing, nuclear physics, whatever. A person with shining eyes is always more interesting than one who is bored. However, the important thing is not to overdo it and not to overload a child with too many duties.

“A hobby helps a girl overcome difficulties, which increases her self-esteem and makes her believe that what matters is her inner values, not her looks,” says Rachel Simmons, author of the book. Odd Girl Out. 🇧🇷She’ll play basketball or play the piano instead of watching TV shows.”

I really want to save my kids from any trouble, but I have to fight it. Allowing a child to deal with a difficult situation alone means not only “rehearsing” adult scenarios, but also teaching them to take responsibility for their decisions.

International bestselling author How to Raise Children for the World, Esther Wojcicki believes that nowadays parents take too much care of their children. In the end, we have a generation that doesn’t know how to take responsibility. Many young people simply do not know that they are capable of solving problems on their own, without the help of their parents.

“I’m a professor at Stanford. And what do I see? A large number of parents have moved to Stanford to help their ‘babies’. I wish it was a joke, but it’s true! I can’t believe they moved, changed their whole lives because their kids went to university! Russian parents remind me of the great snow plows: they are ready to pave the way for the children so that they do not have to face any difficulties. And the worst part is that kids know it. In fact, they are counting on it,” says Esther.

And you know what? I trust her. She has three daughters, one is the CEO of YouTube (44th in America’s Self Made Women 2019 according to the Forbes), another is the head of an innovative genetic testing company, 23andMe (33rd on the same list), and the youngest is a professor of Pediatrics at the University of California.

There’s one more thing that won’t be easy to do, but I’ll try. “Girls who avoid risk have lower self-esteem than their peers who are prepared to face difficulties,” says psychologist Joan Dick. “Convince your daughter to step out of her comfort zone. For example, encourage a girl who is afraid to cycle down a hill to first find a small hill to ‘win’ her”.

It sounds a little scary, but those who grew up in the 90s will understand what the psychologist is talking about. We are truly amazed at the shyness of “Generation Z” people, whose parents were literally obsessed with their safety. They don’t know how to risk even as adults, so it’s harder to succeed. No, I’m not in any way suggesting that we teach our daughters the diversions of our childhood, but I think I’ll try the bicycle hill trick that psychologist Joan Dick alluded to.

I often read to my daughters, literally, on autopilot. It’s when I’m so tired that I don’t understand what’s written. And the girls get bored. But I want to involve them in the process so that they are interested in books and, therefore, in knowledge.

Experts recommend active reading, which allows a child to participate in the process not just as a passive listener. It is recommended, for example, to ask a child to read some passages, ask them how they think the plot will change or what they would do if they were a character. If the girl is too small, ask her to turn the pages.

Yes, I know it’s normal to condemn fairy tales these days because they have outdated behavioral patterns and a lot of examples of sexism, abuse and discriminatory practices. But first of all, fairy tales are great. And secondly, you can see many other things in them: for example, Cinderella’s success came when she got tired of being obedient.

Do you have your own secret methods of raising children? Share them with us.