7 reasons why parents fail to love their children

Fact Checked

Under review

If parents cannot love their children it is because there is something that prevents them from doing so. It is advisable to explore that “something”, since this lack of love can set in motion a chain of difficult and unpleasant events.

There are parents who fail to love their children. This is a reality that occurs, but is rarely recognized.. In fact, in many cases, this lack of recognition is more negative than the lack of affection itself.

If parents fail to love their children, but do not admit it, it is most likely that they will end up implementing behaviors that are more harmful than the lack of love itself. They despise their children, disapprove or criticize them without reason, subject them to different forms of abandonment, etc.

It is not easy to admit the existence of parents who fail to love their children. This is supposed to go against nature itself, but it is not. A father or mother may be unable to love in a healthy way; On the other hand, the good thing is that this can be worked on and overcome for the good of all. Why is this happening? The following are seven reasons.

“Almost all parents feel that they love their children. But what parents feel internally must have an external component in actions that are loving in order to achieve a positive effect on their children.”.

-Robert W. Firestone-

1. Negative self-image

Sometimes parents fail to love their children. because they have not taken the first step, that of loving themselves. In this case a projective mechanism operates: if I reject myself, how can I not reject what I also deep down consider part of me?

Read Also: How to learn to have better small talk?

It is impossible to love someone if you do not develop a feeling first. of self appreciation. Much more difficult to love a child in those conditions, since this is a piece of her parents in several ways. It is common for parents who find themselves in this position to especially reject children who are most similar to them.

2. Immaturity, a reason why parents fail to love their children

Being a father or mother means adopting a different perspective on life. Above all, the meaning of the word “responsibility” changes.. From now on, each person is no longer responsible only for himself, but is also responsible for the life he brings into the world.

If there is not enough maturity, this responsibility is perceived as a threatening factor that generates a close, but unwanted, dependency. In those conditions, it is easy for some resentment or rejection to develop towards the son, since he is seen as an obstacle or a burden.

3. Traumas

It’s not easy to be a healthy parent when you’ve gone through an unhealthy upbringing.. It is very common for a person to reject the attitudes, behaviors and patterns with which he was educated and, at the same time, end up repeating them with his own children. One of the effects of unresolved trauma is precisely that.

There are parents who cannot love their children because the family situation itself has been traumatic for them. It’s like seeing a childhood that generated a lot of suffering re-enacted.. If this is not done, history ends up repeating itself. It is an unconscious, and desperate, attempt to overcome trauma.

Read Also: The wheel of life, a technique to evolve

4. Extreme anxiety about death

There are people who have an extreme fear of the passage of time and death.. Becoming parents, in one way or another, is associated with getting older and this generates rejection.

In this case, one way to avoid anxiety about old age and death is by inhibiting loving feelings with your children. Distance is taken and a very close bond with them is prevented. It’s a form of evasion.

5. Narcissism

The narcissist does not love himself too much, but quite the opposite.. Deep down, he has doubts about his own worth, but chooses to ignore them through an overstatement of his self. This leads to the opposite extreme: it seems as if no one else exists in the world.

In these cases, parents fail to love their children because they discover that they are not simply an extension of themselves. and are not always there to respond to their parents’ expectations. Realizing this, the narcissist chooses to despise them.

6. Childhood deficiencies

This is a complex situation in which parents They establish a close bond with their children, but they do so anxiously. In reality, they do not lavish them with love, but instead try to fill the lack of affection that they themselves had in childhood.

Proximity, and the caresses themselves, are a way of absorbing, possessing and integrating children as a part of themselves. Obviously, they accuse the son’s attempts to break that fence and this usually leads to very conflictive relationships.

7. Behavior patterns of the child

Sometimes parenting results in children who are defiant, overwhelming the parents’ resources to contain them. This could generate conscious or unconscious rejection.

Read Also: Emotional intelligence: the art of tuning into other hearts

On other occasions, the son has a way of being that does not fit the character of the father. For example, he may appear introverted when the parent would prefer him to maintain a more conservative attitude. Or on the contrary: he is very outgoing and this bothers his parents.

Most parents fail to love their children because there are factors or circumstances that prevent them from doing so, and not because they are unnatural people. The whole family can gain a lot if these parents decide to explore what is happening and resolve it; a task that is always easier with the help of a professional.