9 Advice From Psychologists We Liked And Shared On The Internet But In Vain

It is undeniable: the advancement of social networks in our daily lives has led to an increase in the dissemination of self-help tips, some of them super useful and others, empty clichés with no practical sense and that many people continue to share.

You may have already read, for example, expressions like “happiness starts outside the comfort zone”, “you have to change jobs every 3 to 5 years” and “it is important to try more than 100%”. But which ones are valid and which are just clichés?

O awesome.club decided to further evaluate these advices that circulate on social networks to try to understand which ones are useful.

On the face of it, this is useful advice that serves as a recipe for achieving a successful career or a fulfilling personal life. However, the reality is that this type of behavior can lead to pathological perfectionism and burnout. Physically, we are incapable of always giving our best and perfectionism, in itself, is dangerous because it develops anxiety and increases the risk of suffering little by little mental illness.

You need to rest, sometimes be lazy and even make mistakes: all this will allow you to be in shape and get rid of stress.

There are hundreds of books and lectures by so-called gurus preaching the importance of changing jobs every five years — some say 3 or 4 years. Regardless of the time, the fact is that, according to these “experts”, job changes are necessary. But the question is: are they necessary for everyone? A few decades ago, a person worked in a company for 10, 20 or even 30 years and retired. Studies in different countries suggest that the frequency of job changes is largely related to age and that people over 35 are already less likely to change professions.

The changes are associated with a search for personal and professional identity. But even because they understand this new worldview, many companies offer career change opportunities from one area to another, so it is not so necessary to seek a job change that, by definition, is usually traumatic and risky. In addition, many modern professions provide some flexibility, so that professional growth is possible within the same job.

This advice is “stuck” for two reasons. First of all, it’s a somewhat subjective tip: what is “to be yourself?” To “be yourself”, first of all, you need to understand yourself and get to know all facets of your personality.

Second, this advice seems to deny all the shortcomings we have and thus make us comfortable with them. In other words, let others get used to us.

Always saying what you think can seem like a great idea. But in practice things are a little different. It is not possible to live without conforming to certain rules of society. In addition, we are all subject to making mistakes. We may, for example, say certain things we would not like in the heat of emotions. Or even judge certain people and certain situations incorrectly because we are not clear about a certain scenario or because we only know part of a case. As a result, we can hurt people just because we wanted to be “authentic”.

There are also those little lies that almost everyone tells as a way of getting around a situation. And even if from a moral point of view this doesn’t seem quite right, on certain occasions some means are necessary to protect a person or a dear co-worker.

“If you can’t influence the situation, change your attitude towards it.” Of course, there are certain situations where we really can’t do anything, and in those cases, it’s best to change our perception of them.

But “change attitude” sometimes it means omitting oneself in situations where it would be possible to do something. Therefore, before changing your attitude, it is worth looking at the situation in a broader way and trying different options.

This advice is especially common in the world of child psychology: if the child is upset or bothered by something, the best thing to do is to distract him. But then these kids become adults who don’t know how to deal with negative emotions.

As a result, repressed anger, fear, or aggression “overflows,” in the form of certain addictions (to food, alcohol, or cigarettes), tantrums, or shopping compulsions, for example. Negative emotions are, yes, as important to our growth as positive ones. And it is essential to face them to learn to deal with frustrations.

The paradox of feeling sorry for yourself is that those we see as successful people don’t actually feel sorry for themselves. A mentally healthy person is merciful to himself, which manifests itself in the form of moments of rest, self-care and less demands on his own results. On the other hand, a person who cannot feel sorry for himself, usually tries to compensate for this situation by making other people feel sorry for him, telling him an endless number of stories about his problems.

You must not think about bad things, and then you will not attract them; you should, yes, mentalize only good things and forget everything that is negative. But… where was the trap in that? In fact, this way, the mood improves and life becomes more pleasant. But a positive attitude devalues ​​our life experiences and prevents us from benefiting from them.

If in life you are constantly faced with unpleasant situations and you always react in the same way, you need to stop and think. After all, what have you been doing wrong? If something unpleasant happens, it’s important to accept mistakes and learn from them.

“Boyfriends are not eternal, and if one is gone, another will come soon”, friends often say to a girl who has ended a relationship. In this case, beliefs such as “there will be a thousand other jobs like this” are also included, “but these competitions were not important”, “there are many better companies than this one”, and many other similar statements. In this way, we minimize the magnitude of our losses and, in most cases, it helps us turn the page.

But constantly adopting this type of approach also means devaluing your achievements: a successful job, a harmonious relationship, a good qualification. The fear of loss increases the value of what we have and helps us better structure our lives.

Self-help can be useful in everyone’s life, but it pays to understand and interpret its teachings wisely. And you, what advice do you consider harmful? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!